Lionel's Diary, by Connie

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
D.day minus one:
Tomorrow Lionel goes into local residential home, for respite, maybe leading to permanency.

He is well aware, and we have shed many tears tonight, but also feel we can look to the future. With Lionel's awarenes now at 30/70, it is hard to know just how much he is retaining.

Spacial awareness gone, called neighbour in tonight to help lift Lionel up, he sat' into space'. I am so worried, frightened, confused......and yet I know this is the right way forward.

He will be as safe as possible, and I will be refreshed whenever I see him. Just hope he settles, but must give him time. Bless him, his only thought is "are you O.K." to know this man is to love him.

If anyone is interested I will try to do a weekly update, nothing spared...... Take care now, Connie
 

Robert

Registered User
Feb 25, 2005
44
Hello Connie,

I feel for you and Lionel, the decision regarding if a move to a care home is necessary is an agonizing one, unfortunately there comes a time where there seems to be little choice.

Almost a year to the day, I had to make the same decision for my wife. The worst day of my life so far.

Yes please Connie, a weekly update of yours and Lionel's experiences would be most welcome, if only to hear that yours proves to be a smoother path than mine. Every day seems to present new issues to be delt with. In many ways, careing now is as intense as it was, when I cared for my wife at home.

One day I'll post an explanation of that last sentence.

Take care,

Robert.
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Connie,

I pray that tomorrow will not be too traumatic foryou both.

I remember only too well my fears on the day that I took Mum and Dad to their new Home. It was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined.

I'm thinking of you.

Jude xx
 

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
West Yorkshire
Hi Connie

I do hope things go well for you both.

I would be really interested in a weekly update of how things are going. We may be close to this route with my Dad, and I would appreciate hearing your experiences.

Best Wishes,

jks
 

janew

Registered User
Mar 28, 2005
51
54
Dear Connie,

Just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you and Lionel over this time. Last weekend I thought I could not cope any longer with my mum and then she seems to have had a good week, so I feel better now and know I can cope a little bit longer. We have a revue next Wednesday so will just have to see how that goes.

Take Care and will be interested in your weekly diary.

Love Jane
 

maggier

Registered User
Jan 9, 2006
78
62
manchester
I will be thinking of you. Hope it all goes well and is not too traumatic for either of you. Please keep posting as none of us know when this would be happeneing to us, so your experiences would be helpful to us all.

Love and hugs

Maggie x x :)
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi Connie
what a good idea, if you are happy to do it.

I have done so and I find it has helped me - I can look back over the past four and some years and see the moments of fear, but also those of happiness, the problems encountered, the challenges successfully completed.

Robert,
One day I'll post an explanation of that last sentence.
you don't need to explain to me!
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Connie,
your post prompted me to look back 210 pages, 4 years in the diary I have kept.

2002, January 27
Jan was in the chair again, being fed when I arrived. She had been sleeping again, and when she had finished eating, I sat beside her for a while, as she came to herself. Later, we walked and sat outside. Jan was a little absent from me again. She was not happy when I was about to leave and started to throw a tantrum. I was exhausted after 2 hours with her, and having been up at 5.45am for work.
Once today, when I said “would you like some welsh cakes?”, Jan replied with a smile: “welsh cakes—I’d forgotten about them!” She remembers enough to know she’s forgotten.
As I drove home, the moon was full and bright, reminding me of the poetry Jan would once recite: “A ghostly galleon sailing on a silver sea”. All gone. When at home I made some welsh cakes for her; not good ones, as to make them successfully needs some heart.
2006, January 26
Visited Jan before lunch today. She was in her chair in the dining room. More agitated today, and continually moving her legs. Found it quite difficult and there was again no real communication. I so want my visits to be of value to her – and me – but at present that is very difficult.
but a week or so earlier
Some trepidation in seeing Jan (after being away in Wales for a weekend - it is always difficult when you feel you should have been there with them). However she was calm, and responsive. She even said, with a bit of difficulty, “Bru-ce”, at one stage. Fabulous to hear. She also made some good expressions (when speech has gone, a good expression is worth many, many words)and it was a good visit.
I'm glad I have kept the diary.
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
Robert said:
In many ways, careing now is as intense as it was, when I cared for my wife at home.

