I just read the post from Bugs re her week on the Isle of Wight with her husband, and I can so relate to that. Having thought long and hard about even taking a holiday this year, I decided to go for it, and we have just returned from a week in a lovely self catering cottage in Norfolk. This is our usual type of holiday, and is in an area we know and love well.
We couldn’t have asked for better weather, hot and sunny every day...in mid September.
But.....Instead of coming home relaxed, refreshed and de stressed, I’ve come home with a deep sadness. We generally only go away once a year, and I think I know deep down that in a years time my husband will not be able to holiday anymore. I’m even wondering if he will still be living with me this time next year. And that realisation brings me such a profound sense of sadness, it also if I’m honest brings me feelings of anger and resentment , which I’m ashamed of. I can’t help but think “ What about me “. Am I destined to holidaying on my own , or probably not bothering actually. Shall I be the women in the hotel single room overlooking the carpark, put on the small table in the corner by the kitchen door in the restaurant....is that my future....
We had problems that I hadn’t expected this week, he was far more anxious and confused than he is at home, seemed generally unsettled and not happy. Little things threw him....like using the kettle because it was different to ours at home, finding light switches, remembering which cupboard door was the fridge , remembering where we were etc. I worried sick that we would get separated when we were out and he would have no idea how to find me....he no longer has a mobile phone.
If I’m honest, it was a strain, and I’m not sure how much he enjoyed himself, I also desperately miss talking to him....his conversation has reduced so much, we walk and eat in silence most of the time now, and I hate it. I say “ do this, don’t do that “ just like I would with a toddler....hardly a stimulating chat with the man I’ve loved for 40 years is it.
We got chatting to a lovely couple on the holiday, they were retired, they had bought a camper van, and at the first sign of good weather take themselves off.....I don’t want a camper van, but just that passing conversation with two total strangers made me feel so sad for the future that I won’t have......
And sadly I think he knows it too, and that just makes me want to cry, especially when he keeps saying he’s sorry.
So, I think I’ve just had my very last holiday with my husband....how very very sad is that.
Thanks for listening, I just had to pour all this out.
We couldn’t have asked for better weather, hot and sunny every day...in mid September.
But.....Instead of coming home relaxed, refreshed and de stressed, I’ve come home with a deep sadness. We generally only go away once a year, and I think I know deep down that in a years time my husband will not be able to holiday anymore. I’m even wondering if he will still be living with me this time next year. And that realisation brings me such a profound sense of sadness, it also if I’m honest brings me feelings of anger and resentment , which I’m ashamed of. I can’t help but think “ What about me “. Am I destined to holidaying on my own , or probably not bothering actually. Shall I be the women in the hotel single room overlooking the carpark, put on the small table in the corner by the kitchen door in the restaurant....is that my future....
We had problems that I hadn’t expected this week, he was far more anxious and confused than he is at home, seemed generally unsettled and not happy. Little things threw him....like using the kettle because it was different to ours at home, finding light switches, remembering which cupboard door was the fridge , remembering where we were etc. I worried sick that we would get separated when we were out and he would have no idea how to find me....he no longer has a mobile phone.
If I’m honest, it was a strain, and I’m not sure how much he enjoyed himself, I also desperately miss talking to him....his conversation has reduced so much, we walk and eat in silence most of the time now, and I hate it. I say “ do this, don’t do that “ just like I would with a toddler....hardly a stimulating chat with the man I’ve loved for 40 years is it.
We got chatting to a lovely couple on the holiday, they were retired, they had bought a camper van, and at the first sign of good weather take themselves off.....I don’t want a camper van, but just that passing conversation with two total strangers made me feel so sad for the future that I won’t have......
And sadly I think he knows it too, and that just makes me want to cry, especially when he keeps saying he’s sorry.
So, I think I’ve just had my very last holiday with my husband....how very very sad is that.
Thanks for listening, I just had to pour all this out.