1. usedup

    usedup Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    21
    West Berkshire
    My wife is expert at erecting a mental block against undesirable knowledge. She must be aware of her dementia but never speaks of it. This makes it very difficult to follow up any of the non-medical forms of treatment. Going to see some specialist in, say, cognitive therapy, would force the issue. Anyway, I doubt if it could be done because just the suggestion would frighten. We tried a day centre but it was an off day and she got aggressive, which is not very common. Any comments would be welcome.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    To be honest, I think people with little or no inside into their condition are the lucky ones. They won't get depressed due to knowledge about how bad they could get. My OH is blissfully unaware and happy as a clam. I don't really see how cognitive therapy could help someone with dementia anyway?
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,898
    Female
    Scotland
    My husband accepts he has dementia but I doubt if those words mean anything to him even if we talk about it. His short term memory is about two minutes so it is a fleeting concept.

    If your wife had an off day at the centre why not try again. The three days I get even if only four or five hours at a time has been a lifeline to me in what was a very difficult year.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I agree - if the day centre was a bit overwhelming then suggest you try again just for a couple of hours in the morning maybe?
     
  5. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    Usedup

    My husband has never spoken about his dementia. 7 years ago when he was diagnosed he never said anything. We drifted along for years with him getting slowly worse, but although I gradually started talking to other people in front of him about dementia he never asked me anything. For the last three years he has had no memory at all. From his point of view I think it is for the best. Nothing can be done to cure him so the less he knows the better for him. Try very hard to get your wife to go somewhere for a few hours so that she will hopefully let you leave her without her getting angry or upset. I cannot get any respite as my husband will not settle anywhere and day care won't have him. I think I left it too late to get him to be ok without me. Hope it will be ok for you both.x
     
  6. usedup

    usedup Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    21
    West Berkshire
    Thank You.

    Thank you, Casbow.It is great that someone with your level of trouble should make the effort to help another.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,773
    Female
    South coast
    Its not usually denial about their dementia, its usually anosognosia - they are unable to understand that there is anything wrong.

    I once heard an analogy about thumbs:
    Suppose that the next person you meet says "oh my, what happened to your thumbs?" You look at your thumbs and you cant see anything wrong with them, so you think that person is a bit odd. Next your family starts saying "where are your thumbs? When did you lose them?" and insists that you go and see the doctor about it. You dont understand what they are going on about though, as you know that your thumbs are still there, so you dont really want to, but eventually you do and you get referred to the hospital. At the hospital the doctors are saying that you have lost your thumbs and try to show you results of scans to prove it. By now you are getting very annoyed and are certain that there is some sort of conspiracy, because you look at you hands and they dont look any different, you can see and feel your thumbs and you know that you havent lost them.

    Thats what its like for someone with dementia.
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Good analagy from Canary. Annoyed and conspiracy sum it up. I have no answers for it.
     
  9. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,984
    Cotswolds
    Thankyou forthis description. It will be helpful for explaining to some people who can't understand; the same ones who think a person with Dementia can ' learn' things if you repeat and remind often enough. Learning does not happen, it's been left behind.
     
  10. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    254
    Passed this over to my OH daughter.

    Hope you don't mind but I have passed your anology about thumbs to my OH's daughter as I thought it might help her understand. It is so correct.
     
  11. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Perfect Canary, thank you !
     
  12. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    One of the hardest things is convincing even close family, never mind friends or acquaintances, how pointless it is asking "do you remember........."
    keep smiling
    malomm
     

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