I've not contributed for some while as I've been busy settling Jim into full time care. Jim (59) was taken into hospital on Maundy Thusrday after the last review meeting as he had deteriorated considerably, this was for assessment and a trial off the aricept as it seemed to be no longer working. He spent 6 weeks there and during that time my daughter fought long and hard for a place in a specialist young dementia home she had found in Manchester. We did not want him to end up in an elderly persons home. This unit, when we found it seemed to be the answer to the prayers we had had about Jim having to go into care. We visited several times (not with Jim though) and it seemed ideal and the staff are lovely. They offered us a place and then the battle for funding began. Thank god for my daughter who put her legally qualified head on did lots of research and got a place from continuous care funding. Without her we would not have this place, as by this time I had been signed off work with exhaustion and have no fight left in me. I think as a family we have been very lucky not only to get the place but to have such fantastic support from both Jim's consultant and CPN they have been wonderful. Jim moved in last week from the hospital to the home. He has deteriorated even more and it breaks my heart to see him now looking so ill and helpless. The home are doing a wonderful job to get him settled, he is being well cared for, he is with peers of his own age, infact he is one of the older residents and his environment is lovely. Where does all this leave me after 5 years of daily dealings with Alzheimers and 30 years of marriage? Totally lost, exhausted, guilty and wondering how to come to terms with the virtual loss of my husband at 54 and wondering what to do with the rest of my life!! I try to visit as often as I can yet I come away in tears, I try to keep myself as busy as I can yet have little motivation for anything. This must be the cruelest of illnesses to have to deal with. Where do I go from here?