Hi!
I'm new here. I live abroad and my father, who lives in England, has mid-adv stage ALZ. He has incontinence issues, his memory lapses are pretty severe, and he is not very mobile. He is generally happy in himself. He is not and never has been prone to wandering. He lives with my mother who is his primary carer. She is 15 years younger than him, now aged 70. My mother gets carer support 4-5 days a week at about 5 hours each time. She receives a carer's allowance.
My sister, who lives about 6 miles away, thinks my mother is irresponsible leaving him at home alone sometimes in the evening and wants me to tell her the same. She thinks she is putting him at risk and that she should stay home all the time or put him in a home.
Background: In the evening my mother sometimes goes out leaving him alone (2-3 times a week). Generally she goes to the neighbour's house or down the street to a friend's house, so she is never far away. But she may go out for a 3 hour stretch. When she goes out, she usually leaves a baby monitor with the next door neighbours, and they will go in and check on him if they hear anything. Recently he had a fall while my mother was out, but the neighbours heard him and took care of it. He wasn't hurt.
I received a bit of a ranting message from my sister asking me to tell mum she shouldn't be doing this. She says Mum doesn't listen to her and she needs my support. What do people think? Is my mother putting him at risk? Should I encourage my mother to put Dad in a home? Will my mother be found guilty of neglect if my father falls and hurts himself/dies while she is out as my sister suggests? Before I speak to my mother or my sister next, I'm wondering what the perception is about leaving him alone at night with the precautions she has in place.
Thanks for any help. It's difficult to interfere with anything living abroad and being removed and unable to help practically. i am wondering if I should schedule a week home again despite finances (we have to travel as a family of 4 next year for a wedding).
I'm new here. I live abroad and my father, who lives in England, has mid-adv stage ALZ. He has incontinence issues, his memory lapses are pretty severe, and he is not very mobile. He is generally happy in himself. He is not and never has been prone to wandering. He lives with my mother who is his primary carer. She is 15 years younger than him, now aged 70. My mother gets carer support 4-5 days a week at about 5 hours each time. She receives a carer's allowance.
My sister, who lives about 6 miles away, thinks my mother is irresponsible leaving him at home alone sometimes in the evening and wants me to tell her the same. She thinks she is putting him at risk and that she should stay home all the time or put him in a home.
Background: In the evening my mother sometimes goes out leaving him alone (2-3 times a week). Generally she goes to the neighbour's house or down the street to a friend's house, so she is never far away. But she may go out for a 3 hour stretch. When she goes out, she usually leaves a baby monitor with the next door neighbours, and they will go in and check on him if they hear anything. Recently he had a fall while my mother was out, but the neighbours heard him and took care of it. He wasn't hurt.
I received a bit of a ranting message from my sister asking me to tell mum she shouldn't be doing this. She says Mum doesn't listen to her and she needs my support. What do people think? Is my mother putting him at risk? Should I encourage my mother to put Dad in a home? Will my mother be found guilty of neglect if my father falls and hurts himself/dies while she is out as my sister suggests? Before I speak to my mother or my sister next, I'm wondering what the perception is about leaving him alone at night with the precautions she has in place.
Thanks for any help. It's difficult to interfere with anything living abroad and being removed and unable to help practically. i am wondering if I should schedule a week home again despite finances (we have to travel as a family of 4 next year for a wedding).
