Last chance for EPA tomorrow

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by tedsmum, Aug 23, 2006.

  1. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Hi Everyone

    Tomorrow I'm going with a solicitor to try to get an EPA from my dad who's in a mental health assessment centre. I haven't told them there yet, don't know when is the best time. I just feel so apprehensive about the whole thing as I know I'll have to get Court of Protection if this doesn't work. On a good day dad is talking about paying his telephone bill and council tax and five minutes later that he's got a job in security at the hotel he's staying in and how he met the pope yesterday. Anything could happen tomorrow and I'm left to sort everything out. I have a sister but she doesn't think she is capable of coping with it all, yes I know I'm stupid but I've let her get away with it. Thank God for my lovely supportive husband.
    I was just wondering what to expect tomorrow. How should I play it and how awful is getting POA. I've got all the forms but hanging on to my last ray of hope tomorrow.
    Thanks for listening

    XX
     
  2. maudie

    maudie Registered User

    Jul 5, 2006
    10
    Cambridgeshire
    Thinking of you tomorrow. We recently got an EPA for my mum and had been dreading it. The solicitor had completed the form and all we had to do was get her to sign it which she did quite happily. I know its awful but we've been saying its all to do with continuing to get her pension (little white lies, but oh so necessary), etc. Sorry haven't got any advice though. Maudie.
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Tedsmum,
    Don't 'play' it. If the solicitor feels that dad is OK to sign and understands what he is doing, that's great. If not you will have to go through COP - OK, it's a bit more hassle (though it is easier than it used to be), but if that is what is needed, that's OK too.
    We have to use COP - it does involve a bit of letter writing, and form filling, but once funds had been transferred over, and systems put in place, it is OK. A few years back COP had a lot of bad publicity, losing clients funds, but they are much better sorted now.
    So stop worrying. If dadi s not capable of signing the forms, then you just go down the other route.
    Love Helen
     
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi tedsmum ...... it sounds like your dad is rather like mine was ....... fine and "with it" some days and quite out of it the other days. that's how my dad was when we got the EPA (and oddly enough he was also in an assessment/respite place when we were making the application). The solicitor wrote to dad's consultant asking whether she felt dad was fit to sign. Her letter says something to the effect that she felt dad understood what he was agreeing to when she saw him, but that with his kind of dementia his levels of understanding would vary from day to day. I really hadn't thought she would agree to it ..... but she did.

    best wishes for tomorrow.
     
  5. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Hi Everyone

    Well have just got back from the assessment centre. I wasn't able to get EPA as my dad was not able to fully understand what was being said to him. Although he could tell the solicitor which direct debits he had he also said he'd only been living in his house for two weeks, actually 20 years, and that he didn't have any children.I don't think it helped that he told her he'd also been awarded the OBE!!!!
    So now it's Court of Protection, Any advice would be so appreciated.
    As a footnote when I went back in after the solicitor had gone he said was that OK everything should be sorted now, just take any money you need out of my account. I could cry and probably will tonight after a glass or two of wine.

    XX
     
  6. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    I'm so sorry you didn't manage to get the EPA. We're still waiting on the doctors letter to the solicitor before we can proceed with Grandad's.

    I hope the receivership option is straightforward for you.:)

    Louise xxx

    Ps drink a couple of glasses of wine (or more) but please don't cry.:)
     
  7. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    is it really up to the solicitor to decide whether dad is fit to agree to this? might it be worth questioning this with dad's GP or consultant. If dad is together enough to explain about his direct debits surely it's arguable that he DOES understand.
     
  8. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Hi Aine
    Thanks for your reply. Thats just what I've been thinking tonight. Luckily dad and I have the same GP who is amazingly supportive,nothing is too much trouble for him and I know he would do anything he can. It's just that I think I've reached the point where my life has been totally taken over my all this and I don't feel strong enough to fight this anymore. My marriage is suffering and I don't give my kids the attention I should,even though they are all over 18 now!!.
    I just feel I've reached the end of the line and I might as well go along with what Social Services and everyone else think I should.

