1. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    One of mom's favorite sayings at the end of a day when it was time for bed.
    Well i think dad's finally saying [ lets call it a day!].
    He has been refusing food and drink for a week. No way can i get him to eat. He has a chest infection, and thrush in his mouth.
    This is been treated with a spray and some other medication.
    He's slightly coherent, at the beginning he said his throat wasn't sore, then yesterday he said it was.
    He has been bed bound since November, when he came through phenomena, and back to us.
    Trouble is i have mixed feelings, i know he's got no life now, and i want him to be out of his misery, but he didn't seem in pain till these last few days with his sore throat, he just seems to be gradually slipping away. But at the same time I'm saying no I'm not ready for you to go yet, even though i thought he should have gone in November. I can't quite understand my feelings now know the time is near. :confused:
     
  2. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    dear janjan
    So sorry to read your post. With so many mixed feelings...(what a dreadful disease this is) I hope your dad can be made as comfortable as possible. Keep thinking about the good memories.
    kind regards
    hendy
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Sorry to read your post:
    You will never be ready, whenever the time. All you can do, if nothing more positive can be done, is to accept how dad feels.
    Make the most of your time together, keep him as comfortable as possible. Savour the good memories. Keep today alive.
    We none of us have control over tomorrow.

    Thinking of you.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,363
    Kent
    Dear Janjan,

    Such a sad and confused post from you. You have always been so strong, now you don`t know what to think.

    It`s as well it`s not for you to decide. Make the most of your father`s presence, what happens next is out of your control.

    Be comforted that you have given him your best.

    Love xx
     
  5. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    155
    Hove
    Hello, Janjan

    I was so sorry and sad to read your post. I lost my own Dad nearly two years ago and I understand what you mean when you say that you're not ready for him to go yet, I felt the same, although Dad had been v. poorly and was in effect "ready to go".

    We do have to let those we love slip away from us. You know, sometimes I think people are almost waiting for our "permission" to pass away (sounds mad) so if you can bear it, you could talk gently talk to him about "other stuff" - people he's lost in his life and hopes to see again, that sort of thing. Sorry, sounds awful but if the end is near we can't really avoid it, I guess. I found it very comforting before my Dad died. Just realised, the last paragraph doesn't work very well.

    I do hope you are OK. I don't know you at all but your message touched my heart.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Janjan

    I know exactly how you feel. It never is time, is it?

    You've taken such wonderful care of your dad, and he'll decide when it is time.

    Just do what you've always done. Love him, comfort him, tell him you're OK. The end will come, one day, and you'll feel so much more accepting if you can make these last days as loving as possible. I know you will.

    Thinking of you and your dad,

    Love,
     
  7. Cloudwatcher

    Cloudwatcher Registered User

    Nov 2, 2007
    33
    West Sussex
    Dear Janjan,

    Sorry to read your post Janjan. What a difficult and confusing time it must be for you. All I can say is don't try to understand your feelings, just feel them.
    My thoughts are with you. (((())))

    Lee x
     
  8. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Oh..Janjan,

    My heart goes out to you..

    No need for words..

    Love Gigi xx
     
  9. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Janjan,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Father.
    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  10. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    1,707
    Female
    Leicestershire
    Dear Janjan

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My only advice would be to go with your own feelings, do what is right for you and your lovely dad.

    My thoughts are with you both,

    Love Burf xx
     
  11. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Thanks to you all for your kind wishes at this difficult time.
    Mom and myself was unable to visit for two weeks prior to this, due to a sickness and diarrhea bug within the home, so it feels like we let him down some how, and maybe he felt OK I'll go now you haven't visited, it's stupid of me and i know it wasn't our fault we couldn't visit him. But when i think sensibly about it i know he has no concept of time, and has nothing to do with the fact that he has deteriorated so fast over the last few weeks. Dad didn't have the bug, thankfully. I have been very tempted to this week to tell him its OK to let go. But got a lovely smile yesterday when i told him to dream of fishing for some trout at the edge of a stream. Bless.
     
  12. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear janjan,

    I really feel for you and your mum. It's very difficult to be torn between your own feeling.

    I think it's a case of what will be, will be. You and your mum are doing your utmost for your dad.

    A terrible time to endure. Caring Thoughts, Taffy.
     
  13. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Janjan

    I'm sorry you are going through this stage, giving permission for a loved one to leave this life is a hard thing to do. All I can say is my thoughts are with you and your family and sending you {{{hugs}}}.

    Take Care
    Clare
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Janjan, you know you haven't let your dad down. You think the world of him, and he knows it. Look at it the other way -- perhaps he was waiting to see you again, because he didn't want to upset you.

    If you feel it's right to tell him it's OK to let go, then tell him. It was a lovely thought, telling him to dream of fishing. I told my mum that my daughter was waiting for her, and I wanted her to tell her how much I loved her. That brought a lovely smile, too.

    You're doing everything right, Janjan, just as you always have. Take care of yourself,

    Love,
     
  15. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Janjan

    (((((((((hugs))))))))))

    It is a very hard road that we trudge isn't it.

    I have found one advantage of this disease is that I can speak to Mum and say things to her that I couldn't day to my Dad at the end. However when she was close to death 18 months away, like you, I wasn't ready to do this. I did not want her to go. She did not want to go.

    Do not worry about missing a visit. This happened to me as I had a bad URTI as Dad was at the end of his life. Dad knew I would have visited if I could. Your Dad will know that too.

    Thinking of you.

    Mameeskye
     
  16. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    #16 AJay, Mar 5, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2008
    Hi Janjan

    Love and hugs, I know how you feel. My Dad is struggling more and more with his life, he's losing everything he valued and loved and I think he's had enough of the indignity his AD causes. He keeps quoting 'death where is thy sting, oh grave thy victory' to me, he's done this for years and we always had a joke as I joined in and finished it off for him. Now I know he means it these days and I can't play along any more. Yes I want him to go peacefully and quickly and no I'm not ready for him to go, far too much to say to him and do for him yet to make up for this awful disease and the decisions I'm having to make about how he lives the rest of his life.

    Much love and hugs to you, your Dad and your family.

    AJay xxx
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    My mother not at your father stage yet so do not know how I would feel , Only have felt , seen it with my mother sister ending of life after she had a stroke .

    just want to send you my love .

    and agree with with what connie said


     
  18. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    I have finally managed to somehow tell dad it's OK for him to let go, in my own way. I said i hope your not worried about mom, he answered[no].I said i will look after her for him.
    Somehow i hope he understands what i was trying to say.
    I couldn't bring myself to say let go dad it's ok, because does everyone know when they are dying. I'm unsure with someone who has a brain disease would know how ill they was.
    I went to see mom today as she has been unwell this week, and been unable to visit dad, she seems a bit better so hopefully will be able to visit dad saturday. it's difficult when there just 1 of us to go to see him, and at the moment i am trying to carry on at work as normal.
     
  19. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Janjan, you're doing so well.

    Stay strong, love.

    Love and hugs,
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,363
    Kent
    Love and respect Jan.
     

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