LGBT forum

[Skye]

Bruce, I tried to reply to your thread, but it is closed. Why?

The question I want to ask is, do LGBT members want a separate forum?

I know they have problems with legal issues that most of us don't have to confront, but surely the main problem is one of acceptance, and by hiving them off to a separate forum, we are simply compounding their exclusion.

We have a few gay and lesbian posters, and I don't see any problem with that. If other people do, then they have the right to ignore the posts.

If members have been asked if they would like their own forum, as people who come into the 'after dementia' category were, and have said yes, then well and good, and I'll support it.

But my view is that to impose it is a form of discrimination.

I hope to hear others' views.

 

[CraigC]

Hi Hazel,

I'm not Bruce but will try to reply. A thread is normally closed if it is an announcement rather than a discussion. Just helps it stick. I'm guessing that is why it was closed.

In my opinion the LGBT area is a good idea. Bruce made it clear in his post that anyone is welcome to post in any area of the forum, it is just felt that there is a need for a special area. This has been discussed at the society and with LGBT members.

Personally I don't see this as segregation or exclusion. There are just some issues that people will feel comfortable discussing within this specific area.

So to answer your question, a need has been identified and the area is being set up and we can just see how it goes.

Hope that makes sense and hope Bruce will forgive me for jumping in.

Kind Regards
Craig

 

[MillyP]

Sorry but I have to agree with Hazel...next thing there will be a section for different races and religions...can't see why people need to be segregated on forums...it's at times like this that you need all the help, support and advice you can get and if that means everyone coming together and helping then all the better in my opinion...

 

[Brucie]

Hi Hazel and everyone - thanks to Craig for replying.

Actually, the thread was originally closed when I first posted it within the moderator area, to see if the other moderators could think of a better way to phrase things. I created another thread there for discussion purposes - a bit like this is now becoming.

When I moved the thread to the public area, I simply forgot to open it again, but in retrospect, I think that is fine - we can discuss the things here.

From my perspective, it is like this.

Until recently, I might have written your words myself; I would have been in complete agreement.

However, at the end of last year, a request came from the LGBT group asking if there could be a part of Talking Point for discussion and support in things that are very specific to their needs.

To underline this - it is not being imposed. We are accommodating a request.

At the time of the request I replied as you have - but then fell over my own feet because I realised that we already have a forum for people like me - those who have a spouse who has young onset dementia.

There are situations that are different for young onset families from those who may be just a few years older, and I have found it extremely helpful to air those special topics with others in the same situation, while posting on topics of more general experience elsewhere.

What I have found is that there being a special forum has actually meant that over time there has been a gradual shifting from the young onset area into the general area, for me.

I think people may start at TP believing they are alone and unique in their misfortune. Immediately they realise they are neither alone, nor unique. TP brings all experiences together.

However, that initial landing pad, among those perceived as co passengers on this crazy journey, is very helpful.

I believe that after a time, those who initially discover TP through the LGBT forum will - in the same ways as others have in the past - find that many topics they are concerned about are in fact not so different for anybody to encounter, and that the logical place to discuss them is with everyone else.

This is not exclusion, it is more like inclusion. Inclusion within the membership of TP.

Yes, I do know we already have very valued members who are gay. If others have found that, as it is at present, TP seems not for them, then let's ease the way in.

 

[Skye]

However, at the end of last year, a request came from the LGBT group asking if there could be a part of Talking Point for discussion and support in things that are very specific to their needs.

If that's the case, then that's fine, though it surprises me. Just as acceptance is happening in so many areas, why on earth would they want exclusivity?

After all, we're all in different situations, with different legal and financial problems, but the caring questions are common to all.

I'd be interested to hear the views of lesbian and gay people who already post here.

 

[Nell]

I'm not LGBT but I fully support the concept of a special section. I think it takes enormous courage, even today, for LGBT people to come on-line (where they have no idea who the membership are) and talk about a same sex partner or issues concerning these aspects of their life.

By having a special section for them (but by expressly pointing out that it does not exclude them from any other section of TP) I think it sends a signal of acceptance and encouragement for them to join as members.

As Bruce pointed out, separate sections exist already and anyone can post in these, but they are especially valuable for those in certain situations. For example: A recent thread in the "early onset" section about "people in their thirties supporting a dementia patient" brought out a large number of posts which many seemed to find very supportive.

I do see how a separate section could be perceived as exclusion, but I personally don't see it that way. I sincerely hope all / any LGBT people reading this forum or using it will see it as I do - an attempt to include them in a way that gives them opportunities to talk about and seek support for issues that are specific to their group.

 

[Doreen99]

Well, I'm a lesbian and don't have any problems posting on the main forum, but I agree that sometimes LGBT people might find it easier to get answers on a separate forum, if their problems relate to sexuality, as well as caring, if you see what I mean!