    XX
     
  9. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    #9 May, Aug 24, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2006
    Hi tedsmum

    Hold off the court of protection a while, get Dad's consultant to see him (it will cost a fee for the visit and letter). This is what we did , the consultant came out and talked to Mum, did a mmse, and then wrote a letter stating that in his opinion (and he's the expert :D ) Mum was capable and aware of what she would be signing for the epa. We then had the solicitor (or more correctly the solicitors clerk:rolleyes: ) draw up the epa and she brought it to the house for Mum to sign and witnessed it. I'm only talking about April this year when this happened and it sounds as though your Dad is much more 'with it' than my Mum was then.
    take care I hope what ever you decide it goes OK.


    PS. Costs for us were £78 for the consultant, and £85 approx for the solicitors work, home visit included.

    PPS Don't let Social services bully you, it's your Dad and you want what right for him, not them :) ........
     
  10. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Thanks for the advice May I'll look into that. I don't understand why this has all been so difficult. Anyone who bothered to check could see that I've been involved constantly for well over a year now and have nothing but my dads best interests at heart.If I could get a break from all this financial stuff I could spend more of my energy looking after him.
    Thanks to everyone I don't know what I'd do without you all.
     
  11. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Tedsmum,
    Deep breaths and an early night are required! Things will seem better hopefully in the light of day.
    This has to be sorted with the COP, but it only has to be done once - once you are into the system it will become easier. Will your husband help you sort this? If not you may be able to get assistance through the CAB, or there may be some help from your local AD Society.
    Dad does all the form filling, but I always read them through just to check everything. Once a year there's a big form to fill in, and we send off copies of bank statements, but the rest of the time there is little to do, unless there is some big expenditure. So when mum went into the NH we simply wrote and said this is what is happening, this is what we will need for fees. Bills are just paid from the Receivers Account. The interest given on savings is better than you will get from B/Socs or banks.
    Let us know how you get on.
    Love Helen
     
  12. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    yes, i know how that feels. i got to the point where whenever anyone would ask how i was i'd say "um, well ..... dad is .............." like the whole of how i was depended on how he was doing ........ i kept going and going, and am paying the price for it a bit now .....

    might be worth one more push over the EPA though. a sympathetic GP is like gold dust ...... perhaps you should go and have a chat to him about it. it's possible that the less complicated the family situation is the more likely they are to agree to EPA in borderline things. i'm only child and my mother died years ago ...... so no one else around who might make a counter claim about it.

    one last go ........ and then try to give yourself and your family a bit of a break.

    best wishes
    Áine
     
  13. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Thanks Helen
    Yes an early nights just what I need. My husband is just the best but even he's getting fed up because this is on my mind 24/7. I know things will seem much better in the morning they always do.
    Things for all your concern and I'll keep you posted

    XX
     
  14. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Thanks Aine
    One last go and then thats it I think.
    This is in danger of becoming a bit of an obsession and all I ever seem to talk about is my dad. I can see everyones eyes glazing over as I speak.We're due to go on holiday on our own in four weeks and have never needed it more.
    Everyones kindness is much appreciated,

    XX
     
  15. susan.wisdom

    susan.wisdom Registered User

    Oct 8, 2005
    20
    Expenses

    I have just been appointed Receiver for my aunt through Court of Protection and have to sent them a monthly income and outgoings form so they know how much capital I need each month. I have no idea how much to put down as expenses, any ideas please. This would be for phone calls, stamps, paper and ink for computer to write letters, envelopes, petrol and car parking, etc, etc.
    Any info greatfully received.
    many thanks, Susan
     
  16. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hi Susan

    Over rather than under estimate as then you are less likely to get stressed if something crops up that you hadn't considered. Allow for regular treats for her, perhaps chocolates or fruit. Clothes and incontinence products are not cheap. Will you need to buy gifts for her to give to others - Christmas and Birthdays etc?

    Since being admitted to a home we have managed to set up Birthday parties for my Aunt each year - a little lower key each time - but she loves the attention and not having to worry about the cost (which can be scary) means we all enjoy the day with her.

    Kriss
     

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