Hi
First time ever on here, v. long story, will try to keep it short though....
Dad was a heavy smoker but always in good health. About 8 years ago he suffered a minor heart attack, further tests led to a double bypass. A few years after that and several tests later confirmed an aortic aneurysm - again another major operation from which he pulled through.
Always a successful businessman, we (mum, hubby and I) began to notice a few subtle changes in the way he spoke/behaved etc. from then on. 'Not his usual self' is, I guess, the best way to describe it.
A few more years later and lots of treatments (including Aricept etc) his diagnosis was vascular dementia potentially brought about by the second operation, during which he was deemed to have had 'an amount of' mini-strokes. This has never been confirmed though.
Told you it is a long story!
Last year, he has gotten worse and worse - he has retired from successful business but can no longer speak properly, do his beloved crosswords, and his behaviour is becoming more and more bizarre. The doctors are telling mum it's down to the fact he has aphasia but we know it's more than that.
Last August things reached a head. I had my first baby (I'm an only child so dad was always begging me to make him a granddad!) and then moved 6 1/2 hours away to Scotland as my husband is in the Air Force. Around about the same time, dad started threatening to kill my mum, I persuaded her to call in the CPN and he was sectioned. Dad went into a nursing home last December and is still there now, virtually doubly incontinent, hardly speaking, very retarded and not seeming to recognise my mum.
The thing is this - I feel SO guilty I cannot be nearer my mum (although we are moving next week so I'll only be an hour away - hurrah!) but the main thing is that mum visits dad 6 days out of 7 a week, by bus, no actually 2 buses. She is in very good health thank goodness, but feels guilty if she misses one day. Dad is still v. young, 67, and it kills me to see him like he is. Truth be told he is not my dad anymore, just a shell. I am trying to persuade my mum, for her own health, to cut down her visits but bless her, she is still coming to terms, nearly a year later (as we all are) with what has happened.
People tell us that he doesn't know us and is in a 'little world of his own and won't realise it if he doesn't get a visitor one day' and yet a huge part of me is thinking 'how the hell do people know this and where is the research to prove it?' Sorry for ranting but it's just good to get it all off my chest. It's been a strange year....
Ali
First time ever on here, v. long story, will try to keep it short though....
Dad was a heavy smoker but always in good health. About 8 years ago he suffered a minor heart attack, further tests led to a double bypass. A few years after that and several tests later confirmed an aortic aneurysm - again another major operation from which he pulled through.
Always a successful businessman, we (mum, hubby and I) began to notice a few subtle changes in the way he spoke/behaved etc. from then on. 'Not his usual self' is, I guess, the best way to describe it.
A few more years later and lots of treatments (including Aricept etc) his diagnosis was vascular dementia potentially brought about by the second operation, during which he was deemed to have had 'an amount of' mini-strokes. This has never been confirmed though.
Told you it is a long story!
Last year, he has gotten worse and worse - he has retired from successful business but can no longer speak properly, do his beloved crosswords, and his behaviour is becoming more and more bizarre. The doctors are telling mum it's down to the fact he has aphasia but we know it's more than that.
Last August things reached a head. I had my first baby (I'm an only child so dad was always begging me to make him a granddad!) and then moved 6 1/2 hours away to Scotland as my husband is in the Air Force. Around about the same time, dad started threatening to kill my mum, I persuaded her to call in the CPN and he was sectioned. Dad went into a nursing home last December and is still there now, virtually doubly incontinent, hardly speaking, very retarded and not seeming to recognise my mum.
The thing is this - I feel SO guilty I cannot be nearer my mum (although we are moving next week so I'll only be an hour away - hurrah!) but the main thing is that mum visits dad 6 days out of 7 a week, by bus, no actually 2 buses. She is in very good health thank goodness, but feels guilty if she misses one day. Dad is still v. young, 67, and it kills me to see him like he is. Truth be told he is not my dad anymore, just a shell. I am trying to persuade my mum, for her own health, to cut down her visits but bless her, she is still coming to terms, nearly a year later (as we all are) with what has happened.
People tell us that he doesn't know us and is in a 'little world of his own and won't realise it if he doesn't get a visitor one day' and yet a huge part of me is thinking 'how the hell do people know this and where is the research to prove it?' Sorry for ranting but it's just good to get it all off my chest. It's been a strange year....
Ali
