Kevinl, that was a week to remember

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kevinl, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    So last week everything was as normal as it gets in the wonderful world of AZ, then it all just went A over T, big time and it started off such an average day.
    To paint the picture my wife was diagnosed mid 50's (now 62) so we got along OK for some time I gave up going to work 18 months ago and worked from home until June when I was made redundant. In the early part of my wife's illness my (now late) mother lived with us she too had some form of dementia but only after she died did it become apparent that it wasn't my wife who'd been caring for my mother it was as much my Mum had been looking after my wife.
    In the past couple of weeks my wife has had some sudden outbursts of anger, usually just 10 or 15 minutes then she'd calm down and it all got forgotten, until last weekend, she went off on one that lasted for 6 hours before I decided it was time to call someone: doctors, no out of hours number either call 111 or 999 end of message, I googled some numbers for mental health and social services and either they're phone helplines or because we're no an existing case they can't help us.
    Eventually I dialled 111 and after explaining the situation to an increasingly concerned operator who given the noise in the background and fears for my safety decided they best thing was paramedics, but with the police in attendance.
    So cut to an hour later 2 police women, 2 policemen and 2 paramedics in the kitchen with my wife, her calling them every name under the sun, eventually as the paramedics declined to have her in the ambulance the police "put" her in the cage in the back of the police van.
    At A&E after to injections that did nothing we threw a mattress on the floor an me, 4 nurses, one doctor and 2 police wrestled her to the ground, got a cannula in her the back of her hand and they gave her something that really did the trick.
    Not surprisingly she's now been sectioned, moved to a secure psycharitic unit and was describe to me today as "one of our more challenging patients" by one of the nurses.
    I turned 60 last November, I left school and went to work at 16 so for the first time in 44 years I have absolutely no reason to get up on a Monday morning.
    Thank you to those who've commented on another thread and those who've pm'ed me, life will go on it always does, I just have to break it to our children who have no real idea how bad it has gone and how quickly.
    Thank you anyone who's read it all I feel better for writing it.
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Kevin, how awful for your wife, and for you to have to witness and be part of her being subdued like that. I am so sorry. I do hope that they can restore her somehow to how she was before this dreadful downturn.
    You must feel bereft. I am so very sorry.
  3. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    #3 tigerlady, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
    I am so sorry that you have had to go through that awful experience. Many of us in this forum have had loved ones who have been sectioned, but I doubt anyone has been through such a trauma. I do hope they can find the right medication for her to make her calmer. What a worry for you. I am so sorry and hope you get the rest you need to keep strong xxx
  4. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Awful, awful time for you and Mrs K, Kevin. I don't know what to say other than to rest when you can....and to send you a massive (((hug))). It's typical of you to be thinking of your children, when you've just been through such an experience.

    Thinking of you x

    Lindy xx
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Oh Kevin. I am so sorry. So traumatic for all of you. But you did the right thing: she's much more likely to get the help you both need in this environment. But my sympathy to you and everyone.
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Kevin I'm so terribly sorry to read of what has happened. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you. I'm glad you have shared this on TP and hope that it has helped in some little way. You know there will always be people here to listen. Wishing you and your family strength and your wife some respite from her turmoil.
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Kevin, I'm really sorry to hear this. It brought back all the memories of the first time my mother was sectioned.
  8. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    Kevin I am so sorry you both had to go through this. I hope a way can be found to give your wife some peace.
    I've always admired your compassion for your wife and I can understand how writing it all down can be a release of emotions.
    Take that time to recover, to talk to your children and I hope your wife can be isn't over yet that's for sure.
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    #9 Saffie, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
    Such a traumatic and tragic situation. I am so sorry for both you and your wife. I do hope appropriate medication can ease things for your wife and give you some peace of mind.
    I hope your family will support you both now that they can see the full extent of their mother's illness.
    Your caring will continue though in a different way but take this time to recoup your strength. You must be feeling so battered and bruised.
  10. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Oh Kevin that must have been so traumatic. Thinking of you both.
  11. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    OH Kevini, how awful for you and oh your poor wife. You did an amazing job with the professionals getting her to a safe place in the end. Hopefully they can find some medication to give your wife some peace.

    Actually, not so much 'no reason to get up', but every reason to give yourself a duvet day today. You need to give yourself some tlc to recover from the shock and distress of last night before anything else. Your wife is safe and secure for the moment, so time to concentrate on you. Long hot soak in the bath, breakfast in bed, favourite music/tv that sort of thing. Give yourself some R and R.

    Hoping things will improve for you both....
  12. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    I can't begin to imagine going through that, Kevini. So sorry. Our thoughts are with you.
  13. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    How awful Kevin, thinking of you both.
  14. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Oh Kevin, that must have been terrible for you and your wife, I'm so sorry. Be really kind to yourself, you've had a terrible shock. Please keep chatting with us here xxx
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Torment for both of you Kevin.

    Please don`t give up on yourself. There is always a reason to get up and if you give yourself time you will find it.
  16. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    #16 LYN T, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
    What a horrible and traumatic situation for both of you-I'm so sorry.

    As the spouse of someone who was sectioned on more than one occasion all I can say is don't give up hope. Pete had to be 'forcibly' restrained -unlike you with your wife I wasn't there with Pete, so I can only imagine the heartbreak that you must have felt.

    Please don't give up hope; Pete always left a section in a calmer frame of mind. I hope that is the outcome for you and Mrs K.

    In the meantime do what helps you get over what you have witnessed.

    Thinking of you both

    Lyn T XX
  17. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    Kevin, I am so very sorry to read of the sudden downward turn in this disease which has led to such trauma for you and your lovely wife.

    I can't begin to imagine the mixed emotions that you must be dealing with after what you had to be a part of and witness.

    Your wife is safe and currently in the best possible place to be assessed and helped by the professionals. You must be feeling very lost and I know it is going to be a difficult situation bringing the family up to scratch.

    In some ways this is an opportunity for you to recharge your batteries as well as have time to think about what you and your wife need by way of support going forward so that you are clear in your head when discussing these matters with the powers that be.

    Please remember that there is a lot of support for you here among friends too whenever you need to get things off your chest or seek opinions. You have always been so helpful in contributing support to others on the forum and in turn you have much love and support going out to you from here.

  18. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    Oh, Kevini, what a dreadful time you have had - I am so sorry.

    I do hope your wife's meds can be sorted out, so that whether she is ever able to come home or not, at least she will not be in a state of anger and distress.

    Do please take care of yourself - you have been through so much.
  19. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    That must have been a truly dreadful experience for you and your wife Kevin. Another horrible example of what this awful disease is able to do to those we love. I do hope the medics find a way to help her move past this.

    I'm sure you are aware of the importance of looking after yourself, particularly now.

    Thinking of you.
  20. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    What an awful and terrible time for both of you and so extremely sad . Hoping they are able to treat your lovely wife so she can be home with you again . Thinking of you x

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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