last post

[susan]

Dear All
Having laid dad to rest this week after nearly 10 years of seeing him disappear before my eyes - i am saying au revoir - i find it too difficult at the present moment to contribute to the site and what with trying to cope with my work as well. I thank those that have genuinely helped me through difficult times - mainly Chesca, Norman and Jude. I hope that all goes well this year for those still encaptured in this soul destroying disease - keep smiling and take heed from Norman - day by day!
Yes a miserable post - just how i am feeling.
Please make all you can from the time you have, grasp every moment with delight - i cherish the last smile i had from dad about 6 months ago- but i cherish more the photo of him in Scotland, with the wind in his hair, on top of a mountain 10 years ago.
All the best to you stars who are caring 24/7 - but remember not all can do this - don't make them feel guilty for putting them in homes - circumstances sometimes over ride this as well as finding time for your own life as well as paying the mortgage!!!
Susan

 

[Norman]

Susan
I can understand how you feel at the moment,but please don't leave us for good.
Some of us are following behind you in our caring and you could be such a help in preparing us for what lies ahead.
All the very best
Norman

 

[Chesca]

Sue, oh Sue, have only just read your post and wept. A miserable post? More like a very moving and touching post I'd say, you're more than entitled given the valiant and emotional struggle of you and your beloveds.

You are obviously so absolutely devastated even now. And your Mum? How I wish, Merlin like, I could take that away but sadly that is the job of time passing and would make a mockery of love however painful.

J walked into the room from his shower and asked what had happened as I was strangely silent and then I cried, showed him your post. Hope you don't think that an intrusion. Being all gung ho as he is, and thanks be for that sometimes, his immediate reaction was with a tear in the eye: the dome! the monies wasted on such rubbish when it could be put to so much better use funding research into AD. In reading this through, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Like you need to know! Sometimes..........

There are no rules for inclusion here, as far as I know, only the shared knowledge of our collective experiences, past and present, both tragic and, at times, fun. You can call in when you like or not, if you don't like. But would you come back eventually if I and others could make you raise a smile, every now and then? In the Tea Room? I've taken to a fine cup of Darjeeling (laced, of course!).

Do you feel judged? Hope not. Non-judgemental has always been my way of viewing other's experiences (alongside the silent chant of 'never say never'). I feel guilt about Mum being in a nursing home because I feel , as many before me have, that I could have done better, but the 'better' I really expect of myself is to find a cure. And, given that from my second year at school and leading in biology, physics and any other sciences providing opportunities for bomb making, I then hit adolescence, plummeted and discovered, how should we call them.... other outlets (we're still looking for them) you will understand, professionally, that my chances of researching things medical are severely limited to the instruction on a linctus bottle! I'll do my best that's all any of us can do without going down with the HMS AD!

Instead of au revoir could we perhaps say arriverderci, somehow not so final to me (French never v. g.) - one day you may come back to beat me over the head should I get out of line. I will not forget you and yours even if you can't. Maybe one day.

Not something I would usually presume to do, but I know on this latter and very much the former statement, I can speak for Jude. Unfortunately, she has communication problems caught up as she is, but I will make sure to post yours and mine to her as technology permits. I know she will be very sad for you, feel that can be said in truth, but you do too, am sure.

Take good care, you. I'll miss your company through the bad and good - so here's to you and the future from my glass of the best red wine, and to Dad. Oh, I'm so sad.

So much good love to you for life
Chesca
xxx

 

[barraf]

Dear Susan

So sorry to hear about your Dad, I extend my deepest sympathy, it is always sad to lose a parent, the end of an era as well as the loss of a loved one.

Your post is certainly not miserable, only poingnant.

I sincerely hope you will continue to post in the future, as many of us will no doubt sometime face similar circumstances, and as you well know, the messages on TP can sometimes help you through the darkest hours.

Love and best wishes
Barraf

 

[Sheila]

Dear Susan, thinking of you, understand your pain totally. God Bless, love She. XX

 

[Chris]

Dear Sue

Last message but the doors always open !

Just to say Snap! I'm having to say Au Revoir to a real live TP group - as it were. It is a Support Group for "relatives" that is for relatives or friends of people with dementia who live in care homes or who are recently bereaved.

I'm thinking of leaving the group after attending since it started about 3 years ago I think. To keep it effective it needs to stay about 8 to 10 people so there will be others coming into the group. My Mum passed away in November and I cant keep up all the dementia related things I'm invovled in - I'll always do something but I also need to do other things now. Its hard to say goodbye.

Even if i 'leave' the support group I can contact the organisers -if I need to - they will still be a safety net for me. I like to think of TP in this way too - along Mums dementia journey I found having 'safety nets' a great help - I tried to be one for my Dad & hope that gave him some peace of mind - if he couldnt be with Mum - a phone call & I woudl be there . If there were more support services then carers would not be so highly stressed.

I'm off again !!! Am hoping to help to campaign to keep a specialist dementia care home open (Council are hell bent on closing it) - so changing times.

You sometimes have to free up some time (if circumstances allow) in order to make room for new things. New things can help when the person you care for has gone too - but only when it feels right - no set recipe for this. One day you feel fine & take on a new challenge - next day feet feel like lead & you dont want to venture outside even. Take each day as it comes & do what you can.

I felt I needed timeout to recuperate - having the long Christmas holiday helped as many things come to a stop.

TP will I hope always be here - so if we need to return we can.

Bye for now.
Take Care.
Chris

 

[Sheila]

Chris, like the Windmill, "We never close!" take care, love She. XX