Letting go...

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
67
East Midlands
Today I visited Eric in his new home. The SW picked me up and drove me over to see him.

I haven't seen Eric for 3 weeks and didn't know what to expect...but my imagination had filled in the bits for me and I was very stressed before we left...:rolleyes:

Eric was asleep in his room when we arrived..his TV was on, the pictures that I'd taken in were on his wall...he looked so peaceful...:)

We left him to sleep and went to the office to do some filling in of forms etc with the manager. Her update was very positive.

They are getting to know Eric..and they like him. They are giving him space and time to adjust and he is not a problem. The manager told us that she expects all of her staff to put themselves in the residents shoes and try to realise their confusion and to react to them accordingly at all times.

He has made friends with 2 other male residents and is socialising. He is eating well and sleeping well. He is displaying "sundowning" from 5 o'clock in the afternoon but they're aware of that(and it was so good that this is understood)
and can deal with it.

When I went back to Eric I gave him a hug and a kiss to wake him up...he just looked at me and said.."Sorry poppet..I've been asleep again" He ate one of the chocs I'd taken in for him and enjoyed it. The Social Worker commented on the fact that he has his own bathroom and Eric said "Yes..it's just like being at home".

I left him to sleep in front of his TV...just like it would be here. Kissed him goodbye and said I'd see him later.

Can't tell you how relieved I am to have made that first visit and how reassured I am.

And I'm happy to say that Eric looked much better cared for than he looked the last time I saw him..he looked less troubled and as I've said before..more peaceful.

It's early days but this place seems to tick the right boxes...I can let go and let others do the caring.

It's not easy to let go..but I do think it's for the best..:)

I have my own struggle to come to terms with but knowing that Eric is cared for will help enormously.

Love xx
 

Bristolbelle

Registered User
Aug 18, 2006
1,847
Bristol
Thankyou...

It's a post like this that will make it easier for myself and others when they need to consider residential care for loved ones :)
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
Dear Lizzie,

That must be such a relief:) At last Eric is somewhere that he can be assisted with understanding care rather than being seen as a nuisance:eek: These are the first steps of this part of your journey and up to now they are not as bad as you'd imagined - long may it continue.

You need plenty of time now to adjust to what this means for your own life.

Love
 

allylee

Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
180
57
west mids
Lizzie that warmed the cockles of my heart. xx My mums first care home wasnt up to much but her second one , just for AZ and dementia was superb.

It means everything when we have to relinquish care of our loved ones to see that they are more than capable hands.

Im so pleased for you and Eric

hugs xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Gigi, I'm so glad Eric has settled so well. It's a hard time for you, but it will be so much easier knowing you don't need to worry about his care.

Take it easy now, and give yourself a break.

XXX
 

Bookworm

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,581
Co. Derry
The perfect place

I feel all happy-sad one and the same time. But mostly just really relieved for you & I agree with BB - it is reassuring that it can be so good for Eric. Now I'm hoping to hear soon how life is improving for you - which it will over time, xx
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,830
leicester
Gigi

Well done you, that must have been so hard.

Am so pleased Eric seemed settled and it is early days.

So take care of yourself
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
Telford
Dear Gigi, what a relief that Eric seems settled. Now you can start to care for yourself while others care for Eric, and you can enjoy visiting Eric. It's not a situation anyone would choose to find themselves in, but it is the best solution in the circumstances.

Love to you both xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,764
Kent
It`s the most reassuring feeling to find the ones we have cared almost single handedly for are in the right place with the right people.
You can start to relax now gigi and know for most of the time you can concentrate on youself.
 

Goingitalone

Registered User
Feb 11, 2010
1,685
Lo vely, positive post

:) Gigi that is so reassuring. You wrote so well and I know many of us will be comforted by the fact that there are good homes out there.

I can understand your feelings so well. It was bad enough when my Mum went into respite recently. It must be a hundred times worse when it's your partner going into residential care.

Now you have to get your life back into some form of normality. It will be easier once you've adjusted to this new way of coping.

God bless,

Maggie
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
2,607
Herts
I am so pleased Eric has settled in so well and your first visit went smoothly. It makes so much difference to know they are happy and content.

Thinking of you.

Love
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,319
East Kent
Am so pleased that Eric has settled nicely.

Now you know Eric is being well looked after, perhaps you can start to relax a bit, give yourself some much needed and long overdue T L C
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Dear Gigi, I'm so relieved your visit to see Eric went well and that the home seems to be dealing well with him. I have to say I wanted to cry reading your post because I think I can feel how hard this all is for you.

I am relieved for Eric too, of course, because the home sounds nice and sympathetic, and the best possible choice.

Please take care of yourself as much as possible.
Love xx
 

Amber 5

Registered User
Jan 20, 2009
890
60
Berkshire
Hi Gigi,
I'm really pleased to read your post - it is so reassuring when you know Eric is being looked after well and you can begin to relax a little. My mum moved upstairs to the dementia part of her care home last week and I think it has been so much harder for me than for her. I understand your feelings so well before your visit, but how wonderful it is to feel some relief afterwards.
Best wishes,
love Gill x
 

Bronwen

Registered User
Jan 8, 2010
602
81
Bristol
Oh bless you and thank you. There are so many of us who know we will have to take that step at some time and reading your post made me feel hopeful. I am so pleased Eric has settled in and as previously written...now is the time to start looking after yourself and find out out what is going on in that outside world after so many worries that have taken over your life. Also you will enjoy visiting Eric so much as you will be more relaxed because I know the tension between Trevor and myself at times just spoils it for us and any kind of harmony just goes out of the window. I do hope this is the start of an easier time for you.

love
Bronwen x
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,849
52
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Gigi,

I'm happy to read that Eric is settling well and that the CH is 'getting' him.

I do know however the double-edged sword of letting go. Relief that the burden is shared, nose slightly out of joint that you are no longer in complete control. Or maybe that's just me - your regular control-freak! ;)
 

Scottie45

Registered User
Jan 25, 2009
1,409
CoAntrim
Dear Gigi

So pleased to hear that Eric is settling in well to his new home and that he is making friends,i hope you can now start to relax,you take good care Marian xx
 

larivy

Registered User
Apr 19, 2009
5,225
67
essex
Gigi thats brilliant news so pleased he has settled well and the staff seem to care for him now have some you time look after your self love larivy