• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

keeping my mind safe

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
My husband has been newly diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia and we are still awaiting due to Covid 19 shutting everything down in neuro sciences ideas of how to care and improve life for him/us.
I find when he either doesn't store a piece of information regarding danger or when he forgets this information I am always left feeling 'bad'.
Does anyone have any advice of how I can approach this within myself please?
Feeling bad isn't helpful to me or him.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,646
N Ireland
Hello @Star of the Orient.

There really isn't any reason to feel bad as dealing with dementia is a very steep learning curve and I'm sure no one gets it right every time.

With my wife I just assume that nothing new will be remembered as the ability to make new memory has gone, as is often the case. If a persons dementia impacts the recent memory part of the brain the issue is that things can't be remembered, not that they are forgotten as such.

I wonder if you would get any ideas from the extensive publications list attached to the site. You can check it out by clicking the following link
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,645
South coast
Im afraid its really common for people with dementia to blame their carer for everything that goes wrong. Its no good arguing with them either, because they know it wasnt them! The best thing is to just let it wash over you and try not to react. Distraction works quite well
 

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
Im afraid its really common for people with dementia to blame their carer for everything that goes wrong. Its no good arguing with them either, because they know it wasnt them! The best thing is to just let it wash over you and try not to react. Distraction works quite well


Thank you. I will try and it is very supportive to hear this is common. There are times when I think I am going mad.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
684
Hello @Star of the Orient. It is good that you are thinking how to keep your own mind safe. We need to summon up huge reserves of patience when looking after someone with dementia. When I was looking after my mum, I used to think of it as changing into a lower gear, doing everything more slowly, and repeating things a lot. If things got really frustrating or fraught, I would ask myself "ok, has anything really bad happened?" Usually the answer was no and, even if it wasn't, it made me stand back and take a breath, then deal with it. This is not easy stuff, so be patient with yourself as well! Keep posting and let us know how things are going.
 

Star of the Orient

Registered User
May 20, 2020
33
Hello @Star of the Orient. It is good that you are thinking how to keep your own mind safe. We need to summon up huge reserves of patience when looking after someone with dementia. When I was looking after my mum, I used to think of it as changing into a lower gear, doing everything more slowly, and repeating things a lot. If things got really frustrating or fraught, I would ask myself "ok, has anything really bad happened?" Usually the answer was no and, even if it wasn't, it made me stand back and take a breath, then deal with it. This is not easy stuff, so be patient with yourself as well! Keep posting and let us know how things are going.
Yes, I need to slow down. Really bad things do happen and I get a fright. If I sound alarmed he gets aggressive even though he then recognises the danger. He doesn't like me showing any emotion other than praise for him. I am human. I am working at simplifying life and minimalizing his opportunity to cause mayhem to our life.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,945
Kent

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
838
Kent
Hi @Star of the Orient

:confused:
My wife had FTD (diagnosed in Jan 2014) and for her, she started loosing much of her self awareness and cognitive abilities quite early on. Any deterioration seemed to go in spurts, then longer periods of slower decline.

I found that as these various stages happened, I tried to keep things as light-hearted as possible (certainly not easy or indeed, always possible). I took heed of the advice on TP to avoid confrontation and luckily, she seemed to retreat into her own happy little world.

There were still many times though, where she'd cause problems and yes, I wasn't always able to smile and keep going. Something I often now reflect on with sadness, having lost her to this awful disease in January (lock-down has given me too much time to dwell:confused:).

Hopefully, like I did, you will be surprised at just how strong you can be, when each "challenge" presents itself. So good luck on your journey - the lovely folk here will be with you all the way.

Best wishes
Phil