Let's hear it for caring care homes

[Rodelinda]

Having booked my mother (90, vascular dementia but no major problems with behaviour - normally)into a care home and following an assessment by them, we went there yesterday morning (after a not good weekend) but she was OK. Left her eating lunch and said goodbye having put away her clothes in a lovely, welcoming room. Just about managed to relax in the evening but still up before dawn.

Phone call at 9am - they couldn't cope with my mother. As well as threatening staff with her walking stick (and having pinned one of them against a wall) and needing 121 care (including at night), she was also wandering into other residents' rooms and trying to get out. Very sorry but they didn't think she was safe. But the manager told me they were part of larger group and there was a secure dementia home very close and if we were happy she'd contact them.

She did so, room available (it was one I had considered and has good CQC rating and good family feedback). We went to collect her after lunch (found her in duchess mode) and the staff couldn't have been nicer or more caring and understanding. We took her to the other home and were bowled over by the welcome, the caring attitude, the general bustle, how well all the residents looked, the immediate jump into action - and huge apologies that as the lift was out of order today she'd have to go into a room without an en-suite for tonight but they would move her into a nicer room tomorrow (which we saw, and yes, it is lovely). We had a good pep talk from the deputy manager who couldn't have been more caring or nicer or understanding. I was nearly crawling up the wall myself at the thought of her coming home when we'd been looking forward to 2 weeks of freedome for a month or so but her attitude and that of the other staff we met made me feel so much better and relieved that my mother would be in good hands.

So hats off to both care homes - the first for their clarity and caring attitude and for arranging an alternative home; the second for instantly jumping to action and being just so caring, reassuring and kind.

 

[HillyBilly]

Oh phew - my heart was in my mouth when I read the first bit!
Yay x

 

[BeardyD]

Well said Rodelinda, glad it all turned out well. We hear a lot on the news and on TP about problems with Care Homes. It's usually justified but we have to remember that it is only a minority of homes - although even if it were only one home it would be too many. We who use good care homes often stay quiet, we need to praise them and give confidence to others that the future is not all gloom and doom.

At the moment my wife only goes to daycare but the home (50% dementia) takes people all the way through to dementia nursing care. The first time we walked in we knew it was right for her. When my daughter visited she said it looked like a brochure for high quality student accommodation (not the actual thing). Meals are prepared and served separately in each "household" of about 10 people with no set meal times and a flexible choice. Alternatively meals can be taken in the Bistro, which is open to the public, at any time with a wider menu. The staff couldn't be more caring, they don't wear uniforms and treat everyone as a member of an extended family except instead of "Dotty Aunt Doris" it is "Doris is the same person she was but needs help to achieve things".

It is true that the number of staff is higher than average but when you look at what has been achieved a lot is down to staff training and a management understanding that "herding cats" is a valid management technique.

I realise we were extremely lucky coming across a home as good as this but from talking to other people the general standard of care homes and their staff has improved tremendously over the last 20 years. So lets praise the good care homes - and shame the bad ones.

 

[Frederic H]

Lucky you-my O/H was asked to leave within 3 days for aggressive behaviour having been in touch with over 25 homes but all say we only deal with mild dementia.
So social services are trying to get 1-1 care whilst they try to calm her with resperidone
and continue looking as they say there is no space in hospital
So the message is if the care home says it deals with dementia 90% want nice peaceful people
A thought- If my wife had cancer she would be in hospital like a flash.if I got ****ed and collapsed in the street I would be in hospital like a flash but if you have dementia you are on your own!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Rodelinda]

Frederic - I agree and am just horrified how dementia, which is a serious illness, is largely dealt with ie as a social not a medical problem. BeardyD - glad you've found somewhere that could be excellent for your wife if she needs care. HB - thanks as I know you've been through it all.

All well today - she has a UTI so hopefully the antibiotics will deal with this and she will be back to normal (she hit a member of staff last night and fell twice - it must all be so disorientating and distressing for her) and clearly no-one wants this to continue. The staff at the home are being brilliant with her - though I'm not plannign to visit but trying to get through stuff at home. Thanks all. Sue

 

[carol4444]

Yes, caring care homes are pure gold. My Dad has been in a care home for a month now. The care home are quite happy to have my mum (who has Alzheimers) to visit, stay all day and have lunch. I have offered to pay but there is no charge. The first time she visited she managed to get lost , we found her sitting in someone else's room. Today she fainted and slid off her chair onto the floor. I am enjoying the few hours to wiz around her bungalow and clean it up but wonder how long it will be before the care home realise that she is probably worse than many of their own residents. The care home is locked so I know she will be safe. I'm sure they have seen it all before.