Hello there.
87 year old mother who has been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s. Mother has always been a very difficult character; confrontational, regularly to lied to everyone to put herself in the best light, had to be the centre of attention, egocentric and her parental care/love was always conditional on myself (only child) being biddable and compliant.
She lives alone - 2 hours away - and I’ve arranged for carers to go in daily to ensure she takes her Donepezil. I have an LPAs for finance/health and pay all her bills etc. The trouble is; every few weeks she kicks off majorly and refuses to take her medication (she has always had a Victorian fear of mental illness and dementia so refuses to acknowledge there might be a problem) The agency have instructions to ring me and I can usually grovel and make all sorts of promises to get her to take it but I’m not sure whether she is enjoying the drama too? Is that unreasonable of me? My husband and I visited her on Thursday and she started another confrontation. I walked away and said I was visiting the loo just to calm down, and she turned to my husband and said, “I love winding her up!”
She regularly calls in tears (has always been able to turn them on and off) saying she is lonely but everything I’ve tried to arrange for her has been either dismissed or treated with total disdain. I really don’t know what she expects me to do? My husband thinks she basically wants me, and me only, at her beck and call. I arranged meals on wheels and she told the volunteers, “I’m not eating that! Take it away and give it to a dog!” It’s almost as if she enjoys the buzz she gets from causing an upset. I feel so guilty even suspecting that of someone who has an awful disease but feel overwhelmed by guilt and sense of duty.
Her neighbours have made it clear that they think I’m not doing enough to support a “sweet elderly lady” but, despite her Alzheimer’s, she can still present a totally different face to outsiders.
She also calls saying how she has a “pain in her chest” from worry but rejects all my suggestions for help - even says she’s going to kill herself. I told her that if she was so anxious and lonely why doesn't she consider a lovely residential home near me. She turned on me and said, “You just love putting me down don’t you?! One day, you’ll be old like me and I hope no one treats you like you’ve treated me!”
I’m so stressed by her behaviour and the fact that she seems to sabotage everything I put in place that I just want to throw everything in the air and say forget it. If it wasn’t for my interventions she probably would have been in care over a year ago.
Thank you for the rant. It’s been a bit of a year with MIL and now my mother!
87 year old mother who has been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s. Mother has always been a very difficult character; confrontational, regularly to lied to everyone to put herself in the best light, had to be the centre of attention, egocentric and her parental care/love was always conditional on myself (only child) being biddable and compliant.
She lives alone - 2 hours away - and I’ve arranged for carers to go in daily to ensure she takes her Donepezil. I have an LPAs for finance/health and pay all her bills etc. The trouble is; every few weeks she kicks off majorly and refuses to take her medication (she has always had a Victorian fear of mental illness and dementia so refuses to acknowledge there might be a problem) The agency have instructions to ring me and I can usually grovel and make all sorts of promises to get her to take it but I’m not sure whether she is enjoying the drama too? Is that unreasonable of me? My husband and I visited her on Thursday and she started another confrontation. I walked away and said I was visiting the loo just to calm down, and she turned to my husband and said, “I love winding her up!”
She regularly calls in tears (has always been able to turn them on and off) saying she is lonely but everything I’ve tried to arrange for her has been either dismissed or treated with total disdain. I really don’t know what she expects me to do? My husband thinks she basically wants me, and me only, at her beck and call. I arranged meals on wheels and she told the volunteers, “I’m not eating that! Take it away and give it to a dog!” It’s almost as if she enjoys the buzz she gets from causing an upset. I feel so guilty even suspecting that of someone who has an awful disease but feel overwhelmed by guilt and sense of duty.
Her neighbours have made it clear that they think I’m not doing enough to support a “sweet elderly lady” but, despite her Alzheimer’s, she can still present a totally different face to outsiders.
She also calls saying how she has a “pain in her chest” from worry but rejects all my suggestions for help - even says she’s going to kill herself. I told her that if she was so anxious and lonely why doesn't she consider a lovely residential home near me. She turned on me and said, “You just love putting me down don’t you?! One day, you’ll be old like me and I hope no one treats you like you’ve treated me!”
I’m so stressed by her behaviour and the fact that she seems to sabotage everything I put in place that I just want to throw everything in the air and say forget it. If it wasn’t for my interventions she probably would have been in care over a year ago.
Thank you for the rant. It’s been a bit of a year with MIL and now my mother!