Later stages of Alzheimer's

[Jasmine1]

Hi all,
My mom is in the later stages and is cared for by my dad. She has a carer each morning except at the weekend. Mom also attends a day centre twice a week. We have a review meeting today with the social worker involved. My dad has experienced mental health issues over the years and I can see signs of this returning with the stress of caring for mom. Her behaviour is becoming more aggressive towards him and others at the day centre. I would welcome any suggestions/ advice as my dad is a difficult character to deal with as he refuses to accept mom's condition and it's implications, plus any idea of her possibly going into a home because of the funding side of this. Thanks!

 

[Shedrech]

Welcome to TP Jasmine.
Tricky isn't it!
I'll be brief as the meeting is today:
can you write out your concerns on paper (maybe just print your post) - with a note of any behaviours of your dad's and your mum's that are worrying you - and what ideally you would like to happen eg more care visits, more day care, respite, a befriender - to hand to the consultant /SW or even the receptionist to pass to the consultant/SW - or get a word with them before they see your parents
then they are pre-warned to ask probing questions
you may well end up as the bad guy in all this - if you are prepared for that then don't hold back at the meeting - especially if your dad isn't going to tell it like it is
can you actually tell him directly that if he doesn't accept more help for his wife and for himself, he may well end up unable to care for her and the choice to place her in a care home may be taken away from him
and that actually they both may relax if she is not his responsibility 24hours a day

I appreciate that spending your life savings on care isn't what we all envisage but they may be able to get LA funding, and if he's worried about losing his home, it won't happen while he lives there
has he got Attendance Allowance for your mum? would he qualify for carer's allowance? a reduction in Council Tax?

I hope the meeting goes well for you all

 

[Jasmine1]

Thank you for your response & advice. The meeting went well in my opinion with the social worker being more aware of the current situation. Thanks again!