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Keep asking or just 'do'?


Registered User
Dec 10, 2013
Haven't been on TP since May for many reasons but partly due to sheer change in picture practically daily: I know many others write about the challenges of dealing with changing moods, behaviours, and it is truly like an old fashioned kaleidoscope, a slight shift but everything is different. Mum's world must be even more fractured. Mum's OT has been a star, liaising with family, Consultant and recently got my Dad to meet a wonderful guy from Alzheimer's Society who spoke with him and my Sister for a couple of hours about extra help, caring for himself, support sessions etc. he is even arranging a Caseworker to overview it all regularly and finally helped Dad to see we need to do some emergency planning etc. Mum's current diagnosis includes; Mixed vascular dementia & alzheimers, depression, anxiety and bordeline personality disorder. Terrible morning depressions becoming aggressive etc later in day. She has come close to hospitalisation again and last week we had to get the police involved when she went missing (water infection also on the go making it all worse). Dad exhausted trying to manage. Dad starting to come on board about carers coming to the house to help and we have tried to sell it to Mum too but she is still adamant no-one else can come but me and my Sister and we are both juggling round full time work and families. Others have suggested we stop asking or suggesting and just 'do'.

We have thought about 'housekeeper' who comes two hours a day to take her out, cook a meal for evening etc.p so giving Dad a break but also Mum more stimulation (has walked out of other groups we tried). Amazing she hasn't forgotten still that her driving license been removed.

Any thoughts would be appreciated about if/how we force the issue.
Thank you


Registered User
Mar 3, 2015
This sounds just like my parents before my dad sadly died. Mum has mixed dementia/alz. Just get the help, we employ a family friend, firstly she came 'to clean' and help dad, but she became great friends with mum, and continues to come three times a week ( it now contributes to live in carers time off)


Registered User
Aug 27, 2012
We also employ a "cleaner" for my FIL. They have always had a cleaner so it was easier to accept. In fact, she is a wonderful lady who makes lunch for him "ooh these eggs need using up - would you like an egg sandwich?", tries to involve him in activities "why don't you water these flowers while I sweep" and generally keeps a close eye on him.

I have to say I really don't think you'd find similar creativity from agency carers who are always so pressed for time.

If you can find the right person who's willing to be the "cleaner" it would be a great weight off your mind.
J x