Pardon if I ramble I just have to get this off my chest. I am so angry right now at how the non-caretakers in my family are judging me for my decisions. I am so angry at how my other hald=f does not understand that before mom got really bad she would ask to see my brother or for him to come visit. (She had long forgotten what he looked like...but knew he existed thru our talks)And how he has not tried to come see her. I am so mad at how peopel take everyone for granted. I am mad at myself for not saying "I Love You" more often because now I say it as much as possible I just don't know if she understands thru her little world that she has gone into. Now that is off my chest I want to say thnak you's to all of you. Most days I can handle what is going on and am pretty tuff but these days watching her dwindle is hard. It's hard not knowing what is going on with her other than what I can see. (I guess I am a little of a control freak) I found this forum on one of my quests to learn more of moms disease so I wouldn't be blind sided and am thankful for you all. Today I read of the TIA's and wanted to thank Helen for her insight as to what her mom went thru and all of you. The littlest of knowledge is the best way to combat this dreadful disease from an outsiders point in. I have no way of knowing what is going on inside of her but knowing what to expect over time makes it easier to comfort her. These days we do therapy to keep her from shrivelling up and the look on her face tells me she hurts and I know tthis is for the best but still I question everything. Is the pain she is going thru worth the little outcome that comes from the therapy...in the long run her body will still pull her into the fetal position and I so hate looking at her face when we do therapy, but that is the only way I have of knowing that I am not doing more than stretching those tendons. Am I such a bad person for feeling so out of it today?