LGBT News 20th May 2010
- Thread starter roger1941
- Start date
I find this quite remarkable.
I am in the midst of developing specialist dementia services working with many organisations.
I have also recently facilitated a new day support service,very early days.To date we have five day guests,one of whom is gay.is this a minority,I think not.
I am in the midst of developing specialist dementia services working with many organisations.
I have also recently facilitated a new day support service,very early days.To date we have five day guests,one of whom is gay.is this a minority,I think not.
Roger,
I know little of the history of the LGBT group, and I know even less of the recent problems you and your colleagues have faced.
But I suspect that exclusion will never be seen as a positive move. Dementia includes, and it plucks fairly randomly, as far as we know by research, regardless of the STFTOYMF-ness of the dementia sufferer.
Work that STFTOYMF-ness out for yourself, and if you can't then it shows that we are all here for one reason alone, and that we may talk in tongues that other stalwarts may not understand, but ... we are all here because of dementia having entered our life/lives, shared with those with a dementia.
As for ticking boxes - that's what we are all struggling with, the tick box culture of dementia care.
I do so hope that the Alzheimer's Society will respond to your post.
If I could think of a way to support you all, then I would. Meanwhile, as Danny said, it is remarkable.
I know little of the history of the LGBT group, and I know even less of the recent problems you and your colleagues have faced.
But I suspect that exclusion will never be seen as a positive move. Dementia includes, and it plucks fairly randomly, as far as we know by research, regardless of the STFTOYMF-ness of the dementia sufferer.
Work that STFTOYMF-ness out for yourself, and if you can't then it shows that we are all here for one reason alone, and that we may talk in tongues that other stalwarts may not understand, but ... we are all here because of dementia having entered our life/lives, shared with those with a dementia.
As for ticking boxes - that's what we are all struggling with, the tick box culture of dementia care.
I do so hope that the Alzheimer's Society will respond to your post.
If I could think of a way to support you all, then I would. Meanwhile, as Danny said, it is remarkable.
Thanks Danny and JPG
The response to this press release has been overwhelming and moving too and a digest of comments will be available soon.
We KNOW that the support group has done some remarkable things over the last 10 years and e mails today from New Zealand, Washington State, Wisconsin, Luxembourg, and from this country, of course,confirm this and show how valued our work has been.
You will be hearing more about this I'm sure.
Thanks again
Roger
The response to this press release has been overwhelming and moving too and a digest of comments will be available soon.
We KNOW that the support group has done some remarkable things over the last 10 years and e mails today from New Zealand, Washington State, Wisconsin, Luxembourg, and from this country, of course,confirm this and show how valued our work has been.
You will be hearing more about this I'm sure.
Thanks again
Roger
Roger, is this all part of the 'Fit for the Future' regime? Like the Legal Helpline disappeared .......? Who is making these decisions ....?
Sorry - not much to say but 'sorry' just now but will keep an eye out for more news from you,
Karen, x
Hi Karen
We know little or nothing about the reasons for losing our worker at Head Office but we do know that there is no one to take his place.
We are not a large group but we know how vital our support has been to LGBT carers. We have only just begun to look at the needs of LGBT single people with dementia (we estimate that there are at least 35,000 of them).
It's all dispiriting and sad considering that at times we LGBT people do like to be in touch with our 'own kind' - sorry but that's how we are.
Best wishes
Roger
We know little or nothing about the reasons for losing our worker at Head Office but we do know that there is no one to take his place.
We are not a large group but we know how vital our support has been to LGBT carers. We have only just begun to look at the needs of LGBT single people with dementia (we estimate that there are at least 35,000 of them).
It's all dispiriting and sad considering that at times we LGBT people do like to be in touch with our 'own kind' - sorry but that's how we are.
Best wishes
Roger
Please don’t apologise!
I’m sorry if I’m not ‘one of your kind’ – but I am concerned .. and hope you don't mind me posting again ....
I worked for years in an organisation who saw the need for a ‘Black Workers Support Group’ (as well as LGBT groups) ...... hey ho – ‘Fit for the Future’ came in – not only did BWSG disappear – so did the flagship support for their cultural ‘clients’ (for want of a better word) ...... this was under the guise of the ‘recession’ and associated cutbacks because of lack of funding ..... I am still left bewildered the ‘minority’ groups of ‘service users’ who often needed most support, when others might have survived or found help elsewhere, were the services first to be cut .......
