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LA help only available to critical

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
Have been looking after Dad for two years, he came to live with us at start of pandemic as was no way he’d cope. He’s been declining over that time but no diagnosis (see thread GP memory test useless)
Started down route with Social Work but it’s been made clear my LA (Fife) will only assist critical cases and I doubt Dad will be assessed as critical. I will apply for what financial assistance is available, Attendance/Carers but this doesn’t solve the problem.
Essentially I want my life back - I want my home and marital relationship back (we’ve only been together 10 years). I want to do my work again full time. To be able to go out without having to make sure Dad is ‘set up’, worrying if he’ll do something stupid or risky, again. Go on holiday. Watch tv without interruptions. And with my husband enjoying it with me, not going off to another room. Have privacy again. Not have the old man smells and nasty habits. Not to have umpteen appointments and ‘taxi’ runs to doctor’s, podiatrist, hospital, etc. Not be responsible.
My father was barely around (in the navy) when I was a kid and has always been emotionally distant. It’s been a sense of duty that’s kept me going so far not love. So I’m trying not to feel guilty.
If the LA will not fund a care home place for him as non-critical and he doesn’t have savings to pay what happens?
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
950
0
Hello @EllaH I think sadly you have hit the nail on the head of the issues of having a PWD move in with you. I was advised very strongly by a lady that lived near my dad and knew him and my late mother well not to take my dad into my home as she had done this with her mum. The lady had said her mum at the time she took her in was given 6 months to live so she took her into her home only for her mum to live another ten years. By the time her mum eventually passed her own husband was ill said they were unable to have their time back as a couple again as he was too ill to go out on holiday etc. My dad remained in his home with carers coming in 4 times a day plus sister and I supported dad with daily visits as both of us felt we could not take dad into our homes. My partner is quite a bit older than me was closer to my dads age and realistically there was no way I could look after both of them in my own home 24/7 as my partner has Parkinson's. My dad eventually went into a care home but only because the company that the LA paid with a contribution from my dads income effectively his pensions did not have much savings. They refused to continue his care for various reasons and gave the LA 28 days notice. My dad passed away 8 weeks after going into the care home for further assessment in January last year with advanced mixed dementia. The assessment process had to actually be postponed as he had to be admitted to hospital and then returned to the care home for palliative care. I am not sure what you can do other than blankly refuse to look after your dad and tell them that but I expect you will have to push hard as he is already living in your home. Your dad would also have to agree to go into a home which he may not want to do. My dad had always declined but with the notice we had dad had to go in us telling him was just a temporary arrangement but knowing he would probably never go home. I did/do feel guilty for not taking dad into my home but I could foresee what would happen and within days would have bitterly regretted taking that route the fact my sister also was not willing to have dad move in probably helped me to make that decision. We did support our dad for 5 years as much as we could and after he passed a neighbour of dads said he was so lucky to have had us and done a fantastic job. I can see how incredibly hard it must be for you and what a toll it must be taking going to see my dad when he was in his own home was still very hard work. I am pretty traumatised by the events and dads dementia and dad passed over a year ago. Yes do apply for financial help my dad did get AA alowance which helped towards his carer bill/ready meals. I am actually in the process of applying for carer allowance myself for my partner as he has received the AA allowance for over 5 years his care needs have obviously progressed and I would say I am a fully fledged carer for him now. I am sorry I cannot be of more help but maybe someone can advise you further as to what else you can do.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
Have been looking after Dad for two years, he came to live with us at start of pandemic as was no way he’d cope. He’s been declining over that time but no diagnosis (see thread GP memory test useless)
Started down route with Social Work but it’s been made clear my LA (Fife) will only assist critical cases and I doubt Dad will be assessed as critical. I will apply for what financial assistance is available, Attendance/Carers but this doesn’t solve the problem.
Essentially I want my life back - I want my home and marital relationship back (we’ve only been together 10 years). I want to do my work again full time. To be able to go out without having to make sure Dad is ‘set up’, worrying if he’ll do something stupid or risky, again. Go on holiday. Watch tv without interruptions. And with my husband enjoying it with me, not going off to another room. Have privacy again. Not have the old man smells and nasty habits. Not to have umpteen appointments and ‘taxi’ runs to doctor’s, podiatrist, hospital, etc. Not be responsible.
My father was barely around (in the navy) when I was a kid and has always been emotionally distant. It’s been a sense of duty that’s kept me going so far not love. So I’m trying not to feel guilty.
If the LA will not fund a care home place for him as non-critical and he doesn’t have savings to pay what happens?
I can see a couple of questions here.
Will the local authority assist with a care home place?
They will assist if you refuse to have Dad living with you. This will be quite a challenge to pull off. Does your DAd still have the home where he was living before that he can go back to? You are not legally obliged to look after him.
Second question, if he doesnt have savings to pay for care, what happens?
That is easier to answer- they will do a financial assessment and he will get funding from the Local Authority.
You are not legally oblige ed to pay.
The third issue is around benefits you may be entitled to. I suggest you get all the advice you can from social services and the alzhiemers helpline before applying for anything because the situation may be different if your Dad can get a care home place.
 

