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Lacking motivation

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,750
0
I think there’s a kind of long dementia carer effect (Quote from Kindred's post)

I also feel that this is a possible explanation Kindred. I sat at hubby's bedside every day for weeks and he died a year ago. Almost right away everything closed down due to Covid so there was nowhere I could go to meet other people and no family here.

This should be a time when I could tidy up, get rid of accumulated junk, do jobs that need to be done around the house and get tradesmen in to see to necessary house repairs/maintenance - so much has been postponed as hubby's needs were priority. Yet there is no motivation even to return to the hobbies I regretfully gave up when hubby's needs escalated. I wish I could regain a wee bit of confidence which is sadly lacking at the moment.

Thank you Pusskins and all who have replied to this thread - it helps to hear everyone's experience.

Lilac x
Thank you, my experience is very similar, all my church groups closed and on line tricky as some members too elderly or do not have computers. Possibilities of new directions closed. Yes, I do so agree with you. Grief under these circumstances is magnified.
Thank you. With love, kindred
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
I think there’s a kind of long dementia carer effect, a bit like long covid and I’m not being disrespectful.
Yes, I agree. a string of distressing and frightening experiences both mentally and physically.
As Melles Belles says, a form of PTSD.
I'm hanging on though, like my poor car or DIY tasks around the house and personal items like clothes, DIY watch repairs etc. Being patched up to keep going.
 
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DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
And I had awful experience of being reduced to a beggar by social services.
Such experiences are hard to deal with. Another I find difficult is 'outsiders' knowing my/our business. I'm a private person and have always valued and defended my independence. Experiences around dementia have 'forced' me to have to share my life with strangers and those I do not want to open up to.
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
@DennyD, I had the exact same panic about the state pension.
Like you, retirement age is not too far away and I'd got it into my head that I wouldn't qualify for the full pension.
If you log onto the Government Gateway site, you can check your work history to see if you have any years that don't qualify.
In my case, I had just one year. I had paid NI contributions, then was covered by Maternity Allowance credits, but no child benefit class 3 credits had been included for the rest of that tax year.
I downloaded the relevant form and posted my claim to add the credits to my work record
Good point re Government Gateway. There is so much to consider and deal with, I've found especially those things that you put on the back burner, then suddenly grab hold of you. I think, OK I can sort this but the systems and processes don't make it easy or quick.
 

Justmary

Registered User
Jul 12, 2018
111
0
West Midlands
I think many of us are lacking motivation, so much sadness and the pandemic is wearying.

Like you @Pusskins, my passions are craft and reading. This time of year, I'm usually looking through my veg seeds and counting the days until it's time to start planting. Yet I haven't touched my lace pillow in twelve months, can't concentrate on reading and with the cold snap we're having, planting seeds is on the back burner.

A little flicker of hope; tomorrow OH and I are having our first jab, we're in our sixties.
I'm not going to punish myself because I'm going through a can't-be-bothered phase, just go with the flow.
As my lovely Sister In Law says, you can write your name in the dust, just don't date it 😊
Same here. No motivation at all. Husband still at home, but dementia very advanced now. He spent a couple of years moving and hiding things in the house, destroying others. I yearned for time to do something for me. Now he cannot get upstairs and sleeps a lot. So I could start sorting things out, or simply doing some of the sewing or knitting I couldn't do before. Why don't I? It's like my life is on hold, in limbo, I can't move forward. Would it be easier if there was no pandemic? Or would I be spending most of my time just staring out at the rain anyway?
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,874
0
Hello @Justmary, I think you're right, the situation we're all in with our PWD, whatever stage they are at, is infinitely harder to cope with because of the pandemic.
Shall we try and motivate each other?
OH will be watching the rugby this afternoon, so I'm going to sit and knit for half an hour on the never-ending cardigan's.
It will help if I know that you're in your part of the country, knitting and thinking of me in my part of the country and knitting 😀👍
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
320
0
New Zealand
Hello @Justmary, I think you're right, the situation we're all in with our PWD, whatever stage they are at, is infinitely harder to cope with because of the pandemic.
Shall we try and motivate each other?
OH will be watching the rugby this afternoon, so I'm going to sit and knit for half an hour on the never-ending cardigan's.
It will help if I know that you're in your part of the country, knitting and thinking of me in my part of the country and knitting 😀👍
@Dimpsy You have probably stopped knitting by now, but I'm in NZ and about to go out into the garden. Last year, before MH went into care, my niece and her husband visited and did some odd jobs for me. I asked my nephew to remove a branch from a tree. When I went out to check, he had also decided other shrubs in my garden needed the chop. I can't tell you how upset I still am as my beautiful flowering quince is all but gone and he cut a hebe back so hard right at the start of winter, that it died completely. So now I'm going outside to feed the japonica (flowering quince) in the hope it too won't die, although some of what's left is looking decidedly sick. I am still terribly upset by it all, which doesn't help under the circumstances.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
3,077
0
Dorset
For any of you who like to do some type of art work but maybe need a bit of a nudge :-
This started two weeks ago with the subject Animals. I looked out a Dragon that I made to go above the bar years ago for St. George’s Day when The Banjoman was a Club steward. It seemed a good excuse to resurrect it and put it up in my bedroom window.
The next subject is a portrait, which is proving rather more difficult as I am not good at drawing people. I have spent the last couple of days attempting a portrait from a photo, having looked out some of my art materials.
Why don’t you join me? The last I heard, my neighbour had a log she was going to put on her fire but decided it had the makings of a face so she was recycling bits and pieces to make something to put in her window.:p
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
Hello @Justmary, I think you're right, the situation we're all in with our PWD, whatever stage they are at, is infinitely harder to cope with because of the pandemic.
Shall we try and motivate each other?
OH will be watching the rugby this afternoon, so I'm going to sit and knit for half an hour on the never-ending cardigan's.
It will help if I know that you're in your part of the country, knitting and thinking of me in my part of the country and knitting 😀👍
 
