I know, we don't HAVE to, but the dreaded guilt makes us really. You are all so right, and what AngelaT says above is exactly what I would tell a friend. Thank you to everyone for being so supportive, but I do know inside that I am NOT being a good daughter at the moment. I am so confused, guilty and angry too, mostly at myself. Gritting my teeth and dreading every day. Getting help is difficult, there are others in the family who do far more than their bit while working but won't accept the idea of 'outsiders' being involved, as if we should be ashamed. I don't feel like that - it is an illness like any other, and needs to be managed. And I will get accustomed, I know, it will be a long haul. Good advice about having all the 'kit' to hand, from now on, anyway. Thanks to everyone, it helps no end to know that you all understand, and haven't just judged me for being like this.