Need to share. I am 52, full-time working Mum, two children, 18, 11. Husband in remission from cancer, not working. Mum's been going downhill for last year quite badly. Two brothers live long distant, sister, who doesn't work but has grandchildren, and me coping alone. Mum in denial, won't accept any help, even keeping relations at bay, just wants me, sister and my husband really. We do everything for her. She's only at home overnight.
I came home this afternoon with migraine - been doing too much I suppose. Went bed for an hour - bliss, even tho in pain, didn't have to feel guilty about lying in. Never get chance because up early to get to Mum's every morning and at weekends before work. Sister dropped Mum off at 2, not knowing I was ill. Couldn't sleep it off because Mum never stopped talking downstairs and I knew it would be hard on my husband, who is just great with her really. I got up and when my medication kicked in, I started ironing again. It's the only way I can cope with Mum when she is in the house because she won't listen to anything on tele. She criticises everything that's on, girls especially, and it drives us nuts. As for Richard and Judy, God help them, she's really got it in for them because they are on every day, and she used to love them!
I read up on dementia last night and I think that she's got Vascular Dementia. She remains undiagnosed - hates he doctor. (She went to get her eyes tested the other day, loved the lady, today she hates her - isn't going again! ) Why I say I think she's got that is because some weeks ago when she was down ours she would sit on the sofa and just stare for long periods of time, as if she was shut off from things. Some weeks later now, she won't shut up, as if she's on a high, really full of herself. Afterwards, she'll go quiet and dead confused. For example, she just went upstairs to use the toilet. When she came down she was trying to explain to us something about 'a wire thing' and 'needs a knife'. I knew she was referring to the toilet roll holder, because she needs a knife to get hers out of the holder in her house, and that ours needed a new roll, but she wouldn't have it, she said she wanted to show me. Took me upstairs and I really believed she thought she was in her own house, because when she got upstairs she looked so confused, and then she got really irritable. I felt so sorry for her.
I took her home and I did the usual, tablets, bottle for the bed, television, heating and everything, but I felt so stressed I just made my excuses and left. Got in the car and just burst into tears. I say to my husband that the only way this is going to get better is if she dies, how awful is that. Once she's gone, I'll pray every day she could be back with us, but I wouldn't want her back the way she is now, I want her back the way she was, my lovely Mum, who I have always loved so very much and who has always been my best friend. She's still here and I am missing her so much. I suppose she has always been the one to make me feel better - still her little girl, and I don't suppose you really grow up until you lose your Mum.
I came home this afternoon with migraine - been doing too much I suppose. Went bed for an hour - bliss, even tho in pain, didn't have to feel guilty about lying in. Never get chance because up early to get to Mum's every morning and at weekends before work. Sister dropped Mum off at 2, not knowing I was ill. Couldn't sleep it off because Mum never stopped talking downstairs and I knew it would be hard on my husband, who is just great with her really. I got up and when my medication kicked in, I started ironing again. It's the only way I can cope with Mum when she is in the house because she won't listen to anything on tele. She criticises everything that's on, girls especially, and it drives us nuts. As for Richard and Judy, God help them, she's really got it in for them because they are on every day, and she used to love them!
I read up on dementia last night and I think that she's got Vascular Dementia. She remains undiagnosed - hates he doctor. (She went to get her eyes tested the other day, loved the lady, today she hates her - isn't going again! ) Why I say I think she's got that is because some weeks ago when she was down ours she would sit on the sofa and just stare for long periods of time, as if she was shut off from things. Some weeks later now, she won't shut up, as if she's on a high, really full of herself. Afterwards, she'll go quiet and dead confused. For example, she just went upstairs to use the toilet. When she came down she was trying to explain to us something about 'a wire thing' and 'needs a knife'. I knew she was referring to the toilet roll holder, because she needs a knife to get hers out of the holder in her house, and that ours needed a new roll, but she wouldn't have it, she said she wanted to show me. Took me upstairs and I really believed she thought she was in her own house, because when she got upstairs she looked so confused, and then she got really irritable. I felt so sorry for her.
I took her home and I did the usual, tablets, bottle for the bed, television, heating and everything, but I felt so stressed I just made my excuses and left. Got in the car and just burst into tears. I say to my husband that the only way this is going to get better is if she dies, how awful is that. Once she's gone, I'll pray every day she could be back with us, but I wouldn't want her back the way she is now, I want her back the way she was, my lovely Mum, who I have always loved so very much and who has always been my best friend. She's still here and I am missing her so much. I suppose she has always been the one to make me feel better - still her little girl, and I don't suppose you really grow up until you lose your Mum.