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DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
Hello @Justmary, I think you're right, the situation we're all in with our PWD, whatever stage they are at, is infinitely harder to cope with because of the pandemic.
Shall we try and motivate each other?
OH will be watching the rugby this afternoon, so I'm going to sit and knit for half an hour on the never-ending cardigan's.
It will help if I know that you're in your part of the country, knitting and thinking of me in my part of the country and knitting 😀👍
I've been trying to unravel some wool that I really like and want to use, even if it's just a scarf. But it's so knotted I fear I'll need to cut it. And one of my cats keeps it dragging around the house. There are other projects but can't decide which to start. Maybe the simplest one is best so I'll be motivated by a good result.
For any of you who like to do some type of art work but maybe need a bit of a nudge :-
This started two weeks ago with the subject Animals. I looked out a Dragon that I made to go above the bar years ago for St. George’s Day when The Banjoman was a Club steward. It seemed a good excuse to resurrect it and put it up in my bedroom window.
The next subject is a portrait, which is proving rather more difficult as I am not good at drawing people. I have spent the last couple of days attempting a portrait from a photo, having looked out some of my art materials.
Why don’t you join me? The last I heard, my neighbour had a log she was going to put on her fire but decided it had the makings of a face so she was recycling bits and pieces to make something to put in her window.:p
Thanks for this, just had a look, it's great! There are some really inspirational people out there.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,262
0
Southampton
thankyou DennyD, you have just motivated me into thinking about my knitting. got something on the go then got fed up with it and left it. got me thinking about it again
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
262
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
I think even if it's not going to be something, just the act of doing it and feeling the material has a positive effect on me. I believe the rest will follow . . . At some point.
 

