keep losing my temper and i feel so guilty

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Had e really bad start to the day got her dressed i came downstairs started to make breakfast gone back upstairs to find her taking her clothes back off, i am sorry but i just lost it , mornings are terrible i am afraid i am turning into a bad person and i cannot see the way ahead now.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,761
0
71
Dundee
Aw you’re not a bad person at all @Bill mac. I’m sure most members (including myself) have felt as you do. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Do you have any help from professional carers? If not now might be the time to consider that.
 

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Aw you’re not a bad person at all @Bill mac. I’m sure most members (including myself) have felt as you do. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Do you have any help from professional carers? If not now might be the time to consider that.
No help at this time , will have to look into that, i just feel for the five minutes it take for me to get her dressed in the morning i should be able to manage that, i really need to slow down instead of trying to get her dressed make breakfast ,put washing m/c on at the same time, always doing too many things no wonder i get mad .
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,215
0
Yorkshire
Hi @Bill mac
Yes there are too many things to do ... which is why it's so helpful to have some support ... someone could help your wife get up, dress etc while you take some time for yourself to be more relaxed ... you both deserve some support

Contact your Local Authority Adult Services to arrange an assessment of her care needs, and a carers assessment for you ... home care visits will take over some tasks
 

Carmenjane

Registered User
Mar 17, 2022
73
0
Another one to say I have done the same. I have shouted at my OH "just leave me alone for five ****minutes. I still feel guilty about it but now he is in a care home and he doesn't remember me being so mean - and now I'm not. This is the time for you to get some help, the end of your tether is in sight ...
 

soguilty

Registered User
Aug 27, 2018
20
0
Had e really bad start to the day got her dressed i came downstairs started to make breakfast gone back upstairs to find her taking her clothes back off, i am sorry but i just lost it , mornings are terrible i am afraid i am turning into a bad person and i cannot see the way ahead now.
You are absolutely not a bad person. Absolutely not. You are a caring person who is up against it and being pushed to your limits with no respite. You are only human. I hope you manage to get help as soon as possible.
 

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Hi all my wife is going to a day care centre next Tuesday for a day , went to look round yesterday really impressed ,everything being ok she will be going every Tuesday to give me a break , felt a bit guilty never thought i would take my wife to a day care centre but the manager put my mind at rest and i think i will be good for Dorothy to mix with a group fingers crossed.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,505
0
68
Toronto, Canada
@Bill mac I'm glad your wife will be going to the day centre once a week. The change will be good for you. As for you losing your temper, that happens to all of us.

But is it really essential that you do the morning routine in the same order? Perhaps first get your wife dressed and bring her downstairs to make breakfast "together". Or let her have breakfast in her nightie. We are so accustomed to doing things in a certain order because of our working lives. Makes me think of the lyrics "Got up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head". Perhaps it might be easier to switch things around.
 

mickeyplum

Registered User
Feb 22, 2018
212
0
Mornings can be so hard with so much to do. I'm 88, my husband is 94.
I try and do some stuff the night before -
I put the muesli and fruit in 2 bowls with milk and leave them overnight in the fridge. Ok the banana can look a bit off colour and soggy the next day but the milk has a lovely banana flavour, and saves so much time, chopping or peeling fruit.
I put a pile of tissues next to his place at the table ( for some reason his nose always runs at breakfast time) and the little waste bin next to his dining chair for him to throw used tissues in ( or miss the bin, as sometimes happens)
I put his biro next to his place-mat ready for him to 'attempt' the easy crossword in the daily paper

When he's showered and dressed I make him sit on his bed till I've got myself ready and tidied the bathroom etc. Then I stand at the bottom of the stairs and watch him safely down.

We'd have to be saints never to get angry. Sometimes when I've got mad at him I say afterwards - I'm sorry for shouting. He looks puzzled and says he didn't know I had. So he forgets instantly.
We carer's aren't saints, but we are not that far off, so give yourself a pat on the back
 

catsmomzie

New member
Dec 3, 2019
9
0
Hello to Bill Mac Hope I have the right thread as it is the first time I have posted. Please do not be too hard on yourself for losing your temper. I have the same problem with my husband and we are all only human. I tend to just try and make myself walk away but I know that is not always possible.
 

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Hello to Bill Mac Hope I have the right thread as it is the first time I have posted. Please do not be too hard on yourself for losing your temper. I have the same problem with my husband and we are all only human. I tend to just try and make myself walk away but I know that is not always possible.
Thank you
 

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Mornings can be so hard with so much to do. I'm 88, my husband is 94.
I try and do some stuff the night before -
I put the muesli and fruit in 2 bowls with milk and leave them overnight in the fridge. Ok the banana can look a bit off colour and soggy the next day but the milk has a lovely banana flavour, and saves so much time, chopping or peeling fruit.
I put a pile of tissues next to his place at the table ( for some reason his nose always runs at breakfast time) and the little waste bin next to his dining chair for him to throw used tissues in ( or miss the bin, as sometimes happens)
I put his biro next to his place-mat ready for him to 'attempt' the easy crossword in the daily paper

When he's showered and dressed I make him sit on his bed till I've got myself ready and tidied the bathroom etc. Then I stand at the bottom of the stairs and watch him safely down.

We'd have to be saints never to get angry. Sometimes when I've got mad at him I say afterwards - I'm sorry for shouting. He looks puzzled and says he didn't know I had. So he forgets instantly.
We carer's aren't saints, but we are not that far off, so give yourself a pat on the back
thank you at your age you are a STAR
 

Bill mac

Registered User
May 10, 2020
22
0
Hi @Bill mac
Yes there are too many things to do ... which is why it's so helpful to have some support ... someone could help your wife get up, dress etc while you take some time for yourself to be more relaxed ... you both deserve some support

Contact your Local Authority Adult Services to arrange an assessment of her care needs, and a carers assessment for you ... home care visits will take over some tasks
Dorothy starts at a day care centre on Tuesday next week one day for now
 

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