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Just need a shoulder

witsend~1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2014
31
North Lincolnshire
Hi, I have read through quite a few of the threads and now appreciate that I'm not alone. My OH is in total denial, has regular falls (again total denial despite a day spent in A&E recently) GP wants to refer to a falls clinic but OH has refused as he doesn't have a problem...It goes on and on.
What I find really is the imagined slights, the rages, the vile accusations and my imagined nights out on the tiles on a weekly basis (I wish :) where no amount of explanation or reasoning will placate him..I know, I should know better but sometimes it is sooo hard.
Reading what others are going through I wonder if I am over sensitive or just a bit of a weed but being told constantly that I am useless and worse, including his new name for me 'Hitler' because I dictate does get to me and it bldy well hurts. I'm tired constantly (still work as well) woken in the middle of the night when he wakes and wants to talk or tell me off!
Ooohh I feel like a right whinger. He's annoyed right now because I am on my laptop whilst he watches yet another repeat programme on TV as he had no recollection of watching it several times before. I just don't say anything any more.It's not worth the row that would follow. I have no family support and we have no-one else I can offload on (I can only say so much,never the whole picture) Just cry for what was, for what now is, and is to come. Ah well life goes on. Sorry folks its been a particularly bad few weeks and I just need to offload x
 

flowerball1

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
18
No, not a weed... just very human and reacting to an awful situation. I remember my mum's 3 hour rants at me for being so selfish when I was caring for her. Many of these were in the middle of the night especially after she had been put back to bed a few times! I remember my utter frustration at being shut in a house with absolutely no escape from such unjustified vitriol and desperation at how I would manage to put it all behind me and start afresh the next day when she would be sweetness itself.

It must be especially difficult as he is in denial, mum never knew she had dementia as she was severely deaf and was happy to go along with me for any medical checks, so I hope someone else will be able to offer some sensible advice on how to cope. For my self I can only recommend Talking Point as a good place to share experiences with. It has saved my sanity on many occasions. Sorry I can't offer any practical advice but my shoulder is all yours!
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,824
UK
I can only 'cope' because of tp. The hardest thing in the world to stay calm under such pressure. Some days I can't talk to my mum because she is so angry with me. So no you are not weak, we are all in the same boat, not super human.
 

THEHELP

Registered User
Jan 30, 2015
17
Hi, I have read through quite a few of the threads and now appreciate that I'm not alone. My OH is in total denial, has regular falls (again total denial despite a day spent in A&E recently) GP wants to refer to a falls clinic but OH has refused as he doesn't have a problem...It goes on and on.
What I find really is the imagined slights, the rages, the vile accusations and my imagined nights out on the tiles on a weekly basis (I wish :) where no amount of explanation or reasoning will placate him..I know, I should know better but sometimes it is sooo hard.
Reading what others are going through I wonder if I am over sensitive or just a bit of a weed but being told constantly that I am useless and worse, including his new name for me 'Hitler' because I dictate does get to me and it bldy well hurts. I'm tired constantly (still work as well) woken in the middle of the night when he wakes and wants to talk or tell me off!
Ooohh I feel like a right whinger. He's annoyed right now because I am on my laptop whilst he watches yet another repeat programme on TV as he had no recollection of watching it several times before. I just don't say anything any more.It's not worth the row that would follow. I have no family support and we have no-one else I can offload on (I can only say so much,never the whole picture) Just cry for what was, for what now is, and is to come. Ah well life goes on. Sorry folks its been a particularly bad few weeks and I just need to offload x

You are NOT a weed. This is the hrdest thing I've coped with in my life so far!...I've just discovered 'Talking Point' and for some reason it does make a difference. It helps just knowing that there are people out there who REALLY understand. Take care of yourself...you are coping well in a difficult situation.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Certainly not a weed, far from it ... coping with a spouse's dementia day in day out must be one of the most difficult things that anyone could ever do. I find it hard emotionally knowing my mam has Alzheimer's and I think I probably only feel a fraction of the emotion my dad feels as the 'loss' of his beloved wife.

Offload all you like. There will almost always be someone here to offer you that shoulder - and we all need a shoulder at times.

xx