Last Family Holiday

[jackie1]

We had 2 weeks in Lanzarote and the change in environment/routine affected John dreadfully and all he wanted to do was come home. He was so distressed. Eventually he decided to stay as I think the thought of dragging the children home early or travelling back (and on to his sisters) with a stranger was a worse option than sticking it out.

Luckily for him the distress he suffered has now passed from his mind and he thinks we had a great holiday!

I however, have come home more stressed than when I went, only saving grace is that the boys had a lovely time.

 

[Skye]

Jackie, so sorry your family holiday didn't work out. Both Sylvia and I (and no doubt many others) had similar experiences.

We keep trying, but I think there comes a time when the stress far outweighs any advantage. It hurts, because John and I have enjoyed so many wonderful holidays together. Just another pleasure lost!

Love,

 

[Westie]

Hi Jackie,

Sorry to hear about your holiday but pleased your sons had a good time. They will only remember it was a great holiday and not how stressful it was for you!

We aren't going abroad on holiday this year as I couldn't face the extra stress of coping in a strange environment in another country. Sad though, as this is the first time for 19 years we haven't been away. I'm just grateful for the wonderful times we have had in the past.

But we are going on a narrowboat holiday week after next in Staffordshire. My sister and family are coming as well so I have company and lots of support for Peter. Peter and our children are really looking forward to it so fingers crossed all goes well.

How have you found the school holidays - better or worse for John? Peter has been unsettled by the lack of routine and structure to the days which is, of course, what the rest of us love!

I work in a school part time, so it will all change again in a few weeks time.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m afraid our holidays are over too. Just when we have the time and money, we don`t have the health, and insurance is proving to be a problem.

My husband still asks every day, and sometimes several times a day, where we are going next. I list all the places we would like to visit but say we`ll have to wait until I lose weight, or get fit, or feel better, or any other excuse I can think of.

Perhaps one day....................

But at least our holidays didn`t stop when our son was young. For those of you with children, it`s even more painful.

 

[Amy]

Does holiday not come from 'Holy day' - maybe we have to go back to the origin. So often, so many us set off looking for a week or a fortnights pleasure, and even when all parties are in good health, we return disappointed - the weather, the food, upset stomachs, tensions between parents and children, tension between partners. Maybe many of us would be less disappointed if we concentrated on enjoying days rather than being disappointed by that special holiday.

Just a thought.

Love Helen

 

[jackie1]

It's a lovely thought Helen, but our children (9 & 7) love their holidays and they are already talking about where they want to go next year! And John and I have always loved travelling so it is so sad to know that this was was our last holiday abroad and possibily in this country as well. He was so uphappy.

Westie - he is finding it really hard having us all at home. Like you I work part-time in a school (office). We are looking to convert the garage into a room (with a window) so he has somewhere he can go to get away from us when we all get too much for him, which sadly seems to be all too often.

 

[Skye]

Jackie, maybe you need to be thinking of respite for next year, so that you can take your children on holiday.

I know it's not what you want, but the children deserve their childhood, and some quality time with you.

Just a thought, sorry if it's not what you want.

Love,

 

[jackie1]

Hi Hazel,
I've had a chat with his sister and hopefully she will take care of John next year. his mum has said that she will come over but she's in her 80's and although she is with us at the moment I don't think she really understands what that entails. I think we will wait and see what the next few months bring before making any decisions.

And yes, I totally agree the boys have to have fun and let off steam which is what they can do on holiday. As lovely as it is to watch the care they lavish on their daddy they have a right to be little boys and run totally wild.

 

[christine_batch]

Holidays

Last Monday I was invited by my son-in-law, to an all expense trip to America. Grand Canyon a place in America I had always wanted to see. Going with my daughter, 8 year old Grandson and 14 year old Grandaughter. Due to Peter being in a Care Home I did not think it was right to go "just in case". Low and behold on the Monday at 8.20 am the Nurse (who desperately needs help with really understanding Alzheimers). Ask me to go to the Home and when I got there it was so a stupid situation that had not been handled very well. Warning Peter i would be very angry if he did not shave. I was fuse because I have never been cross nor angry and any stage when he was a home. No wonder he was so confussed. I miss the family holidays we had but have loads of photos and very precious memories. Too many Barcardis and Peter swinging up around lamp posts is oneof our Grandad's special moments.
Christine

 

[Westie]

We are looking to convert the garage into a room (with a window) so he has somewhere he can go to get away from us when we all get too much for him, which sadly seems to be all too often.[/QUOTE]

Jackie, this sounds like a good idea for you. We are fortunate to already have a small conservatory. Peter has 'adopted' this as his room/sanctuary. He doesn't do much there other than listen to the same CDs over and over again, but it is somewhere he obviously feels more comfortable away from the normal family noise and activity. He won't join us if we are all together in the lounge and it is harder to get him to actually eat a meal with us now. He actively seeks solitude, or so it seems. If we sit with him in the conservatory he will get up and leave after about 5 minutes. Perhaps John is the same.

Getting more worried about our trip now as we saw registrar yesterday for a review and she doesn't think I should take Peter away! Is concerned that his behaviour may become more extreme and I wouldn't have access to any help. She's given me a presription for Lorazepam (valium I think) for 1 week which I'm to use, if needed, to sedate Peter. Now I'm worried.

Snap - I too work part time as school admin!

