Knew it was the right thing to do but

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by bel, Nov 17, 2006.

  1. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    told visiting psycoligist in front of hubby how his agression and frustration is getting worse felt awful saying it in front of hubby i never want to put him down but i can not cope when he gets nasty he forgets it in 5 mins i take a lot longer for me to come down she is going to speak to consultant for me

    hate the word but we all feel guilty
    sorry for moaning
    love Bel x
     
  2. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Bel
    When mum was in respite she became very violent towards the staff and district nurse and even the out of hours gp......she was visited twice by the cpn while she was in there but since she's got home she's a little better but not much.
    i have the cpn visiting again next week and yes I will have to discuss her aggression in front of her.....kind of makes you feel disloyal....but for everyones sake it has to be done
    love xx
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    You did the right thing Bel. Your husband cannot help himself, so you are telling the psycologist FOR him in order to help him and make life less unbearable for you.
     
  4. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    doing the right thing

    thanks all
    i know it was the right thing to do she is seeing consultant for us maybe see him earliier whether medication can help to calm him but i still feel so disloyal
    i feel i should be stronger and more able to cope
    in a lot of ways its like having an adult child
    i delt with problems with our children years ago cos they could not help it but now i am asking for help yo calm my hubby to me it feels somthing is laking in me
    37 years i should know how to deal with him without medication
    i feel like the big oger he never wanted to be zonked i know he will not be zonked but i am agreeing he needs medication ----thanks all
    love Bel xxx
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Bel,
    Far from there being anything lacking in you, you are showing great strength. Knowing when we have reached our limits, acknowledging when we need help - that takes courage. This is not about loyalty; this is about getting medication that will help your husband to feel less wound up, and so will improve the quality of life for you both.
    Love Helen
     
  6. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Bel
    i feel exactly the same as you........At times I feel as if I am failing and beat myself up for it......I know its wrong but I still do it:confused:
    Yes it is like having a child again....temper tantrums, lashing out,moodiness.....but with a child you know there will come a time when you can reason with them(I had to stop taking my youngest to a toddler group because if another child looked at him he'd smash them in the mouth:eek: .....but it passed.....he's lovely now!!!)
    you're at that dreaded phase that I'm at now ......you know the time is coming for change....and it seems such a hurdle........but you'll get there Bel........these things make us stronger in the long run........(I hope!!!!:) )
    Keep smiling
    Love and hugs xx
     
  7. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    many thanks amy -mel

    i can not beleive Amy how i hard i found it to open up on tp still strugling but it does help so much cos no one understands more than some one coping with dementia
    mel thank you for your in put i am sorry in one way you understand but it is good to hear some one else understands
    I know the dreaded day is comming when ---hubby i think realises it but we dont talk about it he has never wanted to discuss dementia much and i appreciate that
    but it is so hard to make him feel like he is ok which is what he wants i had to stop his driving months ago it hurt him badley i am realising more and more i am loosing my bossy boots -nick name and i have an adult child to care for
    how do you deal after 37 years with the one you love trying to treat them as ok when they are not
    sorry feeling sorry for myself i know i must make the move to the next stage but dont want to as every stage gets worse
    Thanks all sorry to be such a pain
    .love Bel xx
     
  8. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Bel, whenever I had to discuss Lionel's condition in front of him (it has to be that way sometimes) I used to:

    Make sure I was sitting very close to him so as to hold his hand, would look him straight in the face and say "I am sorry darling but I have to talk about you - not to you"

    The fact that I was looking at him, and stroking his hand, seemed to help somehow. (Not sure who it helped most, him or me)
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Bel, you are not a pain. You are finding it hard. You can`t discuss it with your husband, as you used to, so you discuss it on TP.
    It`s so lonely, having to make all the decisions by yourself, when you once shared them and talked about them.
    You sound as low as I was yesterday. It passed for me and I hope it passes for you.
    Love Sylvia
     
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi bel
    no you're not a pain.....its so hard for you and thats what we're all here for .......to offer support and to accept support too. i think its harder for you lovely people who care for your partners/spouses........in a way we daughters /sons slowly learn to accept the inevitable where our parents are concerned......but i often say to myself"but please ...not this way".......

    Sylvia......I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today:)

    love xx
     

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