1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #1 Margarita, Feb 4, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2008
    I'm glad they have this section LBGT


    Must take a lot of courage to come out talk about about it .

    This is a really good read .

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=332&pageNumber=5


    I think it take more courage for LBGT to ask for a section of they own on TP for them to come out publicly on PC or out side PC land that they are gay , then it would take someone with a spot on the nose to say , care staff are disrespecting me for a spot on my nose :)

    LGBT really open about they sexuality, not that I think about that when I talk to a person . Gay or not, but they must find people have issue with it, when in care homes and getting support.
     
  2. LGBT issues

    Thanks Margarita for your nice words.
    I'm one of the volunteers working for the LGBT carers group.
    I'm glad you mentioned the issue of residential homes. Although a residential home is likely to say that it doesn't discriminate against LGBT people, and I am sure that very few do so, them being positive and accepting about a person's sexuality is another thing. Consequently older LGBT's are likely to go back into the closet, if they were ever out of it, because they are fearful about the response they might get to admitting their own sexuality.
    I have written an article about this in the Autumn edition (2007) of our newsletter and this can be read on our pages within the alzheimers web site (www.alzheimers.org.uk/gaycarers)
    Best wishes
    Roger
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #3 Margarita, Feb 6, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2008
    I went to the part about Homophobia , but its asking me for password ?




    As I was wondering the other day after posting that, I bet they Homophobia staff in the care homes , due to they
    religion or other issue they have with the sexual act of it , so its blocking then seeing a LBGT person as a whole human being .

    Easy for me to say Raise above it all , but now can you tell someone with dementia to do that who is Gay , no wonder like you say they go back into the closet, them where does that leave the person partner ? sounds like a hell of a lot of blocking feeling they . That just can't be right and not allowed to happen .
     
  4. chridgets

    chridgets Registered User

    Aug 6, 2013
    57
    BC Canada
    Happy to find this part of the forum

    I have only just discovered and joined TP. While it is true that this is an equal opportunity disease, it is a challenge to find other same-sex couples where a partner has dementia. Here where i live, I know one other couple struggling with the same thing. AS someone who has been an activist for many years, it seems that this is one more area of challenge. So far my partner is at home with me, but I was supporting a couple one of whom was in a care facility. Every time I was there with them there was always one staff person who would come in and comment,"Oh you're so lucky to have such a good friend." What to do? Stay invisible or educate once more??

    the Chridgets - Chris & Bridget!
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,879
    Kent
    Welcome to TP Cridgets. :)

    Are you Chris or are you Bridget?

    It`s good to see someone in this Forum after so long. Sadly it`s hardly used . I`m not really sure whether that`s good or not so good.

    That`s a tough question. No one wants to have to give a pocket history of their lives and yet no one wants people to presume.

    I hope you`ll find TP supportive. Do you care for your partner alone or do you have a care package to help you.
     
  6. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,953
    Female
    London
    I think you can choose to... 1) ignore, 2) smile (through gritted teeth) 3) correct eg (partner not friend) or 4) educate, if you have the energy and feel it may be understood or recieved well....
     
  7. chridgets

    chridgets Registered User

    Aug 6, 2013
    57
    BC Canada
    Thanks, Meme and others for your welcome! I am Chris, Bridget is the one with dementia.
    I guess when I posted, it was really a rhetorical question. Before I retired, I used to provide training for Health Care providers around what culturally appropriate care for LGTB people. In one class, a student knowing what the focus of the class was, came with Bible in hand! Most didn't have the slightest clue about the most basic things like how to address someone other than the heterosexual route of "Hi Mrs. xyz, How are you today?" Annoying for many women and particularly so for me as a lesbian! Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant!
    Chris

     
  8. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,643
    Hampshire
    Hi Chris

    How interesting and thank you, your post has made me think. Although I work with some LGBT groups through my job and I have some gay friends, thinking about it I realise I address them all by first names and so it has not cropped up as to what term to use. Is there a correct or more acceptable way? If so, I would be grateful to know for future reference please.

