1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Kevinl, that was a week to remember

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kevinl, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    I cannot imagine how it must have felt to go through all you describe but know it must have been heartbreaking and a huge mix of emotions.

    I hope you and the children can support each other and, as others have said, there will always be support offered here, as you have always so freely offered it in the past.

    Take care of yourself and please keep posting if it helps.
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,034
    Female
    Chester
    Kevin - you've always written eloquently and helpfully when you post.

    Hope you enjoy your duvet day, you deserve it, your body will need a rest after all those years of caring - and then you'll sort out how to do your best for your wife, whereever she is, maybe back home sometime.

    It takes time when the rug is pulled from under you by the vagaries of life to get back on an even keel. For me when I realised my mum had dementia with hindsight that happened and all the overwhelming things to deal with.

    I've had a few other life events that were game changers. It takes time (for me anyway) to come to terms with change even when it's positive changes - a sort of grief for what won't be happening now, so even though it was such a struggle to look after your wife at home, you are missing the day to day familiarity of it.

    Well done for knowing when you had reached the limit and having the courage to call for help.

    Lots of hugs and positive thoughts winging their way to you.
     
  3. Bay

    Bay Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    44
    Kent
    I can only agree with everyone else who has posted. Sending best wishes to you both.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Joining hands with everyone else to send you the best possible wishes for your both xxx
     
  5. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    I'm so sorry Kevin. My dad was taken from the house by the paramedics and a police escort, but it wasn't as traumatic as your experience sounds. I hope the assessment unit can help.

    Sometimes just writing it all down helps to stop it from going round and round in your head.
     
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,747
    Yorkshire
    Hello Kevini
    I'm glad that writing your post helped you feel better
    You have written so many kind and thoughtful posts to others
    I hope your wife settles and has all the support she requires
    Take good care of yourself
    Very best wishes to all your family
     
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    So sorry Kevin. Please look after yourself. If the thought of telling your children is too hard perhaps phone the alzheimers helpline and explain to them what happened. Saying the words to someone not involved can make it easier.

    Don't be afraid to be upset. You have had to be strong through all of this. I wish I could be there to just listen. Keep posting and we will all listen.
    X
    Quilty
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,755
    Female
    Scotland
    Kevin I think your post will be important to a lot of people who do not understand how bad it can get. Too much is asked of carers at times and you have described this big time.
     
  9. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    Am sorry to read of your situation:( and hope things improve very soon and that as you take things steady and recover from the shock that you can benefit from respite whilst your wife is cared for by others. Sending you strength and very best wishes.
    Sue:)
     
  10. Beret

    Beret Registered User

    Sep 14, 2013
    14
    Merseyside
    So sorry this happened to you Kevinl. Something similar happened to me when my wife was home. She attacked me and ran out of the house down the road. I had to phone 999 and give chase before she got to the dual carriageway. She was in her early 50's and could certainly run! I managed to get her home and she'd calmed by the time the blue lights arrived and was calm when sectioned, so not as bad as your experience. My wife has been in care for 6 years now and is well looked after. Keep strong and take all the positives you can from the situation - ie you are all safe. Hopefully her care will be managed and your well being is being looked after too.
     
  11. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,930
    London
    Kevin, am so very sorry that your lovely wife is in a very dark place at the moment, and wishing you strength to get through this, hope that you can manage to rest whilst she is being looked after.
    Take care and sending a gentle hug
    Chris
     
  12. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    Dear Kevin ,
    I have no experience of this sort of incident but my husband did undergo a huge downturn very quickly. I too had given up work early to become his full time carer and I feel absolutely cast adrift now this responsibility is gone.
    I hope you can get this resolved and that things calm down for you and your wife.
    Tre
     
  13. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    #33 Essie, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
    Oh Kevinl what a dreadful, dreadful thing to go through, sending warmest wishes to both you and your poor wife. Do try and get some proper rest, some fresh air, if it isn't too cold where you are, and be kind to yourself, no pressure to 'perform', just take the days as they come, there is no right or wrong way to feel, emotions will come and go and that can be exhausting.

    Thinking of you.
     
  14. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    So sorry to hear how things have gone, hope they can help your wife with some form of medication and as others have said take the time to recover a bit yourself. We all know things can change on a daily, even hourly basis with dementia. Will be thinking of you and your family take care xx

    Ange
     
  15. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    806
    I can't begin to imagine how bad this must have been,you must be traumatised.I do hope they can do something to ease your wife's torment.Take great care of yourself
     
  16. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    So sorry to hear of such a traumatic experience for both of you Kevin- but glad you were able to get help. Hopefully, now, the doctors can do a full assessment of your wife's needs, and find something to help her. My husband used to suffer horrific paranoid delusions & hallucinations, but when, finally, the right medication was found for him, it gave him back a quality of life I thought we both had lost for good. In fact, a long time later, he asked me one day "What ever happened to those men who used to live here? Haven't heard anything from them in a long time." - he was referring to the people he used to hallucinate, who were evil creatures who tormented him 24 hours a day! So I hope the doctors can find something that will give your wife some peace, and a better quality of life.
     
  17. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    140
    Salford, Lancashire
    So sorry this has happened. Sounds like your wife is in the best place to help her at this time, hope you're managing to take care of yourself.

    Sally
     
  18. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    537
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    Kevinl, I am so sorry to read about your traumatic day. You have been so kind to me in the past offering advice, and now I can't think of anything to say to help you, apart from telling you that my thoughts are with you. When you feel able to, please do let us know how you are. Thinking of you. xx
     
  19. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    290
    London
    You must be exhausted. I hope you can get some rest Kevini. Take care and keep posting
     
  20. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,478
    London
    Kevini so sorry to hear this it is so traumatic for you please be kind to yourself your wife is safe and being well looked after now is the time for you to recharge your batteries.
    I had a very similar experience with my OH he was diagnosed 10 years ago and you should be proud of yourself for looking after your wife for such a long time x
     

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