Dear Gigi, you have such a lovely daughter! I'm so glad she was there for you again, and able to help you take those first steps towards freedom.
It sounds as though Eric has a very good home, so now you need to concentrate on you. As others have said, it takes time to get used to having the time to do normal things.Six months ago I was still looking after (and living with) my husband's mother, and also being the main carer for my dad who lived alone in his own home, but was violent and confused all the time. MIL fell and broke her hip, and never walked again. She died very peacefully 2 months later, having had a heart attack while watching her favourite TV programme. So I don't feel any guilt about her, because we did everything we could for her. My dad had to go into hospital in January because he had pneumonia, but we couldn't let him go home again (and this is where the guilt comes in!) He has vascular dementia and has been a danger to himself and others for a while, but it was only when he went into hospital that I realised I couldn't go back to those endless nights of worry. His nursing home is lovely, the staff are very caring, but I still worry about him because that's what I do.
Last week I had my daughter and my grandchildren to stay, and I'm starting to get the hang of just doing what I want, but I still have the feeling I've forgotten to do something. We went to the wedding of a friend's son to my neighbour's daughter, and we stayed out till 2am! I haven't been able to do that in years! It felt good. But then you get the sadness. It's getting better, and I know it's early days, but don't be surprised if it takes longer than you expect. I'm starting to set myself little tasks: Go out for lunch without feeling guilty, go to the theatre and switch my phone off, that sort of thing. I hadn't even realised that I always keep my phone on, just in case. You can almost feel the weight lifting from your shoulders if you dare to do it! One day at a time. And some days you'll feel as if you're going backwards, but that's just because it takes time to accept how exhausted you've been.
Wishing you courage as you move towards your new life, love Sue x