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Just popped in for a bit of support

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by wetnosewheatie, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    I am a lurker in the found but have found reading others comments supportive over the years. Usually late at night when I can't sleep.

    My dads 83 and had been in and out of hospital in recent weeks with an upper GI bleed vomiting agitation blocked bladder and a rash. He is now completely bed ridden. Have to see the doctor tomorrow as his fluid and food intake are minimal and he is being hydrated by an IV drip. They are looking to remove this. I don't think he will take in enough to sustain him long. I keep hoping he will have a quiet and quick passing but it doesn't seem this will be.

    I am due to be on holiday from Friday at the other end of the country. I am not sure what to do for the best. I need a break it's been a tough year so far and I can't rearrange the holiday but don't want him to think on whatever level he is on I am not there even if I do find it almost impossible to visit and he appears totally unaware of my presence.

    I want to do the best by this final bit of the journey. He's always done his best for me b
     
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    2,259
    East Sussex
    I don't think there are any easy answers, so many seem to bounce back again & again, there is no way of knowing what is best for you to do.

    Even if you stay, you are likely to pop to the loo, grab a coffee or lie down for half an hour & that will be the time your dad slips away. Nurses will often tell you this

    Your dad knows you love him, that is what matters, he is in your heart, always with you
     
  3. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Thank you for listening xxx my mum passed in a hospice I had been there for days. I had gone out to the garden for a breath of fresh air.
     
  4. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    2,259
    East Sussex
    My dad did the same. I'm lucky that I had the previous evening with him, it was funny & sad, we laughed & told silly stories

    I drove 80 miles home that night, assured he was fine, but he slipped away the next day while we were not there

    I don't feel guilty for not being there, mum does, but dad said his goodbyes & I hold that night in my heart

    You need a break. It's booked. You can't change it

    See what the medic 'professionals" say about it & make your decision. No one can make it for you. But know, no matter what you do, no matter how you plan, your dad will go when he wants to & if that is without you there, you can't change that

    Sometimes you just have to do what you need to do for you & hope it's ok with everyone else.

    I'm pretty sure your dad would want you to be happy.
     
  5. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,112
    hertfordshire
    #5 angecmc, Jul 5, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2017
    I am sorry to hear about your Dad, as others have said only you can decide what is best for you. Nobody can say when your Dad will pass, this could go on for a while yet, or it could be quick, I really feel for you. I have just said to my husband that I don't feel I can be away at the moment as we are in a similar situation to you, it is so hard. Not saying this should be the same answer for you, I fortunately do not have any holiday booked so it's easier for me. Can't really be any help, sending you hugs xx
     
  6. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Thank you for your support. The doctor has taken my dad off the IV now so will see what tomorrow brings
     
  7. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Dad has now been off fluids for 2 days. He isn't taking food or drink much so guess he will fade slowly and hopefully comfortably. I am going to say goodbye soon. So sad
     
  8. Soobee

    Soobee Volunteer Host

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,341
    South
    Wishing your dad comfort and peace and you a restful break.
     
  9. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Thank you for your kind thoughts
     
  10. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,112
    hertfordshire
    Thinking of you, take care of yourself too xx

    Ange
     
  11. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Thank you. I'm on holiday. I have had some time to relax but in the wee small hours it's hard not to think. Grateful for the TP support x
     
  12. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Well here we are back from holiday and dads still with us. How can anyone last on so little liquid and food. It's like watching someone die the slowest death. The hospital rang me on holiday about giving him the last rites which I agreed to. I don't think faith was important to him but he was baptised. I was advised to cancel his nursing home place as it wouldn't be needed. The integrated team felt it wasn't the right place should he need to return. At least in hospital he has his own room and it's peaceful. It's so upsetting watching someone fade away like this.
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    11,513
    Ireland
    It's a very, very hard thing, this time of waiting for someone we love to die. Like being in the twilight zone. Thinking of you.
     
  14. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,112
    hertfordshire
    Sending you hugs xx

    Ange
     
  15. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Thank TP peeps for your virtual hugs x. Dads still with us. So hard watching him fade away. Nurse said he has had only 10 ml water on Friday. Nothing else. He looks sleepy and peaceful but can still open his eyes. He's obviously a lot stronger than I gave him credit for. How long can people survive in this position ?
     
  16. wetnosewheatie

    wetnosewheatie Registered User

    Jun 5, 2012
    61
    Merseyside
    Dad is at peace. He passed away early today in hospital. Been a long journey and I'm sad he has gone but glad he is at peace now. Thank you to everyone who has supported via this forum x
     
  17. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    444
    Sorry to hear your news. Condolences on your loss.
     
  18. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    sorry for you loss
    thinking of you
    ros
     
  19. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Thank you for the update. I am very sorry for your loss - but glad that your dad is now at peace. Please look after yourself at this difficult time.
     
  20. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    2,259
    East Sussex
    Be kind to yourself at this difficult time.
     

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