I'm back after a long absence because I need you. My lovely husband died in February after spending 4 months in hospital. I thought I was staring to cope but I'm not. Before he was admitted to hospital we had agreed to sell the house and had an offer accepted on a suitable place near one of our daughters. In January I moved house alone from Shropshire to Leicestershire. Other than my daughter I know only one other person I can talk to about Jeff, and I don't like to burden my daughter with my sadnesses. I feel so alone. No one here knows how Jeff was and if I mention that I'm newly widowed I find they say things such as meeting in the afterlife, or that they know a good Medium who might be able to convey messages. Except for my friend who is herself 2 years along the path of widowhood I have no one who knows or seems able to imagine what it's like to keep your husband's ashes by the bed and talk to them, or to have days when the only thing you're capable of doing is going downstairs in your dressing gown for coffee and spending the day crying and looking through photos and wishing you'd known enough to never get impatient. I'm wracked with guilt. But then tonight I can't sleep and suddenly thought of all you empathetic people who actually do know how it feels and I read of others who keep their loved one's ashes close and suddenly I feel as if I'm not going mad. So thank you.