I am being very cagey in case I say something which may offend ....
I hope you understand where my sentiments are ......
Please keep us posted – and I hope AS will respond with the rationale for the post being ‘lost’ ... there is clearly a lot of expertise, talent, innovation and specialist support and understanding being wasted and not nurtured and shared for those who need it now and for the future ..... how wicked is that?
Karen, x
I’m sorry if I’m not ‘one of your kind’ – but I am concerned .. and hope you don't mind me posting again ....
I worked for years in an organisation who saw the need for a ‘Black Workers Support Group’ (as well as LGBT groups) ...... hey ho – ‘Fit for the Future’ came in – not only did BWSG disappear – so did the flagship support for their cultural ‘clients’ (for want of a better word) ...... this was under the guise of the ‘recession’ and associated cutbacks because of lack of funding ..... I am still left bewildered the ‘minority’ groups of ‘service users’ who often needed most support, when others might have survived or found help elsewhere, were the services first to be cut .......
I am being very cagey in case I say something which may offend ....
I hope you understand where my sentiments are ......
Please keep us posted – and I hope AS will respond with the rationale for the post being ‘lost’ ... there is clearly a lot of expertise, talent, innovation and specialist support and understanding being wasted and not nurtured and shared for those who need it now and for the future ..... how wicked is that?
Karen, x
I thought it might be helpful to direct you to the LGBT Support and Advice pages of our website: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?categoryID=200204&documentID=322
We would like to hear your views on what support you need. If you have any questions or comments about LGBT support at Alzheimer's Society, you are very welcome to send your questions or comments directly to us at info@alzheimers.org.uk.
Best wishes,
Katherine
We would like to hear your views on what support you need. If you have any questions or comments about LGBT support at Alzheimer's Society, you are very welcome to send your questions or comments directly to us at info@alzheimers.org.uk.
Best wishes,
Katherine
Thanks Katharine but those web pages, some hastily prepared, do not essentially deal with the issue. How nice it would be if the Society asked those of us at ground level what we really needed rather than told us what it has decided to do. Not impossible, surely.
A particularly sad day
All LGBT and TP members
This is very sad news indeed. Why still remains the question. In changing times where conventional relationships are no longer the norm and with an aging population, it would appear that the Society has taken an about turn and is flowing against the tide.
The diversity of AS and in particular the LGBT aspect of the Society's interest was a deciding factor which attracted me to the Group (once in I was comfortable enough to post anywhere)
And it helped me discover just how wonderful everyone here really is.
I post this the day after my Partner was arrested by the Police (whilst with his Carer) for apparently "playing with himself" and talking to children. Another nightmare day which resulted in the usual dismissal of all charges following a member of the public accusing him of being a pervert, paedophile who exposes himself in front of children. A totally hysterical reaction to a Gay man who has Dementia and who loves to talk to people.
Now tell me we don't need a LGBT Support worker!
All LGBT and TP membersThis is very sad news indeed. Why still remains the question. In changing times where conventional relationships are no longer the norm and with an aging population, it would appear that the Society has taken an about turn and is flowing against the tide.
The diversity of AS and in particular the LGBT aspect of the Society's interest was a deciding factor which attracted me to the Group (once in I was comfortable enough to post anywhere)
And it helped me discover just how wonderful everyone here really is.
I post this the day after my Partner was arrested by the Police (whilst with his Carer) for apparently "playing with himself" and talking to children. Another nightmare day which resulted in the usual dismissal of all charges following a member of the public accusing him of being a pervert, paedophile who exposes himself in front of children. A totally hysterical reaction to a Gay man who has Dementia and who loves to talk to people.
Now tell me we don't need a LGBT Support worker!
Hi Robert
Sorry if I'm missing the point but was your partner arrested because the member of the public that complained knew he was Gay?
It seems ridiculous - given he had a carer with him - that it got that far.
Kim
Mum 12,500 miles away
Sorry if I'm missing the point but was your partner arrested because the member of the public that complained knew he was Gay?
It seems ridiculous - given he had a carer with him - that it got that far.