Mary-Ann

 

[zebb37]

i hadn't really thought about the implications of going on holiday. we have already booked to go to india on november. fortunately this is not to strange an environment for her as we have stayed at the same hotel and villa so many times but maybe a few words with the docotr before we go

 

[Brucie]

this is not to strange an environment for her as we have stayed at the same hotel and villa so many times

that's fine if it still works, but keep an eye out because it is the nature of the condition that even the most familiar places and faces start to become strange to the person.

Hope it works for you!

 

[sheena]

Thanks for posting today regarding your holiday and I am sorry you did not feel the benefit. However you have helped me realise that maybe the past few weeks when my husband seems to have had quite a bad dip may be related to our 11 day holiday we had in the med. in June. He apparently had a great holiday at least that is what he tells everyone and I had a bit of a stressed holiday and even more stress since we came home - could the holiday be the reason. We went on a cruise on a ship that we have been going on for the past 8 years (so I thought usual routine on board would be good and our son does get us a good reduction) and it seemed so while we were away but awful since we got back. Initially he didn't want to go on holiday this year and told me to go with my daughter and grandaughters in october, which has been arranged then he decided he wanted to go on the cruise - so we did - anything for a quiet life) However I am still looking forward to October and have arranged for his sister to come and stay in our house (for a holiday as we live by the sea - with her brother ) he seems to think this is okay and I feel I may be able to do it this year while he still knows where I am and who I am with - may not be able to do it in future years.
Glad to hear your children had a good time and maybe you could try like me having a bit of time on your own or with other family members if you have family support like my sister-in-law(not everyone is this lucky). I know I have asked her to take on quite a bit but I do feel this will be the one and only time.
Thanks again for posting.
Sheena

 

[annesharlie]

Jackie, I'm so sorry this was not the break you'd been hoping for. Don't give up on holidays altogether, by next year you will REALLY need a break, hopefully there is local respite care, or John's sister will help out or something, particularly with the age of the boys, they need some fun times. But I do appreciate that life is so much easier back at home, I find that too. Maybe they have summer camps for kids like they do here in Canada?

I'm feeling a bit nervous about our upcoming trip now - after reading these posts. We're going to the UK in Sept, and I've booked a one week Croatian coast cruise ( smallish ship) and also we'll have three days in Venice. For the Venice portion, my uncle and aunt will be with us, so there'll be extra adults, but I'm alone with R on the cruise and the flight/train/bus/taxi to get there... Wah, my stomach churns at the thought. I do hope I don't regret it badly once there, but I have been so aware that our holiday times are now coming to an end and I've always wanted to go to that area. I think I will get a script from the doc in case R gets unsettled. Probably some calming tablets for myself wouldn't go amiss!!!

 

[robin273]

Truth hurts

I have watched my wife decline with Alzheimer’s for around four years she is now in a nursing home; we had our last holiday abroad Nov 2004.
If the dementia is at all advanced my advice would be to try and make contact with someone who could offer you some support at the resort if not it is a big risk
In 2004 I was lucky as I planned to meet a WWII veteran who lived near by to our hotel in Florida, which I had booked prior to taking my wife on a weeks cruise. (Our first and only) The veteran and his wife were delightful and offered any support I needed including taking us to the ship and collecting us a week later then taking us to their home before seeing us on our plane. Looking back that was what made the holiday a success
I tried to take my wife on one last treat May 2006 I booked a trip in the February on the QEII she told me she would never make it unfortunately she did not
Regular trips out from home in the car were the order of the day for sometime and they worked well.
Leaving partners with relatives is dodgy I left my wife with our daughter for a week whilst I went on a reunion trip their relationships was very strained?
Moving on my wife spent three months in an assessment hospital this was the worst period so far, I have worked with animals all my life and understand the symptoms of fear. I used to go almost every day and take her out the weather was very hot and the hospital had no air conditioning, the bed rooms sparse and at times men and women wandered freely from room to room unchecked. I have nothing but admiration for the staff that work in these places, but they are stretched.

My own experience with general hospitals is dreadful they have no idea how to handle dementia cases on medical wards.

Tips before things get to advanced try to consult the patient regarding a living will also Lasting Power of Attorney, Just do not put these things off!! For those that can still drive when the time comes it is very hard to stop them, I did it by saying if my wife promised not to drive then I would tell no one then if she got better her licence would still be valid it worked pretty good just a few moans but it would have been so much worse I am sure if I had reported and had her licence withdrawn
My wife is now pretty frail but I still take her out about twice a week she has been in the nursing home just over a year. I think the greatest sin we can commit is to shut them away from public view; out of sight is out of mind.

One thing is for sure each case of dementia is different my heart goes out to every one concerned and if any one cares to contact me directly feel free. My wife is now 64 her mother died at 60 and her mother before her both with dementia, My mother in laws sister went the same way.

There is a great deal of debate regarding the provision of drugs we found Aricept good for around six months, what I do object to is the way these drugs are withdrawn if the patient is admitted to a general hospital by none experts in the dementia field

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Robin,

Thank you for your very painful account of your wife`s decline. I felt for you with every word.

Our last holiday was last month, and my husband went walkabout and was missing for 4 hours. The police were wonderful. When he was found he could offer no explanation, had no idea where he was and how he had got there. This was in this country, I don`t know how it would have been if we had been abroad.

He is still planning holidays and I am having to pretend there is still something to plan for. So we are planning holidays in China, India and Greece. It is rubbing salt in the wound for me, as I would love to be able to have these holidays, but there is no way I can take the risk.

My husband is not one of the Younger people with dementia, he is 75. But our plans for retirement have been well and truly scuppered. I suppose we can count ourselves lucky, for want of a better word, that it happened now, and not when my husband was younger.

Take care