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
I can see a couple of questions here.
Will the local authority assist with a care home place?
They will assist if you refuse to have Dad living with you. This will be quite a challenge to pull off. Does your DAd still have the home where he was living before that he can go back to? You are not legally obliged to look after him.
Second question, if he doesnt have savings to pay for care, what happens?
That is easier to answer- they will do a financial assessment and he will get funding from the Local Authority.
You are not legally oblige ed to pay.
The third issue is around benefits you may be entitled to. I suggest you get all the advice you can from social services and the alzhiemers helpline before applying for anything because the situation may be different if your Dad can get a care home place.
Fife LA have stated that they will assist only critical cases. We are several months away from an assessment even being done and going by the criteria I’ve seen Dad isn’t going to be deemed critical even though he cannot realistically manage on his own. It’s a nightmare.
 

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
I can see a couple of questions here.
Will the local authority assist with a care home place?
They will assist if you refuse to have Dad living with you. This will be quite a challenge to pull off. Does your DAd still have the home where he was living before that he can go back to? You are not legally obliged to look after him.
Second question, if he doesnt have savings to pay for care, what happens?
That is easier to answer- they will do a financial assessment and he will get funding from the Local Authority.
You are not legally oblige ed to pay.
The third issue is around benefits you may be entitled to. I suggest you get all the advice you can from social services and the alzhiemers helpline before applying for anything because the situation may be different if your Dad can get a care home place.
And no he cannot go back to the housing assoc flat he was in two years ago. I’d only end up running back and forwards all the time anyway, it wouldn’t be any less time consuming or stressful.
 

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
Hello @EllaH I think sadly you have hit the nail on the head of the issues of having a PWD move in with you. I was advised very strongly by a lady that lived near my dad and knew him and my late mother well not to take my dad into my home as she had done this with her mum. The lady had said her mum at the time she took her in was given 6 months to live so she took her into her home only for her mum to live another ten years. By the time her mum eventually passed her own husband was ill said they were unable to have their time back as a couple again as he was too ill to go out on holiday etc. My dad remained in his home with carers coming in 4 times a day plus sister and I supported dad with daily visits as both of us felt we could not take dad into our homes. My partner is quite a bit older than me was closer to my dads age and realistically there was no way I could look after both of them in my own home 24/7 as my partner has Parkinson's. My dad eventually went into a care home but only because the company that the LA paid with a contribution from my dads income effectively his pensions did not have much savings. They refused to continue his care for various reasons and gave the LA 28 days notice. My dad passed away 8 weeks after going into the care home for further assessment in January last year with advanced mixed dementia. The assessment process had to actually be postponed as he had to be admitted to hospital and then returned to the care home for palliative care. I am not sure what you can do other than blankly refuse to look after your dad and tell them that but I expect you will have to push hard as he is already living in your home. Your dad would also have to agree to go into a home which he may not want to do. My dad had always declined but with the notice we had dad had to go in us telling him was just a temporary arrangement but knowing he would probably never go home. I did/do feel guilty for not taking dad into my home but I could foresee what would happen and within days would have bitterly regretted taking that route the fact my sister also was not willing to have dad move in probably helped me to make that decision. We did support our dad for 5 years as much as we could and after he passed a neighbour of dads said he was so lucky to have had us and done a fantastic job. I can see how incredibly hard it must be for you and what a toll it must be taking going to see my dad when he was in his own home was still very hard work. I am pretty traumatised by the events and dads dementia and dad passed over a year ago. Yes do apply for financial help my dad did get AA alowance which helped towards his carer bill/ready meals. I am actually in the process of applying for carer allowance myself for my partner as he has received the AA allowance for over 5 years his care needs have obviously progressed and I would say I am a fully fledged carer for him now. I am sorry I cannot be of more help but maybe someone can advise you further as to what else you can do.
I think the route we’d have taken would have been different if not for CoVid. with Hindsight it was probably a mistake but one we were forced to. thanks for your reply, especially as you’re not having an easy time your self.
 

