Just when you think.....

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Unhappy15, Mar 26, 2019.

  1. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    131
    Just when you think you have it under control and have come to terms with this disease and the situation you find yourself in, boy can it come back and bite you.

    My husband has been in care for three and a half years, he is in a nice home and is very settled. Although he seems to know me and smiles when I go in every day he seldom speaks. Today we were sitting in his room together as usual when he pointed to the soft toy dog on his bed, we call him 'hug me' because he has a little jumper on with that on the front. When I gave it to him he stroked its head and then kissed it so gently and just cuddled it.
    Since then I just cannot control the tears, I just want him to come home, I want our life back but most of all I hate this illness with all my heart and the pain it causes is unimaginable.
     
  2. SaraKate

    SaraKate Registered User

    Dec 29, 2018
    47
    Poor you, poor you, this is so painful. I cannot imagine how distressed you must be and I agree with you completely, this is a terrible terrible illness, and like everyone else in the world, I had no idea how terrible it was until it came into my life and now I realise it is a fatal pain.
    At least your husband has some happiness? At least he feels tenderness and can seek and get comfort from 'Hug Me'. Can you get a matching dog for you to hug and then you could swap them occasionally? So you could share hugs?
    Sending a hug to you, anyway, you're not alone
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,268
    Female
    South coast
    The grief monster can come out and slap you when you least expect it.

    We are constantly grieving - the loss of our LO, the loss of relationship, the loss of our old lives and the loss of our dreams.
     
  4. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    131
    Dear SaraKate,
    Thank you for your kind thoughts and hug.
    It's just so hard when you remember the person as they were, my husband crashed through life. When I think of him as he was the phrase 'large as life and twice as nasty' springs to mind, but you knew he was there, never to be ignored.
    The man I knew would hate to see himself as he is and the only consolation is that he seems content in his own world, but what haunts me is he really content but can't communicate otherwise if he is not.
    Still I suppose he still has 'Hug me'.
    Kathy xx
     
  5. lilypat

    lilypat Registered User

    Mar 1, 2019
    208
    Female
    Yorkshire
    words I have none tears I have loads and hugs I send you x
     

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