Just feel like crying all the time, and how selfish. Mum, 82 is caring for Dad, 86, with AD. I am there most days, shower him, shop, prepare their meals, transport, try to give Mum a break as much as possible. But, in the end, it's Mum who is there all the time.
Dad is around Stage 7, now has trouble walking, almost blind, but not incontinent. He is generally sweet really, and calls us both Mama. He can get unbearably difficult when I try to help him get to the shower, it's the walking, not the shower. Fortunately he is usually happy enough to shower, but it exhausts him. In trying to help him do things, like getting into the car, it's such a long and hard process, he doesn't know how to get into the car, and breaking the process down into tiny steps can be so challenging. I don't think he will cope with getting in a car much longer.
Today when showering, I needed him to walk forward with me, then turn 180 degrees to sit in the chair. He is so fearful and unsteady and the bathroom is too small for his walker. He became grumpy and mean, which I know is normal, he's tired and confused. But I explained I was trying to help him and it isn't nice if he's grumpy. He looked at me so sadly and quietly asked, "Was I grumpy?" I said no, and kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. It was just overwhelmingly sad.
It's hours later and I can't stop feeling like crying. Once again, there's been enough time, dealing with the various stages and progression, and I've researched and learned enough to understand this disease, and the daily grief, so it's not unexpected, I just needed to share.
Dad is around Stage 7, now has trouble walking, almost blind, but not incontinent. He is generally sweet really, and calls us both Mama. He can get unbearably difficult when I try to help him get to the shower, it's the walking, not the shower. Fortunately he is usually happy enough to shower, but it exhausts him. In trying to help him do things, like getting into the car, it's such a long and hard process, he doesn't know how to get into the car, and breaking the process down into tiny steps can be so challenging. I don't think he will cope with getting in a car much longer.
Today when showering, I needed him to walk forward with me, then turn 180 degrees to sit in the chair. He is so fearful and unsteady and the bathroom is too small for his walker. He became grumpy and mean, which I know is normal, he's tired and confused. But I explained I was trying to help him and it isn't nice if he's grumpy. He looked at me so sadly and quietly asked, "Was I grumpy?" I said no, and kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. It was just overwhelmingly sad.
It's hours later and I can't stop feeling like crying. Once again, there's been enough time, dealing with the various stages and progression, and I've researched and learned enough to understand this disease, and the daily grief, so it's not unexpected, I just needed to share.
