Hi Anne, Like pamann I was in a similar position to you with my husband. What happened with me was that I rang the SW, and said I couldn't go on any longer, and she arranged for an assessment team to come to the house and assess him, but I was to be prepared and pack a bag for him if they decided to section him.
Of course, when the day came it was one of his good days, but I had made lots of notes about his behaviour and had a video on my phone of one of his worse days, and they did section him, as much for my sake as his. It was the worst day of my life, but it was calm for him, as they allowed an Age UK person who was a helper for the CPN (I'd asked if he could be there too as my husband was familiar with him) to take him in his car instead of calling an ambulance. He was assessed there and I sadly realised that it would be impossible for me to look after him at home any more, but it was also impossible for me to find a care home that would take him. In the end he was assessed for CHC due to his severe cognition and outbursts of aggression, and qualified for it, even though he was physically fit. They said he had to go to a dementia nursing home, where they had more staff to be able to manage him. After a bad start in a horrible home, and me saying I would take him home if the CHC people couldn't get him in a better one, strings were pulled, and I think he jumped the queue to get in the one he is in now, which is very good with wonderful, kind and patient carers.
Although he still keeps saying he wants to come "home" - as he did all the while when he was at home - the staff say he is ok when I'm not there. He still has aggressive outbursts, but the staff are able to manage him. He often says to me what a lovely place it is - he thinks we built it and we live there. I am still able to take him out for a walk with the dog or a meal at a pub, although sometimes have stressful incidents with him, so far I have managed, although I am mentally shattered afterwards, which makes me realise I could not possibly cope 24/7 on my own.
I've read all your posts, and really you cannot go on any longer trying to cope with his behaviour. He does need 1:1 care and one person cannot be expected to do it. Please call the SW or CPN and say you need an emergency assessment for him before you suffer a complete breakdown.
Sending you much love xx