Like walking through treacle:

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by CCM2013, Jul 29, 2015.

  1. CCM2013

    CCM2013 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2013
    32
    London
    This bereavement business is harder than I first thought - I lost dad on May 5th, and thought by now things might get bit easier - but instead it feels harder everyday and my grief is like a big knot stuck in my throat all the time.
    We scattered dads ashes in a nearby wood on Fathers Day and I went to the wood today and put some flowers by the tree where his ashes are. I had to trespass to reach the right spot but I think my dad would've approved of that! He always was a rebel and rule breaker at heart. I did all this secretly as I feel like I can't share my grief with my family as they are all equally going through a difficult time. Am the trying to keep spirits up for my mum who has lost her soul mate... I think the expression like walking through treacle sums up my journey with bereavement so far! Love to everyone who is going through same thing X


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  2. Dustycat

    Dustycat Registered User

    Jul 14, 2014
    215
    North East
    I agree. I lost my Mam May 2014 and it feels like a hole in my heart. I still can't believe it. I find looking at photos hard and can't bring myself to visit her plaque at the Crematorium. I dreamt about her the other night. I was so happy to see her but felt heartbroken when I woke up. Thinking about you. I know exactly how you feel. Xx
     
  3. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    #3 CollegeGirl, Jul 29, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2015
    It is hard, CCM. My MiL died on 3 May, so round the same time as you lost your dad. My husband still can't yet look at a photo of his mam as he gets too upset. He says it sometimes hits him like a hammer that he can no longer talk to her. He's started to have bad dreams about his dad that we are interpreting as a fear that he will lose him, too.

    As for myself, I don't think of my MiL constantly like you may do with your dad, but I've found that it takes very little to make me cry these days. The slightest thing has me filling up and even sometimes sobbing. I'm assuming that this is my own grief at losing my MiL - although not as devastating for me as losing one of my own parents might be, it has obviously affected me a great deal, not least because seeing my husband, his sister and dad upset is so hard for me.

    I think that we have to both accept that it's really not very long ago that we lost our loved ones - just 12 weeks or so. Not long when you think about it like that, is it, to lose someone you've loved your whole life?

    Sometimes you just can't be strong, and I think that's okay. Perhaps it would help you both if you cried with your mum sometimes, or let her see you cry so that she can comfort you. I've cried with my husband, and it's helped us.

    With love and best wishes xx
     
  4. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    Totally understand and walking through treacle is a good way of explaining it. I'm so tired. Does anyone else have this fatigue that just doesn't shift. Luckily my daughter is tired too as she had a sleepover last night, so we are just relaxng today and doing very little.
     
  5. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    Hope you are okay, CCM2013.

    I've just re-read my post and realised I called you Cat by mistake. I'm not sure where that came from, many apologies. I hope it's not the reason you haven't posted again on this thread.

    Hope to hear from you again x
     
  6. CCM2013

    CCM2013 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2013
    32
    London
    Thanks College girl - you didn't use my name so don't worry!
    I've not posted again as am homeless at the moment (living in a travelodge!!!)) and busy looking for a flat. It keeps me very distracted from thinking about dad so that helps in a strange way although it is stressful!
    Onwards & upwards... X


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  7. CCM2013

    CCM2013 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2013
    32
    London
    3 months tomorrow since dad died - how I miss him.
    What do others do to mark little anniversaries like this?


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  8. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,525
    North East England
    Good to see you posting again, and I'm sorry to hear about your homelessness. I hope you find somewhere very soon.

    The little anniversaries are difficult - the worse one for us was one week after MiL died. I found myself looking at the clock every few minutes, counting down to the time of her death. It was horrible.

    Sending you and your mum strength to cope with tomorrow xx
     
  9. CCM2013

    CCM2013 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2013
    32
    London
    Thank you! I think I've found a place - due to move in today. Lots to do - phew! I popped round to mums to pick up some of my belongings yesterday and had to get up in the loft. Whilst looking I came across a box full of extension leads. All the leads were carefully wound up in a figure of eight and packed tidily away by my dad probably years ago. This had me in floods of tears - it's crazy when I write it down - but this seemed to encapsulate my dad - he was so methodical, organised and extremely tidy!! That loft is like my fathers Aladdin's cave and I'm not sure when I'll be in the right frame of mind to go through all his 'stuff'!!! It's all rather heartbreaking.


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