1. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    I wasn't sure how to title this thread but I thought it may attract your attention.

    I have started this thread in response to an article in the latest edition of Share, form Dory's lesbian carer in the hope that Dory's carer (who I will call DC from here on) will read this thread. I feel it a sad reflection on our society that we need a separate support network for lesbian and gays (or Christians, Muslims, Blacks, Whites etc).

    To my knowledge, on TP, these divisive issues have never arisen nor should they - we are all people whose lives have been touched by AD and we should all support one another regardless of the labels that society at large attach to us.

    To DC I would say that what we have in common, caring for some one we love, is much greater than that which some feel divides us. If you should read this DC, please join us - your support is sorely needed.

    I would be interested to hear the views of TPers on this matter and I plan to write a letter to Share on this issue.

    My thoughts are with you DC.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    Dick,
    I'm with you 100%. We're all in the same boat here & I think it's called the Titanic.
    Who cares about a person's preferences in anything at all? Yes, there always will be people I don't like but that's personal, not about their sexual/ religious/ national/ cultural bents.
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    :confused: sorry am confused have not read it . is it in a Thread ,that I have Miss ?
     
  4. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Spot on Joanne! Oh how I HATE labels:(
     
  5. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    268
    Bucks
    Yeah but no but yeah but ...

    (sorry, just adjusting my shellsuit)

    One of the many wonderful things about TP (and there undoubtedly a huge number) is that this is something that doesn't seem to be an issue to anyone here at all. I couldn't agree more with all of you that have posted so far on this thread, and it's really lovely to be able to say that.

    I think where the need or desire for 'specialist' support groups comes in is in a wider sense. Imagine you're estranged from your family when a parent is diagnosed; unavoidably involved in the situation, you may find yourself forced to 'come out' or ostracise your partner. More significantly, it may be your partner who is diagnosed. Although we now have civil partnerships, not every gay man or lesbian considers them to be 'for them' and many would be revealing a relationship they've been playing down by taking such a plunge. Without that legal recognition, it's hard to be able to act in your partner's interest (and there are financial, medical , legal and many other arenas in which you will have to jump hurdles).

    This is actually being discussed on another thread (sorry, don't know how to do links!), but - as I was pleased at the start of this - I'm pleased to say it's not a problem for David or myself so far. Hospital, SS and care home staff have had no problem with it at all, and the home staff welcome David warmly when we visit. (In our case, it helps that we were 'out' to our families before the illness arose. I'm trying to have to explain anything to my Mother, who would probably struggle now to comprehend in a literal rather than a moral sense).

    Some lesbians and gays will also find comfort in having a support group of 'people of their own kind' (I'm sure I could put that better!!), and I can't see why that should be a problem to anyone. I'm not like that, but that's just me. For me, TP is somewhere I can come to talk through the issues and feelings of adjusting to a relative's life being touched by dementia.

    But this is a potentially huge topic, and it's past my bedtime. I think I can sum it up for now as 'if the rest of the world were as eglitarian, caring, suportive and non-judgemental as TP, the rest of the world would be a significantly better place'. And long may TP remain that way too - this place really is a magnificent testament to the finer elements of the human spirit.
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    The divides you do not see

    Wonder why I cared to mention on my public profile that it was my adoptive mum I was caring for? Perhaps it was the trigger someone said 'well, it's not your real mum' .....(so I just dismiss her? or I am not worthy or able to love and care for the woman who has brought me up and loved me for 40+ years? or I am labelled for something I had no control over as some kind of second-rate citizen?)

    Canadian Joanne, I love your inference to the Titanic, but hope we all have more strength in our hidden depths than can ever show on the surface!
     
  7. LizP

    LizP Registered User

    Mar 6, 2006
    10
    Hi Everyone,

    As a number of people have suggested, whilst it may seem reasonble to expect an 'all in the same boat' perspective when it comes to caring for someone with dementia, for gay and lesbian carers, the boat, unfortunately, is liable to spring any number of leaks that may not be apparent to heterosexual carers.

    The notion that sexuality is not important in this context is, I think, misguided and I couldn't agree more with Dave and Nada.

    I think Dave is referring to the thread I started a few weeks ago - anyone interested might want to have a look.

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=2950

    Cheers,

    Liz.
     
  8. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Dave and Liz

    I did not intend to imply that it is an "issue" that lesbian and gays have there own support network just that it is so sad that they cannot share their problems with the rest of us and also offer their support. If they feel a need for their own support network, fine, but we are all human beings.

    As a 70 year old I find it somewhat amusing that people think that lesbian and gay issues are new as I have known them both since childhood and to the majority of people accepted them as they are. The law was the impediment in my youth and thankfully that was repealed.

    Sorry but no offence meant.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  9. LizP

    LizP Registered User

    Mar 6, 2006
    10
    Hi Dick,

    No offence taken at all :)

    It's great that you've flagged up an important issue.

    Cheers,

    Liz.
     
  10. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Quote:Canadian Joanne
    I'm with you 100%. We're all in the same boat here & I think it's called the Titanic.
    Who cares about a person's preferences in anything at all? Yes, there always will be people I don't like but that's personal, not about their sexual/ religious/ national/ cultural bents

    Joanne
    Our ship was named the SS Talking Point by a young man on this site,some time ago now.
    The SS Talking Point will never sink!!!!
    Norman
     
  11. Meldrew

    Meldrew Registered User

    Apr 28, 2003
    53
    London
    Hello Dick
    No offence taken. It's not a case of 'cannot share problems' but for some of us who are lesbian or gay there is a reluctance to share personal details because of such negative experiences in the past. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not bleating about being a victim, I've been out as a gay man for longer than I care to remember and it's only an issue for me when it's an issue for others. I think it's difficult for anyone who is not from some sort of minority to comprehend this. Perhaps we're all in some sort of minority but it's more acceptable to vilify some rather than others

    I'm very fortunate that I work in an environment where the idea of inclusion is put into practice rather than simply an idea - although there's still a long way to go. If it's of any way of an explanation my most recent experience of homophobic abuse (and I'm no sensitive little flower by any means) was the day before yesterday whilst walking down the street near my home. This was the first incidence in a long time but it's still very irritating, offensive and threatening - try to imagine how it feels to be abused and marginalised for simply being who you are.
     
  12. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Thanks Meldrew for an insight to the problems you face. I guess that the longer you live the more you realise that you know so little.

    Don't let the b*****ds grind you down.
     

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