Justmary

Registered User
Jul 12, 2018
111
0
West Midlands
Hello @Justmary, I think you're right, the situation we're all in with our PWD, whatever stage they are at, is infinitely harder to cope with because of the pandemic.
Shall we try and motivate each other?
OH will be watching the rugby this afternoon, so I'm going to sit and knit for half an hour on the never-ending cardigan's.
It will help if I know that you're in your part of the country, knitting and thinking of me in my part of the country and knitting 😀👍
Hello @Dimpsy - how lovely of you. I'm afraid I missed yesterday's rugby but I'll certainly be knitting today. Thank you. And you've prompted all these other arty ideas! We're in the Midlands but my husband is Scottish. He used to love watching the rugby, and I'd take advantage of the time to go off to the shopping center. Today I shall be happily knitting.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,874
0
@Dimpsy You have probably stopped knitting by now, but I'm in NZ and about to go out into the garden. Last year, before MH went into care, my niece and her husband visited and did some odd jobs for me. I asked my nephew to remove a branch from a tree. When I went out to check, he had also decided other shrubs in my garden needed the chop. I can't tell you how upset I still am as my beautiful flowering quince is all but gone and he cut a hebe back so hard right at the start of winter, that it died completely. So now I'm going outside to feed the japonica (flowering quince) in the hope it too won't die, although some of what's left is looking decidedly sick. I am still terribly upset by it all, which doesn't help under the circumstances.
Dear @Pusskins, it's lovely to hear from you, I will reply more.
I can hear OH moving around upstairs I'll go and sort things out
Hello @Dimpsy - how lovely of you. I'm afraid I missed yesterday's rugby but I'll certainly be knitting today. Thank you. And you've prompted all these other arty ideas! We're in the Midlands but my husband is Scottish. He used to love watching the rugby, and I'd take advantage of the time to go off to the shopping center. Today I shall be happily knitting.
Hello @Justmary, I spent an hour knitting yesterday, made a cup of tea and then another fifteen minutes and I was up the point of starting to decrease for the sleeve tops. I always knit both sleeves together so I know they'll be the same length - makes up the the wonky jumper's I've knotted in the past. Sending happy thoughts to you and everyone who's having a go and glad your knitting this afternoon.
More rugby, but it's only fair to OH as there's plenty of tennis to watch at the moment.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,874
0
@Dimpsy You have probably stopped knitting by now, but I'm in NZ and about to go out into the garden. Last year, before MH went into care, my niece and her husband visited and did some odd jobs for me. I asked my nephew to remove a branch from a tree. When I went out to check, he had also decided other shrubs in my garden needed the chop. I can't tell you how upset I still am as my beautiful flowering quince is all but gone and he cut a hebe back so hard right at the start of winter, that it died completely. So now I'm going outside to feed the japonica (flowering quince) in the hope it too won't die, although some of what's left is looking decidedly sick. I am still terribly upset by it all, which doesn't help under the circumstances.
Hello @Pusskins I understand your upset. A few years ago our youngest helped with wedding and tidying a border and cut a beautiful fatsia down to the ground. It came back, and, give it another five year's or so, should be back to how it was.
We have a flowering quince behind the greenhouse which flowers and fruits prolifically. I'm sure your green fingers and some TLC will bring it back from the brink.
Have you seen the thread on this forum where people post photos and talk about their gardens? I can't remember the thread title, but I'm sure you'd be interested.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,874
0
I've been trying to unravel some wool that I really like and want to use, even if it's just a scarf. But it's so knotted I fear I'll need to cut it. And one of my cats keeps it dragging around the house. There are other projects but can't decide which to start. Maybe the simplest one is best so I'll be motivated by a good result.

Thanks for this, just had a look, it's great! There are some really inspirational people out there.
From little acorns ............. keep up the good work.
Day two for me and knitting, I'd forgotten how repetitive and relaxing it is.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,874
0
For any of you who like to do some type of art work but maybe need a bit of a nudge :-
This started two weeks ago with the subject Animals. I looked out a Dragon that I made to go above the bar years ago for St. George’s Day when The Banjoman was a Club steward. It seemed a good excuse to resurrect it and put it up in my bedroom window.
The next subject is a portrait, which is proving rather more difficult as I am not good at drawing people. I have spent the last couple of days attempting a portrait from a photo, having looked out some of my art materials.
Why don’t you join me? The last I heard, my neighbour had a log she was going to put on her fire but decided it had the makings of a face so she was recycling bits and pieces to make something to put in her window.:p
It's a brilliant idea. I've always had at the back of my mind the idea of taking up water colour painting when I retire. I'm hopeless at art, frequently confirmed by the art teacher at school, but somewhere deep inside there is a desire to have a go.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
3,077
0
Dorset
I have done various evening classes etc. but need a reason to do any art work - making cards etc. or providing a friend’s building firm with a Christmas window display. Recently I have been watching YouTube videos on how to use different art materials. For the portrait I’m trying out pastels because the picture needs to be seen in my window from the road.
I can knit but don’t enjoy it. I used to leave that to my lovely M-I-L who kept the whole family in jumpers. I still wear ones she knitted me thirty years later!
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
320
0
New Zealand
Well here we are, 11 months down the track since MH went into care and I'm no further ahead. I went through a brief 'up' spell, but it's back to a decent downer again now. Lots of tears, so many regrets, feeling lonely but only want MH's company. No chance of that! In NZ, summer is approaching, so perhaps that will help. I really need to mix with people, but MH was a loner and we had no social life and I became used to that. Now I am wary about letting people into my life as there's nothing I hate more than somebody uninvited turning up on my doorstep. No easy answers it seems. Would love to be closer to MH but that doesn't look like it will happen either with the real estate market in NZ as crazy as.