Lionel's Diary, by Connie

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by connie, Jan 26, 2006.

  1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Frinton-on-Sea minus one:
    Tomorrow Lionel goes into local residential home, for respite, maybe leading to permanency.

    He is well aware, and we have shed many tears tonight, but also feel we can look to the future. With Lionel's awarenes now at 30/70, it is hard to know just how much he is retaining.

    Spacial awareness gone, called neighbour in tonight to help lift Lionel up, he sat' into space'. I am so worried, frightened, confused......and yet I know this is the right way forward.

    He will be as safe as possible, and I will be refreshed whenever I see him. Just hope he settles, but must give him time. Bless him, his only thought is "are you O.K." to know this man is to love him.

    If anyone is interested I will try to do a weekly update, nothing spared...... Take care now, Connie
  2. Robert

    Robert Registered User

    Feb 25, 2005
    Hello Connie,

    I feel for you and Lionel, the decision regarding if a move to a care home is necessary is an agonizing one, unfortunately there comes a time where there seems to be little choice.

    Almost a year to the day, I had to make the same decision for my wife. The worst day of my life so far.

    Yes please Connie, a weekly update of yours and Lionel's experiences would be most welcome, if only to hear that yours proves to be a smoother path than mine. Every day seems to present new issues to be delt with. In many ways, careing now is as intense as it was, when I cared for my wife at home.

    One day I'll post an explanation of that last sentence.

    Take care,

  3. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Connie,

    I pray that tomorrow will not be too traumatic foryou both.

    I remember only too well my fears on the day that I took Mum and Dad to their new Home. It was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined.

    I'm thinking of you.

    Jude xx
  4. katieberesford

    katieberesford Registered User

    May 5, 2005
    south wales
    Hi Connie

    I will keep you and Lionel in my thoughts today.

    God bless. Big hug Connie.

    Katie x
  5. jks

    jks Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Connie

    I do hope things go well for you both.

    I would be really interested in a weekly update of how things are going. We may be close to this route with my Dad, and I would appreciate hearing your experiences.

    Best Wishes,

  6. janew

    janew Registered User

    Mar 28, 2005
    Dear Connie,

    Just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you and Lionel over this time. Last weekend I thought I could not cope any longer with my mum and then she seems to have had a good week, so I feel better now and know I can cope a little bit longer. We have a revue next Wednesday so will just have to see how that goes.

    Take Care and will be interested in your weekly diary.

    Love Jane
  7. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    I will be thinking of you. Hope it all goes well and is not too traumatic for either of you. Please keep posting as none of us know when this would be happeneing to us, so your experiences would be helpful to us all.

    Love and hugs

    Maggie x x :)
  8. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi Connie
    what a good idea, if you are happy to do it.

    I have done so and I find it has helped me - I can look back over the past four and some years and see the moments of fear, but also those of happiness, the problems encountered, the challenges successfully completed.

    you don't need to explain to me!
  9. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    your post prompted me to look back 210 pages, 4 years in the diary I have kept.

    2002, January 27
    2006, January 26
    but a week or so earlier
    I'm glad I have kept the diary.
  10. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    #10 Lynne, Jan 27, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2006
    Robert: No need.

    Best wishes

    Ooops; I hadn't read to the end of the thread, therefore didn't realise I was repeating Bruce's comment.
  11. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Interested? Connie, in the nicest possible way, if you don't keep us informed, I'll be chasing you for your "Homework".
    If good wishes were enough to make miracles happen, it would all go super-smoothly. In the real world ... ? It may be better than you fear, but doubtless there will be one or two bumpy days, at least.

    We're all rooting for you both
  12. Robert

    Robert Registered User

    Feb 25, 2005
    Hello Brucie,

    Your post is very moving, especially the occassion when Jan recited poetry. It stirred my emotions and produced moist eyes again.

    As you say, you don't need an explaination of my ref (in post to Connie) of the intensity of careing, experienced during care home visits. It's just another of those situations, where I feel I need to unload my frustrations sometime here on TP, to see how they compare with other carers experiences.l

    Your ref to feeling exhausted following one of your visits to Jan, is not an unfamilar one to me either. This journey of ours is loaded with heartache one way or another.

    Best wishes,

  13. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    #13 BeckyJan, Jan 27, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2006
    Thinking about you Connie - however difficult it is I know you will be doing the right thing. But what heartache - it has been bad enough leaving David at a day care centre this am. Yes please keep us posted on how things are - both good and bad - because it helps us and hopefully will help you to relieve your feelings a little. Best wishes BeckyJan
  14. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Thanks for messages of support.............too upset tonight to post, and really think this needs to be a weekly update.
    Bear with me, and check in again 4th February.

    Look after yourselves, after all, you are special people. Love Connie
  15. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    My heart aches for you Connie, I hope this transition goes well and your adjustment is without difficulties. I hope I can look to your example and be as strong in the future.
    hugs, Debbie
  16. Shakey1961a

    Shakey1961a Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    Dearest Connie.

    As I type this is the big day for you and Lionel. Let me tell you my experience.

    When I was younger I thought "Mum is NEVER going to go into a home - she's done so much for me, how could I ever let her down!" and I was adament about it.

    Mum used to say to me "If I get too old to cope you must put me in a home" and that used to get me a little upset.

    Without going into detail I now know Mum is in the best place (even though I've had all that trouble last year).

    They spot problems before I can even see them, they are more than happy to give me any information about her, they even phoned me the other day to tell me she had a UTI, which they've never done before.

    Looking back I could not have coped with her even though I wanted to and I still would.

    Today is going to be a difficult day and no-one will be able to tell you otherwise so I'm not either, BUT (and remember this) you ARE doing this out of LOVE for Lionel and you (and us) know that you are not putting him in a home to forget him so you can go on holidays around the world etc.

    Remember, the people in the home are the experts, not saying that you aren't! If you've found a good home (and I'm sure you have) it should put your mind at rest. They are paid to keep their beady eyes one the residents night and day and can more swiftly cope with problems that you could, and that's not to say you couldn't.

    Also, as you have mentioned, you'll be able to relax more, sleep better and be more able to do things, which is not only better for you but also for Lionel. You'll be better refreshed that if/when you take Lionel out on a trip you'll be able to enjoy it a lot more than if you were tired before you even started.

    Having him in a home is going to benefit not only him but you. You are going to be more alert and that can only benefit Lionel more than if you were tired.

    But don't expect today to be anything other than difficult - so expect it to be ****! However, if all goes well you might feel relieved and contented that he's in safe hands.

    I wish you all the best for today.

    BTW, after Mum having a chest infection and a UTI they got her up for the first time in about 2 weeks yesterday and she was on top form. See how the staff look after the residents. I have no worries that's she's in good hands.
  17. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    Dear Connie. Thinking of you today ... from Lulu
  18. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Dearest Connie, thinking of you, love and big hugs, She. XX
  19. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Thinking of you and hoping the transfer goes as smoothly as possible. Try and rest easy in the thought that you ARE doing the best for Lionel.
    Take care and sending Love and Hugs {{{{{}}}}}
  20. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Connie hi,

    Hope it has worked out OK - keep fingers crossed - have a medicinal glass of wine or 4 and a good night



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