    Thanks

    Celia

    Sent from my GT-I8160 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  9. Nanak

    Nanak Registered User

    Mar 25, 2010
    1,973
    Brisbane Australia
    Hi Chris and welcome from me too. :)
    Celia, your post made me think too. I have some gay work colleagues and yes, like you, I have done and do address them by their first names.
    I would presume should the need arise I would just use Mr or Ms?
    An interesting thought
    Nanak (Kim)
     
  10. chridgets

    chridgets Registered User

    Aug 6, 2013
    57
    BC Canada
    I appreciate your welcome and openness. Sure with friends we always use first names. My experience is that depending on age and culture, many younger workers believe that respect means addressing someone as Mr. or Mrs. This works for men - straight or gay. It doesn't work for lesbians, single women and some older women. (My mom always wanted to be addressed using her first name)

    The simplest approach is when meeting a new client, resident, patient is to ask what they prefer to be called.

    A year ago, I was in the ER having had a bad fall,6 broken ribs, shattered spleen) the nurse kept calling me Mrs. Despite the pain I was in, I just had to correct her. (Maybe it was a good distraction FROM the pain!)
    Chris
     
  11. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,643
    Hampshire
    Thanks - so it would be Miss or Ms.

    Have to say it doesn't just happen in the LGBT community as I am single but always called Mrs - I mostly ignore it or sometimes joke - oh..."didn't know I was married - what's he like then?" or perhaps I should say... "I have a husband? oh good, he can pay the bill!"

    Will do as you suggest - which I do to some degree but I guess more as to whether they would like first name or full name and most opt for first names.

    Celia
     
  12. shelley c

    shelley c Registered User

    Aug 7, 2013
    12
    Happy to know about this section in the forum.
    I´ll post regurary.
    Cheers
     
  13. chridgets

    chridgets Registered User

    Aug 6, 2013
    57
    BC Canada
    Hi Celia,
    I agree that this happens to many women. My mom who was married for 50 years always preferred to be called by her first name. So the practice of asking anyone/everyone what they like to be called is a good one.
    Chris
     
  14. Nanak

    Nanak Registered User

    Mar 25, 2010
    1,973
    Brisbane Australia
    I am now divorced but still prefer Mrs or my first name. Could never quite get used to Ms :confused:
    To be honest as long as no one calls me by a rude name I will answer :D:D:D
    Nanak (Kim)
     
  15. Mamsgirl

    Mamsgirl Registered User

    Hi Chris,

    It seems unfair to be carrying the extra burden of invisibility vs education in a situation as a challenging as a care facility, and I don't know if I'd have the energy to educate but the invisibility option would irk.

    My stepfather's room was full of photos, including pics of he and Mum being affectionate. He needed these ones especially because he missed Mum so much. Wonder if this would've done the trick for the couple you mentioned?

    Can't help but feel it would be worthwhile for staff to know their resident isn't a single person but is in fact half of a loving and enduring relationship.

    Take care,
    Toni x
     
  16. Antbee001

    Antbee001 Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1
    Glasgow
    Hello there,
    I've been a member for a while now, but this is my first post. My OH has early onset AD, she was formally diagnosed 4 years ago, but when I think about it, it took a grip late 2006 early 2007. I am lucky in that I attend a carers group once a month, but I am the only gay person there. I am a private person by nature and it took me a long time to share what was going on in our lives. I feel comfortable now, but this is 2 years later. I can totally relate to a previous post about pretending to be someone's friend or sister, but in the end I thought, who am I kidding. I have loved this woman for 24 years, it it really feasible as she deteriorates and fragments people aren't going to wonder. We attended counselling for 2 years, which helped immensely and we worked through a lot of personal stuff. Now as things are declining, my OH is changing history, not in my favour I might add, so I find this deeply upsetting. I set up a blog, for my own personal use really but I'm happy to share it now. I'm glad to have found this section, because at the end of the day, there are subtle differences that need to be addressed. I feel blessed by the care and attention we have received as a couple, but I think we have been extremely fortunate, and I know other people's experiences have not been so positive. I will likely experience this when my OH goes into care, which hopefully is a while away yet. Each person's journey is different although I believe there is a common thread that we can all benefit from by sharing information, how to get around difficulties and different approaches to similar situations. I hope to be a regular contributor now, and if my experiences can help anyone, even better. Toodle pip x

    This is my blog address, I don't mind if you want to take a look x
    alfeckinzheimers.blogspot.co.uk
     

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