One day I'll post an explanation of that last sentence. Robert.
Robert: No need.

Best wishes


Ooops; I hadn't read to the end of the thread, therefore didn't realise I was repeating Bruce's comment.
 
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Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
connie said:
D.day minus one:
Bless him, his only thought is "are you O.K."; to know this man is to love him.

If anyone is interested I will try to do a weekly update, nothing spared...... Take care now, Connie
Interested? Connie, in the nicest possible way, if you don't keep us informed, I'll be chasing you for your "Homework".
If good wishes were enough to make miracles happen, it would all go super-smoothly. In the real world ... ? It may be better than you fear, but doubtless there will be one or two bumpy days, at least.

We're all rooting for you both
 

Robert

Registered User
Feb 25, 2005
44
Hello Brucie,

Your post is very moving, especially the occassion when Jan recited poetry. It stirred my emotions and produced moist eyes again.

As you say, you don't need an explaination of my ref (in post to Connie) of the intensity of careing, experienced during care home visits. It's just another of those situations, where I feel I need to unload my frustrations sometime here on TP, to see how they compare with other carers experiences.l

Your ref to feeling exhausted following one of your visits to Jan, is not an unfamilar one to me either. This journey of ours is loaded with heartache one way or another.

Best wishes,

Robert.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Thinking about you Connie - however difficult it is I know you will be doing the right thing. But what heartache - it has been bad enough leaving David at a day care centre this am. Yes please keep us posted on how things are - both good and bad - because it helps us and hopefully will help you to relieve your feelings a little. Best wishes BeckyJan
 
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connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Thanks for messages of support.............too upset tonight to post, and really think this needs to be a weekly update.
Bear with me, and check in again 4th February.

Look after yourselves, after all, you are special people. Love Connie
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
My heart aches for you Connie, I hope this transition goes well and your adjustment is without difficulties. I hope I can look to your example and be as strong in the future.
hugs, Debbie
 

Shakey1961a

Registered User
Nov 7, 2004
111
Southport
Dearest Connie.

As I type this is the big day for you and Lionel. Let me tell you my experience.

When I was younger I thought "Mum is NEVER going to go into a home - she's done so much for me, how could I ever let her down!" and I was adament about it.

Mum used to say to me "If I get too old to cope you must put me in a home" and that used to get me a little upset.

Without going into detail I now know Mum is in the best place (even though I've had all that trouble last year).

They spot problems before I can even see them, they are more than happy to give me any information about her, they even phoned me the other day to tell me she had a UTI, which they've never done before.

Looking back I could not have coped with her even though I wanted to and I still would.

Today is going to be a difficult day and no-one will be able to tell you otherwise so I'm not either, BUT (and remember this) you ARE doing this out of LOVE for Lionel and you (and us) know that you are not putting him in a home to forget him so you can go on holidays around the world etc.

Remember, the people in the home are the experts, not saying that you aren't! If you've found a good home (and I'm sure you have) it should put your mind at rest. They are paid to keep their beady eyes one the residents night and day and can more swiftly cope with problems that you could, and that's not to say you couldn't.

Also, as you have mentioned, you'll be able to relax more, sleep better and be more able to do things, which is not only better for you but also for Lionel. You'll be better refreshed that if/when you take Lionel out on a trip you'll be able to enjoy it a lot more than if you were tired before you even started.

Having him in a home is going to benefit not only him but you. You are going to be more alert and that can only benefit Lionel more than if you were tired.

But don't expect today to be anything other than difficult - so expect it to be ****! However, if all goes well you might feel relieved and contented that he's in safe hands.

I wish you all the best for today.

BTW, after Mum having a chest infection and a UTI they got her up for the first time in about 2 weeks yesterday and she was on top form. See how the staff look after the residents. I have no worries that's she's in good hands.
 

May

Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
627
Yorkshire
Connie
Thinking of you and hoping the transfer goes as smoothly as possible. Try and rest easy in the thought that you ARE doing the best for Lionel.
Take care and sending Love and Hugs {{{{{}}}}}
 

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