just one of those days

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Anniebell, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. Anniebell

    Anniebell Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    115
    Feeling upset today went to mums yesterday and the heart keepsake with dad ashes has gone from its usual place. When I asked where it had gone she told me she had been talking to it and got really upset and someone's moved it ,if the carers had moved it they would have left me a note I searched everywhere yesterday and can't find it I even looked in the dustbin! The thing that's upsetting me more is mum doesn't seem bothered that we can't find it she said I liked the heart and I liked the box it was in but I don't like what's inside it dad only died sept 2013 so for me it's still early days and because I've had mum to look after I've not had time to grieve properly been too busy
    That's the first time I've felt like loosing my temper I could have cheerfully strangled her yesterday,I finished doing what I do at mums and left .cried all the way home !!!!
    I know she can't help it being like this but sometimes it's hard to take
    Sorry for going on just one of those days x:D
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Hi Anniebell-I can understand your feelings. One of the things I felt most difficult to deal with was when my OH gradually lost any empathy with other peoples feelings. It's terribly hard to take isn't it? That and the hiding/moving things. I hope you find the box. If you do can you buy a duplicate box and give that to your Mum and keep the original one? I found many items in shoes and coat pockets! I'm sure others will be along soon with some advice for you.

    I hope today is better for you

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,773
    Female
    South coast
    I wonder if your mum has forgotten what it is? Im afraid that constantly moving things around is par for the course with dementia. You may well find it again in a strange place - mum put lots of things in truly bizarre places too. When it turns up it would probably be a good idea to take it back home with you for safe keeping
     
  4. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    532
    Scotland
    Dear Anniebell - no wonder you are so upset. Have you spoken to the carer? If carer moved the box and left a note maybe your mum got rid of the note whilst the carer assumes you got the message? I hope you find the box and then you can keep it safely. xx
     
  5. Anniebell

    Anniebell Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    115
    Thanks lyn I'm sure it will turn up somewhere I just felt so hurt it's just another thing I'm going to have to learn to deal with he was a great dad and husband and I loved him and miss him so much just struggle a bit when mums like this think ill do what Canary suggests and take the box away when I eventually find it .not seeing mum today going to have a nice Sunday lunch with hubby and son( that's not happened for a while ) and I'm going to try and not feel guilty about it x
     
  6. Anniebell

    Anniebell Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    115
    Hi Canary think ill do what you suggest and take it away when I find it I sometimes wonder if she knows what it is but then other days she's clear about what it is because up until yesterday she took it with her in her handbag everywhere we went .Like you say par for the course
    take care x
     
  7. Anniebell

    Anniebell Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    115
    hi lilac blossom the carers have a book and if they need to tell me anything they write it in the book ,it will turn up somewhere and yes I'm going to put it in a safe place I'm taking it home because there are no safe places in mums when she's on her own she's everywhere and into everything , thanks for replying its nice to know there are guys like you out there that understand and very often come up with the right solutions to all the problems we face take care Annie x
     

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