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
I can see a couple of questions here.
Will the local authority assist with a care home place?
They will assist if you refuse to have Dad living with you. This will be quite a challenge to pull off. Does your DAd still have the home where he was living before that he can go back to? You are not legally obliged to look after him.
Second question, if he doesnt have savings to pay for care, what happens?
That is easier to answer- they will do a financial assessment and he will get funding from the Local Authority.
You are not legally oblige ed to pay.
The third issue is around benefits you may be entitled to. I suggest you get all the advice you can from social services and the alzhiemers helpline before applying for anything because the situation may be different if your Dad can get a care home place.
im afraid Fife social services have been of little use, a very long wait for an assessment and the only other advice being to contact the Carers Centre - who have been great suggesting a day centre and helping with form for attendance allowance which I knew nothing about. I’ve been telling the GP for two years about Dad and am appalled that they don’t even provide basic information on who to get in touch with or get advice from. Useless. So much for joined up services.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,744
0
I can't speak for Fife, but generally, certainly in England, social services won't place someone in a care home just on your say so. They will want to see care in the home ie carers visits failing first before they consider other options . I would accept the needs assessment that is being offered and also the day centre. I appreciate this is a long wait. You need to explain to socal services exactly what you want help with, ie, sitting services, personal care, meal preparation etc . If they offer something, then accept it . If dad is not self-funding, then you will have to play by social services rules. Do you have power of attorney? Not sure how it works in Scotland . Others will be along soon with better advice
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
I can't speak for Fife, but generally, certainly in England, social services won't place someone in a care home just on your say so. They will want to see care in the home ie carers visits failing first before they consider other options . I would accept the needs assessment that is being offered and also the day centre. I appreciate this is a long wait. You need to explain to socal services exactly what you want help with, ie, sitting services, personal care, meal preparation etc . If they offer something, then accept it . If dad is not self-funding, then you will have to play by social services rules. Do you have power of attorney? Not sure how it works in Scotland . Others will be along soon with better advice
I totally agree with this. However you are absolutely not legally obliged to provide care or a place in your home for your Dad. You write "I’d only end up running back and forwards all the time anyway".
These sorts of situations can go on for years. When I realised I could be in the positi on I was in for the rest of my life because Mum could outlive me, that was he day I set my boundaries.
What does your Dad want to do? Does he want to stay with you?
i also found that the more I did, the more I was expected to do.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
4,139
0
Dorset
Once your father is out of your house and back living and not coping by himself he will probably quickly become a “critical “ case. The LA should then put in a carers package to support him.
All the while he resides with you nothing will be done by them. You do not have to look after him.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,843
0
South coast
Although legally you are not responsible for his care and SS is, in practise this is very difficult to put into practise, especially if they are living with you as SS will just assume that you will be his carer. All the while your dad is being looked after and kept safe SS will not be interested., irrespective of what it is costing you (and I dont mean financially).

Eventually there is likely to be a crisis - he may start wandering out of the house and getting lost, or he may end up in hospital. Both of these things will trigger the "critical" alert. If he ends up in hospital you can refuse to have him back
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
199
0
North East England UK
Although legally you are not responsible for his care and SS is, in practise this is very difficult to put into practise, especially if they are living with you as SS will just assume that you will be his carer. All the while your dad is being looked after and kept safe SS will not be interested., irrespective of what it is costing you (and I dont mean financially).

Eventually there is likely to be a crisis - he may start wandering out of the house and getting lost, or he may end up in hospital. Both of these things will trigger the "critical" alert. If he ends up in hospital you can refuse to have him back
Absolutely spot on. I wonder if your Dad would agree to sheltered housing, assuming he no longer has that housing association flat? Fife has a housing register and specifically housing for older people
You would not need involvement from social services for that. In my experience there is not a very high level of demand for housing for older people but your dad would have to agree to it.
You write "its a nightmare". We know all to well that this sort of situation can indeed be a nightmare, but you DO have a choice.
 

EllaH

Registered User
Mar 5, 2022
12
0
Absolutely spot on. I wonder if your Dad would agree to sheltered housing, assuming he no longer has that housing association flat? Fife has a housing register and specifically housing for older people
You would not need involvement from social services for that. In my experience there is not a very high level of demand for housing for older people but your dad would have to agree to it.
You write "its a nightmare". We know all to well that this sort of situation can indeed be a nightmare, but you DO have a choice.
Thanks Mydar…..I understand what you and others are saying. I know if Dad goes back to living on his own without a care package in place, he will make himself ill, given his appalling food hygiene. Or have a fall. Or not take his meds properly and become unwell that way. Yes, one way or another, within a year, likely a few months, as you say he would be in hospital or otherwise become the responsibility of the care system. But I’m afraid I’m not ruthless enough to let that happen. Yet.