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Just when you thought.......

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
308
Central Scotland
Just when I thought that everything was going fine for (OH and therefore for me) he had a fall in the Care Home, Tuesday Evening and was put to bed with painkillers. By Tuesday morning his leg was swollen and he was in a lot of pain, so sent by ambulance to A & E at the main hospital. There all morning having xrays and other tests. Doctor phoned early afternoon to say fractured hip, which Must be operated on. He said that if it were elective, non essential surgery, he would be advising against operation, given OH's age, dementia and recent TIA. But he cannot be left with a broken hip so they must proceed. He reckons that OH's chances of recovering are 50/50 and asked for the family's consent to a DNR, which we gave. I was allowed a short visit to a drugged up OH in the hospital last night (Daughter would drive me there but had a puncture half way and we had to call my sister to take me the rest of the way.) Waiting game today, to phone at lunch time to see how surgery went.
 

None the Wiser

Registered User
Feb 3, 2020
102
Oh my goodness. What a worry. You’ve just put my bad night with my husband into perspective. Thinking of you.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
a difficult issue, but i'm pleased that choices were taken for you.
My Gran broke both hips & the first was operated on & she regained mobility & no noticeable cognitive change ; the second time sadly no operation as the progress of dementia & end stage dictated treatment.

Sending you ((((((((hugs)))))))) & loving support 💕
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
308
Central Scotland
Surgery went better than expected, with no heart, BP or breathing problems. OH returned to ward and now sleeping peacefully. I am invited to visit him early evening, when he should be awake. I feel totally drained and off now for a nap. Thank you all for your kind, supportive messages.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,689
Glad the operation went well, hope the visit does too with no more drama on the way, and that they can get your husband back to his care home soon.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Surgery went better than expected, with no heart, BP or breathing problems. OH returned to ward and now sleeping peacefully. I am invited to visit him early evening, when he should be awake. I feel totally drained and off now for a nap. Thank you all for your kind, supportive messages.
💕💕💕
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
308
Central Scotland
Saw him again yesterday evening for 30 minutes. He was in a deep sleep with the odd twitch but I just sat there, held his hand and counted my blessings. There were 3 possible outcomes from the surgery - A) he would come through unscathed, B) he would come through but with life changing complications, C) He would die during surgery. We got the A result, which was such a relief, but I was surprised that my second preference would have been for him to die. Does that make me selfish? or is that what most long term Carers would want for their loved ones?
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
563
No at all selfish @Wifenotcarer . This is kindness and compassion. I have freely admitted on the forum before now that I have often wished for a swift and peaceful end for my mum. You have nothing to feel bad about there.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Saw him again yesterday evening for 30 minutes. He was in a deep sleep with the odd twitch but I just sat there, held his hand and counted my blessings. There were 3 possible outcomes from the surgery - A) he would come through unscathed, B) he would come through but with life changing complications, C) He would die during surgery. We got the A result, which was such a relief, but I was surprised that my second preference would have been for him to die. Does that make me selfish? or is that what most long term Carers would want for their loved ones?
never selfish to not want to see another suffer- i was devastated when Dad passed but relieved that the suffering was over; & i hope my aged mother doesn't linger either. Having seen my Grandmother bed bound for two an a half years with dementia & broken hips i wouldn't want to put anyone through that experience. My Grandfather was 9 months bed bound & it's just torturous knowing what Aged Mother has infront of her ...
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
701
When Mummy, then in her late seventies had emergency surgery on her appendix and bowel, she surprised us all and made a pretty good recovery, though she sadly had a steep decline in her dementia after the surgery. I believe this is very common.
I was so afraid to lose her during surgery that I never really thought long term. The time after surgery was hard, Mummy didn't do well in hospital and they couldn't do physio with her as she wasn't able to follow instruction. However, although she lost mobility, the care home were brilliant with her and she did regain quality of life.
Looking back now, depending on how life changing the implications were, like you I would have wished for recovery with decent quality of life or a peaceful end. Sadly we don't always have the time and circumstances to make these decisions. It is incredibly difficult.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
308
Central Scotland
The time after surgery was hard, Mummy didn't do well in hospital and they couldn't do physio with her as she wasn't able to follow instruction
This is what is happening with OH. Had a long talk with the Physio yesterday. She said that OH has recovered physically to the stage where he should be having intensive physio to get him back on his feet and back to his care home, but his lack of response to instructions is making this impossible. This is not helped by having only one of his hearing aids (the other is lost somewhere in the hospital as were his teeth for 4 days). He is being fed by a nurse because he keeps choking so is mainly having thickened liquids. Physio was warning me that he may not be able to walk unaided - at best with a zimmer, at worst he will be in a wheelchair.

On the positive side, I have been able to visit him every day. He seems to recognise me now, at least as someone he knows. Conversation is difficult as he can't hear and his speech is garbled, but he seems to be quite cheerful and smiles a lot. It is exhausting for me as the hospital is 40mins each way by car + a 10min walk from car park to entrance and another marathon walk to his ward. I was taken aback when I was asked to take his laundry home to wash, 2 huge bags which I could scarcely carry and very surprised to find that it included a duvet cover, under sheet and a Kylie bed protector. 3 machine loads last night and as it is, of course, pouring here, all to be dried in the tumble dryer. Is this usual now? to have to do your OH's laundry including bedding?
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
701
We used to wash Mummys (and as a child mine) laundry of clothes when in hospital otherwise the clothes got lost and we never saw them again otherwise. I never had to wash bedding. That sounds very odd. Might be worth asking as that does not sound right.
I think you would be well within your rights to have a word with the senior nurse/ward manager about having to take home heavy belongings. I am disabled and find the everlasting (and profoundly depressing) hospital corridors a nightmare. I think if you explain that it is difficult, if there is the need for taking other heavy loads, could they get a porter to help you? Hospitals are short staffed, but they should not be asking you to do things that exhaust you, on top of everything else you are going through. Sadly, in the final irony, hospitals are not great places in terms of access for disabled people......
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,089
Dorset
I cannot believe you are expected to launder hospital bedding as it should all be sterile. I think a mistake has happened there.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,758
Nottinghamshire
I too can’t believe hospital bedding would be expected to be washed by the patient’s family. I’m sure someone’s made a big mistake. I would phone the ward and explain. If they want the bedding back perhaps they could come and fetch it from you.

In terms of infection control alone families laundering hospital bedding seems like a massive no no to me.

I’m surprised no-one noticed their mistake when they saw you leaving with all those bags.