For instance, sometimes it can be difficult when trying to explain my relationship to my ma-in-law. See, I call her my ma-in-law, even though her daughter and I didn't have a Civil Parntership. But then I have to go on and explain the situation - just in case one of the nurses or whoever in the hospital then talks to Meg about her non-existent son!!

So, as long it's a request by the group (which I must investigate on the main AS site) I can't see how it could be viewed as trying to exclude people.

 

[Skye]

Thanks, Doreen. Glad to have your views.

Love,

 

[Meldrew]

The question I want to ask is, do LGBT members want a separate forum?

I know they have problems with legal issues that most of us don't have to confront, but surely the main problem is one of acceptance, and by hiving them off to a separate forum, we are simply compounding their exclusion.

The idea and request for a LGBT forum came from the volunteers who provide the Alzheimer's Society Carers Group, which is a telephone support service for anyone who identifies as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Callers may be concerned about anything to do with dementia - especially if they have dementia or if they are caring for someone with dementia.

It's not so much about having a separate forum, any more than the LGBT telephone support service is about a separate helpline, but more about demonstrating to LGBT people that there is somewhere where there is an understanding about the unique issues that they may face, when dealing with dementia.

Unique issues? LGBT people living with dementia face much more than the prejudice that they may have faced all their lives. If you are confronted with professionals, families, others (or even the law) who do not recognise the relationship you have, or assume that you are heterosexual, then your position as a carer, or as someone with dementia, is completely different from others.

The LGBT area on Talking Point will not be exclusive to anyone who does not identify as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender in the same way that 'I have memory problems' and 'younger peoplw with dementia' are not exclusive and we hope that anyone who has anything relevant to post will do so.

 

[Margarita]

What does LGBT mean ?

L G -- lesbian gays ???

So what does the B T stand for ?

PS

Just seen what it means .... lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender LGBT

 

[CraigC]

LGBT = Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender.

 

[Skye]

Thanks, Meldrew. Between you, you and Doreen have satisfied my reservations.

As long as people want it, that's fine by me. I just felt it was wrong to impose segregation.

 

[roger1941]

roger1941

Hello Everyone.

I'm new to this forum and I'm deparately hoping that I've mastered the technology sufficiently for my first contribution to be read.
I'm a gay man and help out with the LGBT carers group, in fact I was one of the people who helped to found it.
I cared for my partner for 8 years and one day he went missing from his residential home and was found dead on the beach the next day.
We didn't always have the most empathic responses to our needs, though there were a huge number of friends and service providers who did and said exactly the right things.
Gay people of my age do not easily acknowledge the fact of their own sexuality - some of us have been in the closet for so long that it feels safer that way. But when we are faced with dealing with something like dementia there are all sorts of challenges which arise not least do I tell the fundamental truth about myself or not.
On the LGBT pages of the Alzheimers website you can see a lot of articles about the issues we are facing.
I would just like to say that for us it isnt really about being treated the same as everyone else. I have lost two partners over the last few years and what I desparately wanted and largely received after the death of my last partner was for people to treat me as a gay person and ask the right questions about our lifestyle and feelings; and then to make the right responses in terms of words and care.
Apologies for going on!!!! I really do need to shut up faster!
Will be glad to participate in lots of different threads but cant do so until after February 4th.
Best wishes all
Roger

 

[Skye]

Hi Roger, welcome to TP.

You've mastered the technology fine, and I'm glad you posted on the main forum. I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.

I'm so sorry to hear of your partner. It's hard enough to lose a loved one, it must be so much harder in the circumstances you describe. Ok, we may not all ask the right questions, hopefully we can learn from your posts what they are!

I do know that many of us have suffered the loss of a partner, and can empathise with you there.

I hope you'll continue to post on any forum you choose.

Best wishes,

 

[Amy]

Hiya Roger, and welcome to TP. I am so sorry to hear of the circumstances of your partners death. I know my mum went missing for 2 hours one day........it was horrendous. I can only begin to imagine your pain and anguish. Look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Love Helen

 

[Grannie G]

Apologies for going on!!!! I really do need to shut up faster!

Hello Roger, welcome from me too.

Never feel you need to apologise for `going on` . It`s only from our posts that we can get to know each other.

My husband went missing for 4 hours, on a visit to Manchester. Fortunately, he suffered no harm, and was eventually found safe and well. Your experience must have been heartbreaking.

I look forwards to hearing more from you, on whatever section you choose to use.

Take care xx

 

[Nell]

Dear Roger,

No such thing as "going on" here! You can rant and rave and we will still love you!

As for LGBT, please tell us if we say the wrong thing. It is often difficult to know what is acceptable in certain situations, and I (for one) sometimes avoid saying something in case I unintentionally give offense.

Having others who truly understand your experiences will be very helpful I imagine - and having you to give support will be very helpful for them too.

I was very saddened to read that you have lost two loved partners, one under especially awful circumstances. How awful for you.

Every best wish.