Legal opinion on home transfer

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by John Clark, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. John Clark

    John Clark Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    Dear Members,
    We have been married for 67 years but my wife is now in a nursing home following successive bouts of chest infection. However over the last six months she has been relatively well considering her dementia and alzheimers prognosis, but now she repeatedly pleads that she might be allowed to spend remaining time at home with me.
    I cannot get any active support from GP, nursing home manager or social services assessor. I am intending to purchase a Thermaposture Rotocare bed, an Invacare Reliant 350 Stand Assisted Hoist (as used with her in the home) and a commode and minor accessories. Of course there would be daily attendance by qualified carers for support and no doubt the district nurse would be available when required.
    Are there any legal objections to us proceeding with these proposals? Any advice would be welcome,
    John Clark new member
  2. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    Well first of all, welcome to TP, and secondly, congratulations on having such a long marriage. :) Your thoughts and plans are to be applauded, but I was concerned to read that you can't get any support from your GP or Social Services.

    This seems like a mammoth task, and though you say there would be daily support from qualified carers, for how many hours of the day, and night, would this support be available to you?

    I'm assuming you're well into your late 80s, and with all the love in the world, and wanting to grant your wife's wishes, I do hope you don't find this too exhausting for yourself.

    I don't know about the legal implications, if any, but I do wish you all the very best, whatever the outcome. What a wonderful husband you are. :)
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Congratulations from me too - 67 years!!

    I too would be concerned about the implications on your own health, and whether you would be able to manage. Because truly, I would think that one of the reasons your wife is now doing so well is maybe because of the environment of the nursing home? There is so very much to consider - not only the round the clock staff on call, the meals ready prepared by someone else and served up, the cleaning all done, the beds changed, - there are the things we don't normally think about. The temperature kept constant and warmer than we would normally keep our homes, for example.

    Playing Devil's Advocate here, if I might, and looking at things from a different angle - and I'm not in the UK, so don't know how things work there - and also, forgive me for being a bit to-the-point about what's not my business! But it sounds, from what you say about purchasing all that equipment, and having carers coming in etc., as if, financially, you are quite solvent? So - well, given that the doctors, nursing home manager and Social Services are not supportive of the idea of taking your wife home - would it be possible for you to join her in the nursing home? Would that comfort her? It would be a big ask, I know. Certainly not something to do lightly. But maybe something to think about?

    Of course, the other thing is - does she ask to go home when you are not with her? My husband sometimes gets quite upset when I have to leave the nursing home. Yet I know that as soon as I am out of his line of sight, it's the same as if I had never been there. Literally a case of out of sight, out of mind! So, maybe talk to the Manager and other staff, and find out if this wish to go home is something your wife has expressed to them, or if she is more content at other times.

    You have a lot to think about - It really is a big decision. If you do decide to take your wife home, you would need to have an enormous amount of support in place. For weekends and holidays too. Take care.
  4. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    Dear John

    Congratulations on so many years of married life. I can understand your wish that you could have your wife at home now that she has improved following chest infections but her improved state of health seems to me to be an indication that she is being well cared for in the nursing home

    The thing is, John, in the time that your wife has been in nursing home, you have had time to catch up on sleep, rest and relax a little and now you are thinking you would manage to cope, albeit with help from care workers, district nurses, etc. but of course they are not there all the time. Most of the time, day and night, your wife would need attention - is it realistic to think that you could cope with her care. The equipment you mention is being used in nursing home by staff; there would always be two staff members doing this - different story at home!

    I am not commenting from a legal standpoint but as carer for my husband. He has Vascular Dementia which means he needs more and more help from me - very hard work. Whilst it is my dearest wish to be able to continue caring for him at home, I can say that I am really struggling and feel that the time will come when he will need a level of care that is impossible at home.

    You have said that you cannot get any active support from GP, nursing home manager or social services assessor - I think their message to you would be that it would be ill advised for you to proceed with your plan to care for your wife at home.

    Bless you John - your heart is urging you to have your wife home to spend your days together, that is your heart's desire and very natural but my advice would be for your wife to stay in nursing home where you know she is being well cared for and I'm sure you spend lots of time visiting. xx
  5. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    North Somerset
    Dear John. Congratulations from me too on your 67 years of marriage. You must both have been very young when you met. I'm afraid I agree with the other posters that, with the best will in the world, you will just get totally exhausted, make yourself ill and then where would your dear lady be? Please consider what others have said about your wife settling down again as soon as you have left. It's very usual and I too think you should speak to the CH manager to see if this happens before you make any decisions. Do you get family support or are you on your own?
    Sent from my GT-N5110

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