1. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    I know it's a small thing, but i was so upset today because i have been getting dads cards for moms b/days, and helping him write them, and today i just didnt manage to be able to get him to write it. Last b/day was ok we managed but not this time.
    Went to see mom after and i felt terrible for her, over 50yrs of marriage and i couldn't make it look like his writing even if i helped him. First time i had to do it.
    Said sorry mum, and changed the subject quick. Good job she had b/day and mothers day pressies to open.
    Thinking of all of you with moms out there, today isn't an easy one.
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I’m sure your mother understands what is happening to your father?

    It is emotional sad I know for you , how is your mother anyway does she live alone and is in good health ?
  3. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    Can your dad do crosses, Jan Jan? Next time tell her that the kisses are all from him, perhaps? I'm sure your mum will understand. She will have had a lovely day anyway, thanks to you. You can't go through her grief as well as your own. You're doing very well, be kind to yourself!
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Janjan

    My husband can't write his name either. Until last year, I wrote his signature on a piece of paper and he copied it, but this year he can 't even do that. I guess what we see as letters are meaningless squiggles to him.

    It's just another sign of the deterioration. I don't think your mum would have been too upset. She's living with him, and must see the signs herself. It's all very sad, but the fact that you had bothered to give her a lovely time will have made the day that much brighter. Your parents are lucky to have you to support them.

  5. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    Thanks for your support, We are off to visit him tomorrow, unusual for us we usually go separate so dad has visitors on diffrent days if we can.
    we took her out for a meal tonight to cheer her up for her b/day.
    Shes been on a downer for a few weeks because shes had 2 falls and at the moment as a fractured shoulder, so have been trying to keep her going.
    I will try the crosses next time Deborah, i just couldnt seem to focus on sunday, he was having a bad day. Thanks , Janet.
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Dear janjan. Had vaious forms to fill in today. Even though my lovely Lionel is now in care the forms don't stop.

    Signed for him on various forms, and got to thinking. Nowdays he is even unable to buy me a card, let alone write one. His age, just 65.

    This desease is no respector of anything, age, status, gender, you name it.
    We do what we can to endure. You are doing a wonderful job for your dad, supporting your mum. Don't beat yourself up. Love,
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Janet,

    It has been my birthday today.

    My husband chose a card, last week, while I waited outside the shop. It took him a long time, as he carefully chose one. Whilst he was queueing to pay, I noticed he had the card in his hand, but no envelope. I hung about, not knowing what to do for the best, but the assistant left her till and went to get it for him.

    When we got home, he put it away in a safe place. We spent the next few days looking for the card. We found the envelope, but not the card.

    Eventually we found it. I asked him to write his message. He struggled, but did manage to write my name and his name, in a very shaky hand with spidery writing.

    So it wouldn`t get lost again, we put it out on show. It is a beautiful card with a lovely verse. It made me cry.

    Even then he forgot and kept worrying that he`d not bought me a card.

    Reading your posts hit home. I wonder what next year will bring.

    Take care. With love
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sylvia

    Your husband chose a lovely card for you, and managed to write it. Never mind that he had to be helped, and lost it a few times.

    He did it, and the struggle makes it the more special. Cherish it and keep today among your most special memories.

    I hope you had a lovely day.

  9. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    I agree - and also keep the card. Believe me, it will grow in value over the years.

    Thanks for sharing this!
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    My sentiments also, skye lovely put thanks

    My mother can still write her
    name, I buy the cards for her and she sigh it , she can still remember to spell nanny and her memory scoring is 10 , I just prompt her.

    Jan Jan yes sounds like your doing a wonderful job in helping to motivate your mother.
  11. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    Sylvia, sounds as if the sky could have fell down as long as he had his card for you safe.
    Brought a tear to my eyes, how lovely, god bless, hope you had a nice b/day, 21 again i guess.
    My mom recons she was 17 instead of 71, now come on now she is pushing her luck. :rolleyes:
    Well i'm off now got 3 buses to catch. :(
  12. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    My mother told a man in a hospital waiting-room she was "22 and a half".

    I usually prompted card-sending, "do you usually send a card to ...?" "have you got a suitable card in your box?" She wrote them herself or gave them to me to write, depending on the mood of the moment. The postbox was a useful distance for some of her walks. The more of it she did "all by myself" the happier she was.
  13. MrsP

    MrsP Registered User

    Mar 19, 2005
    Hi to All,

    One of the most difficult things that I have found so far is looking at my Dad's hand writing in cards; it used to be something I didn't think twice about but now every time a card comes in the post (posted by my Uncle) I cry at the scribble at the bottom. Over the past two years it has gone from being a bit untidy to being barely comprehensible. As others have said, I keep the cards as a tribute to the fact that he made the effort, but it's deeply saddening at the same time.

    After I had my first child, he wrote me a beautiful letter in a card which I still cry about every time I think of it (he's not a man that speaks openly about feelings, but he put it down in writing for me to keep forever). Since this cruel disease robbed me of any further letters, I will forever be grateful for that one.
  14. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    It's very hard, my Susan stopped buying my cards years ago, and recently she stopped writting in them. My daughter does it for her. Yes it is hard but I think back to when Susan was ok, but knew what was happening and she said to me that what ever happens she will always love me and she is so sorry for her illness.
    So I always think back to those words.
  15. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    Mom finds she misses his cards, i always buy ones with red roses on for her off dad and if there is a heart on thats a bonus, because she had a heart shaped wedding cake. These are the cards dad brought for her, but she always said he had lovely writting.

    The hardest thing i find i miss about dad is the phone calls we had.
    Because he lost his speach about a yr ago we havn't had a conversation on the phone for about a yr before that because mom used to use the phone because his speach was deteriating then.
    Oh if i could just have 1 conversation on the phone, he used to always make me laugh on the phone. Funny how diffrent things afect us all in diffrent ways. Janet
  16. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Janet,
    I do know how you feel - if we could just have one more conversation - is it really so much to ask for?
    Take care. Love Helen

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