Just want to say, "Hi" !!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by jarnee, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Hi :)

    Haven't posted for a couple of days, but I have done alot of reading of other people's posts. Dad has been in the home for about 3 weeks now and always wants us to take him away from there "Can I come with you now? You won't go without me will you? Tell 'them' we're just going for a walk and we can drive off in the car" ...etc ...etc:rolleyes:
    At first I would calm him, the chat for a while, then come away in tears that he was so unhappy.

    Just by reading all the posts on here, I am slowly coming to realise that it is not my dad talking, but the AD. There is now a pattern to our daily visits. He tells us how pleased he is to see us. We go through the "You will get me out, won't you" speech for a few minutes ( could be longer or less time depending on what mood he's in / how tired he is / if he's a bit under the weather etc etc). THEN... As soon as he is convinced that we are sorting everything out for him to go back to Moreton (where he lived about 40 years ago) and that if he doesn't mind staying the night we will come back for him in a few days, he is fine and we can talk about other things....limited things....he always talk about some photos on the wall that he tells us are of Birkenhead (Could be anywhere !!!) and we just go along with it. We took dominoes the other day and had a lovely few games ( with help, prompting and reminders of what to do).

    Anyway, aside from all this rambling, what I'm trying to say is that slowly, very slowly,with the help of this site and reading the postings I am coming to realise that I am not alone. That my dad has AD and that I ought to be grateful that he is in a good home, warm, well fed ( if his expanding waistline is anything to go by!!) and , most important, safe from harm.

    I wish he was happy, just like I walways remember he was all his life, but I don't know if he is happy and I guess I never will.

    It is ME that has to learn to cope. This is as good as it will get and I must learn to treasure every laugh and joke we share. He has AD, but he's still MY dad. If something had happened to me as a child, I know he would have spent his life making sure I was as well looked after as I could be, now I can repay that and make sure he's well cared for.

    Thanks, TP, for being there

    Jarnee

    (Er, can't find the icon for tears dripping onto the keyboard, so please use your imagination at this point)
     
  2. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Jarnee

    I reckon we all need plastic covers on our keyboards......... but it's good to let the emotion out among friends. Your love for your Dad shines through. Take care and sending {{Hugs}}
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Jarnee,
    Well done - don't know what else to say really, but beginning to accept the situation and finding some peace with it is a step forward, however small a step you feel that you might have taken at the moment. Really just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
    Amy
     
  4. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    #4 noelphobic, Apr 1, 2006
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2006
    Great opportunity for multi tasking and cleaning the keyboard though Jamee :)

    Seriously though, I feel for you. My mum was asking to go home on Wednesday night when I saw her. My sister had been there that afternoon and said a couple of the other residents had been talking about when they lived at home.

    While I was there Lil, my mum's room mate, went into her usual sun downing routine - she needed to get home to look after her family, they wouldn't know where she was etc. My mum's speech is usually not very clear and even when you can decipher the words you can't always decipher the meaning. However, at one point Lil said 'I have a family to see to'. My mum said, clear as a bell, 'Well, we all do!' Lil then responded by saying something along the lines of 'who asked you!' I was quite annoyed but it wouldn't have helped the situation any if I'd jumped to my mum's defence! It wouldn't have been a bad visit if it wasn't for Lil as she got quite nasty and was upsetting the other residents. As I was leaving I made a fatal error - Lil asked me to tell her family where she was and I said I would, contradicting what I'd told her earlier that they knew where she was! She then told me that I was a liar and she obviously believes that I'm part of the conspiracy to keep her in there! I was going to go last night and the memory of this incident put me off, which is totally unfair to my mum of course! I'm planning to go this afternoon and hopefully I'll be too early for the sundowning session!
     
  5. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Sounds like you have to be sooooooo careful what you say, noelphobic. Dad was a bit cheerier today, but still asks if we are taking him out soon. Funny thing is, the place he wants to go to is where he lived before I was born....he never makes any mention of the house I grew up in ( the one he lived in for vitually 40 years until just a few weeks ago!). That doesn't seem to be where he wants to go to at all. But, having read other posts this is not unusual.

    Hope the visit today went better for you.

    Jarnee
    X
     

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