Hi everyone, this is my first time posting so I hope I do this right. My mum is 68 and has a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. She is very mobile and active but her deterioration has been rapid over the last 5 years but especially the last year. 5 weeks ago we finally identified a care home for her. Prior to this she was living at home with her partner who works full time. There were daily safeguarding referrals with mum wandering the streets, approaching neighbours and passing cars, not always fully clothed. It was horrendous but there was no support available. Day centres would not accept her because she could not remember to socially distance and because her level of anxiety is very high and she would become distressed. We did pay for full time home carers but they were often unreliable and felt they could not meet her needs at home.
So we chose a care home that is well rated, is set up for dementia patients and who we felt confident could meet her needs. It very quickly became apparent they were not willing to keep her and stated that they could not meet her needs as she would not settle at night. She would wander shouting for her partner or sister, wandering into other residents' rooms etc and pushing staff/kicking the door when returned to her room in her anxiety and distress. They were not able to give her sleeping medication to help settle her as they were concerned she would wander sleepily and hurt herself. The home recommended she needed a nursing home who would be able to review and administer medication as she needs it to help calm her and reduce anxiety. So we searched local nursing homes and identified a place set up for dementia. We spoke at length with the manager about each of mum's behaviours and they relayed how they would manage them so we agreed for her to move there. This nursing home then delayed her entry so the existing home said they couldn't keep her and she had to return home. Needless to say it did not go well but she has now moved into the nursing home on Thursday.
Today we have had reports from the nursing home that they are struggling to manage her as she is anxiously searching for her partner, it takes several staff to get her dressed, she is becoming physically and verbally aggressive to others in her distress. They are speaking to the doctor to see if there's anything else they can do.
Social services are saying they are not willing to get involved as we are still paying privately at present though that won't be able to last much longer. When we have made it clear that there is nowhere else for her to go as we simply cannot keep her safe at home any more the response we get is that they do not provide emergency care and would take weeks to do an assessment so they cannot help.
Please can anyone advise where we can turn for support? Surely my mum is not the only person with these needs and behaviours? Have we got it wrong and not found the correct care setting? What do we do if the nursing home say she has to leave?
I should add we are a very small family. Her main carer was her partner who works full time. I also work full time and have 2 small children under 5.
Any help gratefully received.
So we chose a care home that is well rated, is set up for dementia patients and who we felt confident could meet her needs. It very quickly became apparent they were not willing to keep her and stated that they could not meet her needs as she would not settle at night. She would wander shouting for her partner or sister, wandering into other residents' rooms etc and pushing staff/kicking the door when returned to her room in her anxiety and distress. They were not able to give her sleeping medication to help settle her as they were concerned she would wander sleepily and hurt herself. The home recommended she needed a nursing home who would be able to review and administer medication as she needs it to help calm her and reduce anxiety. So we searched local nursing homes and identified a place set up for dementia. We spoke at length with the manager about each of mum's behaviours and they relayed how they would manage them so we agreed for her to move there. This nursing home then delayed her entry so the existing home said they couldn't keep her and she had to return home. Needless to say it did not go well but she has now moved into the nursing home on Thursday.
Today we have had reports from the nursing home that they are struggling to manage her as she is anxiously searching for her partner, it takes several staff to get her dressed, she is becoming physically and verbally aggressive to others in her distress. They are speaking to the doctor to see if there's anything else they can do.
Social services are saying they are not willing to get involved as we are still paying privately at present though that won't be able to last much longer. When we have made it clear that there is nowhere else for her to go as we simply cannot keep her safe at home any more the response we get is that they do not provide emergency care and would take weeks to do an assessment so they cannot help.
Please can anyone advise where we can turn for support? Surely my mum is not the only person with these needs and behaviours? Have we got it wrong and not found the correct care setting? What do we do if the nursing home say she has to leave?
I should add we are a very small family. Her main carer was her partner who works full time. I also work full time and have 2 small children under 5.
Any help gratefully received.