Kim
Mum 12,500 miles away
Hi Kim
The answer Kim is no; he was not arrested because he was Gay. He has been arrested a number of times for Anti Social Behaviour, a somewhat loosely interpreted charge. But once a member of the public wishes to complain of such, the wheels of the law are set in motion and nothing will stop till it reaches a conclusion.
The Carer cannot control challenging behaviour. She did her best in the situation, but the hysterical rantings of the complainant was the problem. She would not be pacified until he was "banged up". Most people recognise he has special needs and act accordingly.
It is probably fairer to say that he was discriminated against on the grounds of mental health by an ignorant person, who has her own underlying issues
But for my Partner and I it accords us great pain when you get that "look" when dealing with the public and authorities in having to open your lives to the double inspection of both our relationship and his mental health.
And I dont know which I find more annoying these days. Everyone seems to have an opinion how I should provide better care and so many remain dumb struck or patronising when we explain we are Gay and Civil Partnered, as though I have to justify! Or am I just being over sensitive?
Hi Robert and thanks for your very supportive views.
Yes you are right the Society does need a support worker.
I remember only too well having to go and pick up my partner from the police cells because he had stolen stuff and having to go through the usual rigmarole of coming out to the police and heaven knows who else in order for him to be released to me.
Some of us, of a certain age, still have feelings about being known to be gay and when circumstances 'out us' we feel very vulnerable.
It is in those situations where we desparately need other gays to support us. Instead of others asking why we need this shouldnt it be enough for them to receive the reply that that is how we feel and that is what we want.
Hope you are ok Robert. Lots of love to you both in these trying times.
Yes you are right the Society does need a support worker.
I remember only too well having to go and pick up my partner from the police cells because he had stolen stuff and having to go through the usual rigmarole of coming out to the police and heaven knows who else in order for him to be released to me.
Some of us, of a certain age, still have feelings about being known to be gay and when circumstances 'out us' we feel very vulnerable.
It is in those situations where we desparately need other gays to support us. Instead of others asking why we need this shouldnt it be enough for them to receive the reply that that is how we feel and that is what we want.
Hope you are ok Robert. Lots of love to you both in these trying times.
Tokenism
Shame on the Alzheimer's Society:
Alzheimer's Society POLICY STATEMENT
"Alzheimer’s Society is committed to inclusion, equality and diversity, both as a service provider and as an employer. The Society is committed to people centred care and will take positive steps to include all people who may be affected by dementia in its services and support.
Our staff, volunteers and trustees are committed to a culture, which actively promotes inclusion, diversity and equality of opportunity for everyone. We are committed to challenging discrimination in relation to race, ethnic origin, religious belief, class, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, disability and age."
There is no demonstrable commitment 'which actively promotes inclusion'. It would seem instead that, once again, the Society is able to tick the right boxes so that it can achieve its fundraising aims. Look at the board of trustees, look at the senior management team, look at the patrons - how many people can you see who represent anything to do with inclusion or diversity?
It's no wonder that the LGBT Support Group volunteers "have recently chosen not to continue in their current capacity" when the Society was happy to let them provide their time and commitment to providing a service whilst not providing sufficient resources to support and to promote them. Another cynical and token gesture. The group was origianlly set up using money secured from a grant from Comic Relief (some joke) which paid for a full-time support worker for three years (although she was only employed for two years - where did the rest of the money go?) - now seems like squandering of public money.
Shame on the Alzheimer's Society:
Alzheimer's Society POLICY STATEMENT
"Alzheimer’s Society is committed to inclusion, equality and diversity, both as a service provider and as an employer. The Society is committed to people centred care and will take positive steps to include all people who may be affected by dementia in its services and support.
Our staff, volunteers and trustees are committed to a culture, which actively promotes inclusion, diversity and equality of opportunity for everyone. We are committed to challenging discrimination in relation to race, ethnic origin, religious belief, class, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, disability and age."
There is no demonstrable commitment 'which actively promotes inclusion'. It would seem instead that, once again, the Society is able to tick the right boxes so that it can achieve its fundraising aims. Look at the board of trustees, look at the senior management team, look at the patrons - how many people can you see who represent anything to do with inclusion or diversity?
