Hi
@Skitty
This must be so difficult for your poor Dad. it will be as hard for him relinquishing responsibility for your Mum's care as your Mum's confusion at him not being there for her. He is compensating by visiting her so frequently. As
@Bunpoots has already said, his frequent visits will not help your Mum to settle and gain trust in the CH staff.
With hindsight, I know that I over visited when Mum first went into her CH. The tell tale signs were that Mum continued to ask me to do things for her, or would wait until I arrived to do things.It was most weird as she could not remember my visits and thought I never went to see her, but somehow she expected me to be there. Initially, this held her back in terms of building relationships with staff, until I settled down, realised that conversely I was not helping her, and eased up a little on the visits. My Eureka moment was when I was unwell and frantic that I was unable to visit her. I realised then that she was expecting and relying upon my visits and it was unkind and unrealistic to let her have this expectation, when there were times (like illness and holidays ) when I simply could not be there. I could not explain this to her or reason with her, so I had to 'mix it up' a bit and miss the odd visit, only pop in for half and hour ... etc She found it a bit upsetting at first, but thankfully got more involved with the communal activities and I relaxed a bit.
As for feeding, my Mum now needs feeding at most meals - she may have to wait a few minutes before a Carer is free and she gets her food, but she never gets forgotten. I prefer this to taking on the responsibility myself for some meals, for similar reasons to the visiting scenario. If the Carers thought I was taking responsibility for feeding Mum, she would be 'off their radar' at meal times. If at any time I could not be there, by the time that had registered, she may have been forgotten until much later during the meal. However, if they know it is a Carer's responsibility to feed her at
every meal, it will be the status quo and a Carer will be ready to help her each and every time, as it will be built into her Care Plan.
Settling in is so difficult - I hope that you can persuade your Dad to ease off a little and that your Mum builds some relationships with staff and other residents.
X