Just thought I would share this nice story sent to me by a friend.

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Tressa, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. Tressa

    Tressa Registered User

    May 18, 2004
    31
    N. Ireland
    I don't know if it is an actual story but I thought it was lovely.

    It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in
    his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that
    he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital
    signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before
    someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and
    decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his
    wound.
    On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the
    needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking
    care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had
    a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

    The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat
    breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me
    that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer
    Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she
    would be worried if he was a bit late.

    He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized
    him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him.

    "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

    He smiled as he patted my hand and said.

    "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

    I had to hold back tears as he left, and thought, "That is the kind of love
    I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True
    love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
    With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some
    that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those
    kind. Just had to share it with you all.

    "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they
    just make the best of everything that comes along their way."
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Happiness is ..

    Thank you for that - what a lovely story. BeckyJan
     
  3. Many thanks for sharing that - a lovely story... and if it's not true, there are many similar with such sentiments.


    It's nice to read something like that, especially when you hear such negative comments re: dementia such as:
    "If that ever happens to me - someone shoot me" - and I feel like saying,
    "can't I shoot you now instead if that's your attitude?"

    I've seen husbands with dementia walking around with people they think are their wives... and I always feel deeply when their relatives come in - especially for the REAL wife who then has to persuade him to come sit with her.

    It's truly sad to see this as an observer at first - only after some time when you're aware of the 'dementia universe' (i.e. the reality that the Person with dementia experiences) and been there for some time that you can understand - however, it's certainly upsetting to loved ones.

    Gawd sorry... sounds like I'm 'putting a downer' on this thread - if so, I don't intend to!

    Back to the story - makes you think:
    "For better, for worse" - and he's certainly stuck to that.

    And I KNOW I would do the same... easy to say?

    Me and my wife have been through a HELL of a lot together before and during our marriage - and even though we're only coming up to 7 years of marriage - she's stuck with me no matter what!

    And to the gent int the story...
    And to the husbands/wives/partners who do the same...

    You certainly have my respect and admiration!

    :)

    N.
     
  4. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi Tressa,

    Thank you for sharing that. It is also my Mum and Dad's story. Happily and lovingly married for nearly 60 years before AD got to my Dad. Mum visits him every afternoon, despite my sister and I trying to persuade her to have a break. Mum says she cannot bear to think of him all on his own and unhappy. She has also got used to turning up and finding women residents holding his hand, just as you say Dearth, and she has to prise him away! It used to upset her but she now has much more insight into this 'dementia universe' - as you so aptly put it, and sometimes sits my Dad with a female resident for company when she leaves.

    Unfortunately though, if I am honest with myself, I wouldn't say that my Mum is happy, nor do I believe she will ever be again. It's more of a resigned, what-else-is-there-to-do, blow-it, let's-get-on-with-it kind of attitude. That's not to say that she doesn't have a few laughs with us and friends she has made at Dad's Home. Sorry, I've also gone a bit glum here.

    Thanks again,
     
  5. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    124
    Hornchurch,Essex
    Nice Story

    That is just how I am with my Anna,thiugh she still knows me,though sometimesshe thinks I am her father,and sometimes I have to go and check out our fishpond,just to be sure she hasnt fulfilled her threat of cutting off my head and chucking it in the fishpond!!!
     
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Tressa
    whay a lovely story and so sad.
    When his wife died I bet he wasn't far behind
    Norman
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Or maybe Norman he accepted that part of his life was over, gave thanks for it, and began a new episode.
    Amy
     
  8. You're in good company then... pull up a chair and we'll drown out sorrows together!

    :D

    Proof that the Dementia World isn't a 'Laugh A Minute' - don't get me wrong... I've shared many a laugh with patients (and that's WITH and not AT folks) but the end of the day, it is an illness, and there is tragedy.

    But for me, who has a functional memory - I can recall more positives than negatives from my experience... one day I'd like to compile a book based on the positive side... the laughter shared, and the joy...

    Hmm... that's an angle for a new thread...

    Now inspired... I'm off to start one.

    Please join in folks!

    :)

    N.
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Amen to that nice positive thought, Amy.
     
  10. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi All, Sorry for putting a downer on the thread. I'm feeling a little negative lately, must be the winter - the recent positive posts are normally something I'd join in with but I'm just feeling a little helpless/useless in my support of Mum and Dad at the moment. Like whatever I do, I can't get it back as it was, for Dad and for Mum (and for me)! I know that it's impossible and you'd think I'd have learnt that by now, but I guess the heart's not rational. Anyway, keep laughing and the world (including me, eventually) will laugh with you.

    P.S. How's your fishpond Fredrick?!
     
  11. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    391
    Dear Hazel, I hope you are soon feeling a little better -I don't like to think of you being so down as you have always been there for me. Wish I could help ...
     
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello Hazel, don't fret too much. It is goodto have 'joke sections'. laughter threads. and positive posts. Can make us all feel brighter.

    It is also O.K.to feel down sometimes, glad you feel able to share that emotion with us. Sending you a big HUG and love and best wishes. Take care now, Connie
     
  13. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amy
    Or maybe, Norman, he accepted that part of his life was over, gave thanks for it, and began a new episode.
    Amy



    Amy
    depends how old he is.
    Norman
     
  14. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Hi All,

    My father is still an extremely handsome man at 88 years of age, with a military bearing and impeccable manners. Since he and my mother moved into their Nursing Home in July, Dad has acquired a 'following'. This has been much remarked upon by the staff.

    Dad is now 'responsible' for a number of ladies whom he shepherds around from the dining room to the activities room and out on twice weekly bus trips. Apparently he has my mother on one arm, their favourite friend Violet on the other - and a little group of assorted ladies in tow.

    About 20 years ago Dad came to Oz to visit me. I didn't get to see a lot of him during the day because my girlfriends hijacked him and he became their escort whilst I was at work. It's great to see that he is still in so much demand.

    Jude
     
  15. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi Everyone,

    I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words and that I've given myself a good talking to! Why is it that I can feel so bad one week and then bounce back again when nothing much has changed? Perhaps it's because of the good visit to Dad's Home today. We played table tennis, with Dad still putting that deadly spin on the ball. Sometimes he can't remember how to bounce it across the table, so we end up pushing it across with our bats, but today he was on top form!

    A bit later, the music was playing and we were singing. Mum got Dad up to dance and they were entertaining the other residents too. When they came to sit back down Mum said that she's not so brave when I'm not there. Without realising it she had made me feel so happy. I may not be able to give her back her life with Dad, but at least I can try and make her feel 'brave' enough to get up and dance now and then.

    Lynne - I think I may have to pinch your "Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance."

    and Tressa - this week I can see the wisdom in your "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they
    just make the best of everything that comes along their way."
    Thanks everyone.
     
  16. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    391
    Hello Hazel. It's so good to know that you're OK. You have been there from the start for me and it's unsettling when someone who has helped you so much is having a bad time themselves.

    I think I would like your Dad very much, being an amateur table tennis player myself. Glad you're feeling better.
     
  17. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Hazel,
    Just wanted to say I'm glad today's a better day, and your Dad & Mum sound as if they are on good form. Thank goodness for the Ups, to offset the Downs.
     

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