It's no wonder that the LGBT Support Group volunteers "have recently chosen not to continue in their current capacity" when the Society was happy to let them provide their time and commitment to providing a service whilst not providing sufficient resources to support and to promote them. Another cynical and token gesture. The group was origianlly set up using money secured from a grant from Comic Relief (some joke) which paid for a full-time support worker for three years (although she was only employed for two years - where did the rest of the money go?) - now seems like squandering of public money.
Hi RobertBut for my Partner and I it accords us great pain when you get that "look" when dealing with the public and authorities in having to open your lives to the double inspection of both our relationship and his mental health.
And I dont know which I find more annoying these days. Everyone seems to have an opinion how I should provide better care and so many remain dumb struck or patronising when we explain we are Gay and Civil Partnered, as though I have to justify! Or am I just being over sensitive?
Whether we are caring for a partner, parent, or anyone else we can only do our best and I have no doubt anyone who is in the same boat would totally understand that there are some behaviours you cannot control in a Dementia/Alzheimers sufferer. I have a mental pic now of my Grandad - THE most mild mannered man you could ever hope to meet - trying to pinch the bottom of a lady (unknown to him) in the supermarket.
My poor Mum said she could have bettered an Olympians best time running up the aisle to stop him!Why it should make a difference if you are Gay or straight as to what care you are giving your partner?
I'm not trivialising your position, just why it makes you different to some people is beyond me.
Kim
Mum 12,500 miles away
Thanks for your comments Meldrew. This is a sad time but we have been overwhelmed by supportive e mail from members of the LGBT community both from here and from all over the world.
The service we were offering was unique and we KNOW that it was both apppreciated and was effective. Significantly only a matter of a few months ago, the Age Concern LGBT Group in Camden had responded to our work by specifically mentioning co-operating with us in a project which aimed to face the challenge of dementia within the LGBT community - that is now lost.
I just dont know what is happening within the Alzheimers Society but what is coming out is not good.
The service we were offering was unique and we KNOW that it was both apppreciated and was effective. Significantly only a matter of a few months ago, the Age Concern LGBT Group in Camden had responded to our work by specifically mentioning co-operating with us in a project which aimed to face the challenge of dementia within the LGBT community - that is now lost.
I just dont know what is happening within the Alzheimers Society but what is coming out is not good.
Different. Yes and that's the issue
Hi Kim
You are absolutely right and I'm pleased you understand. Whether Gay or Straight is not material. Unfortunately the public and professionals alike, even these days, remain intrigued at best and judgemental or embarassed at worst. Like a car crash, everyone stops to look! All because the relationship does not fit the conventional family model. It is the intrusiveness of the level of scrutiny that gets to me. The public show
If we were Straight, assumptions would be made, usually correctly, and there there is no need to go into explanations. But as Gay men, we are not allowed to say we are married but civil partnered! Most look dumbstruck still not understanding what the relationship is. Consequently you have to spell it out!
I'm sure there is a certain level of tiredness on my part in both caring for my Partner on one hand and having to explain that we are related by Civil partnership on the other.
What makes us different is exactly that; we are different. It is up to all of us and society to accept and embrace differences. Sadly there is not a great track record on this, even when we think we have conquered prejudice, it is there, latent and part of our undesirable heritage.
Why it should make a difference if you are Gay or straight as to what care you are giving your partner?
I'm not trivialising your position, just why it makes you different to some people is beyond me.
Kim
Mum 12,500 miles away
Hi Kim
You are absolutely right and I'm pleased you understand. Whether Gay or Straight is not material. Unfortunately the public and professionals alike, even these days, remain intrigued at best and judgemental or embarassed at worst. Like a car crash, everyone stops to look! All because the relationship does not fit the conventional family model. It is the intrusiveness of the level of scrutiny that gets to me. The public show
If we were Straight, assumptions would be made, usually correctly, and there there is no need to go into explanations. But as Gay men, we are not allowed to say we are married but civil partnered! Most look dumbstruck still not understanding what the relationship is. Consequently you have to spell it out!
I'm sure there is a certain level of tiredness on my part in both caring for my Partner on one hand and having to explain that we are related by Civil partnership on the other.
What makes us different is exactly that; we are different. It is up to all of us and society to accept and embrace differences. Sadly there is not a great track record on this, even when we think we have conquered prejudice, it is there, latent and part of our undesirable heritage.
