keep getting called back by mum

[widdy]

Hello all. It is a few weeks now that I postedon here but just now I feel I am on a roller coaster. Since the 10th October my mum has taken to her bed eating less and less sleeping all the time. I have been told on three occasions that her time is close only for her to rally round . When I visit now she does not have any conversation with me. She sees people who have long died,and when she does speak it is just a mubble which I can not understand. How long do our loved ones have to suffer with this horrible illnesses. I know there is no answer to this it is in the hands of the gods the Nh is great mum is warm comfortable and well looked after but just some times I feel that I can no longer cope. Has any one else had this experience and how do you deal with it all. Thank you for just being there to listen.

 

[CeliaThePoet]

Is your Mum on any Hospice or palliative care (not sure if these are the same in UK; I'm in the US)? What I mean is, is there someone who can talk to you more about the stages of her dying and what might really be going on? I am sure it is awful to have it go on a long time. Is she still eating, drinking? Does she have urine output? Or is it an earlier stage?

 

[widdy]

Hi yes mum is in a nursing home who are very good with her. She has lost weight eats very little which the carers have to feed her which is mostly soup and cream shots and drinks only a little. She can use the comode with two girls holding her so her out put is ok I supose. I just find it very hard to see mum like this I know I have lost the mum I knew and I feel guilty wanting it to end . Thank you for answering.

 

[widdy]

Sorry Celia I forgot to say I have spoken to one of the registered nurses at the NH and they can not beleive how she picks up. Only last week her pulse was thready and her legs mottled which is a sign of the body shutting down only for her to again come round. I guess when mum is ready she will let go.

 

[fizzie]

Widdy so sorry that you are suffering so much. Try to hang onto all those good memories and it is generally thought that hearing is intact right until the end. Keep those memories coming even if she doesn't respond, she can almost certainly hear you and be reassured that your being there is a comfort for her, just your voice. Some have suggested playing some music, carols or soft soothing type music, perhaps reading aloud, a little gentle hand massage with some favourite hand cream. All those things that keep the bonds tight and remember her as she was - don't feel guilty because all you are saying is that you want it to end because you love her and you want the best for her - that is what we all want for our loved ones. No guilt.
Thinking of you and we are all here to support you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[fizzie]

. I guess when mum is ready she will let go.[/QUOTE] Yes she will, some say that to give permission to move on helps people to let go but that is really personal. i talked to my mum on her last night about all the people she loved (who had passed on) and all the people who loved her who were waiting for her now, she just smiled gently as she went on her journey.

 

[Witzend]

I am so sorry - I know how hard it is, since my mother was much the same. She didn't take to her bed until the very end, but she was just slumped in a chair, usually asleep, didn't know me or any of the family, hardly spoke, and when she did I couldn't understand anything. She did not respond to anything - whether holding her hand, or giving her a cuddle, or talking to her. She had had dementia so long and it was so cruel to see her like this. I often wished for it to end, and I can't honestly say I felt guilty when it finally did - she was 97.
I don't know how you cope, to be honest. I sometimes wondered why I kept going to see her when there was no response and I was not apparently giving her any comfort, but if I missed a visit or put it off, I would be seized with guilt in case she died before I went again. I think I had begun to think she would go on for years more, and even see me out.
When it finally came, the end was quite quick, and seemed to come out of the blue. I am sure even the CH staff had started to think she'd go on for ever - she'd been there very nearly 8 years and in that time I'd seen so many other residents come, decline and go.

I hope it will not be too long for your poor mum, or for you - it's so very hard to see someone you love like this. x

 

[widdy]

Thank you all for your comments it means a lot to know that there are others out there that have gone or are going through the same as me. Some times you think you are the only one.