Just heard my mums bro may be dying??

[nerak]

Hi have just heard that my mums bro in america is very ill and may die soon I just dont know whether to tell her or not I am sick to my stomach and think this may escalate this illness am just having a really horrible time an dwonder if ill ever be free from all this stress.

Has anyone else been in this situation? About six months ago my uncle mams baby brother had prostate cancer op I told mum she didnt react and then never mentioned it again????? hes fine the op was successful but she still has never mentioned it??

If my uncle dies should I tell her?

 

[Noorza]

Hi have just heard that my mums bro in america is very ill and may die soon I just dont know whether to tell her or not I am sick to my stomach and think this may escalate this illness am just having a really horrible time an dwonder if ill ever be free from all this stress.

Has anyone else been in this situation? About six months ago my uncle mams baby brother had prostate cancer op I told mum she didnt react and then never mentioned it again????? hes fine the op was successful but she still has never mentioned it??

If my uncle dies should I tell her?

Will she remember the information? How well is she? Would she be able to get to America for the funeral. Is there any benefit to her knowing? Could anyone else mention it to her by accident? These are the kinds of things I'd be wondering about to reach a decision.

 

[Big Effort]

Hey Nerak,

I have just noticed you are posting from Ireland. Well, I'm Irish. Mum joined us here in France three months after we moved here.

My advice based on my experience. Don't give bad news. My brother had a burst aneurysm in early January. Life and death scenario. I didn't want to tell Mum until after the operation when we had a clearer picture, so at least my information would be factually correct.

The invisibles thought differently. Curt email. News like this was a mother's right to know. Better coming from me than over the phone from them. So I didn't have any options.

Told her. She reacted like a normal mother. Concerned, but sensible and able to wait a day or two, wanting news, actually no different to me.

Day three and the big descent started. Now my brother is well. My mother is still sliding. She is sliding so fast that I can't keep up. I had her stable and well, so well her neurologist told me she was "making progress" for four years.

How can an 86 year old woman, vulnerable, who loves her invisibles to bits, with moderate dementia, cope with news that her 49 year old son is on death's door. Nope, I strongly advise no bad news for people with established dementia. Why add to the torment when there is nothing they can do.

Where in Ireland do you live?
I see you are having a really tough time of this. Even bad things come to an end. I wish you gentle days ahead. I send you your own special miracle so you can cope gracefully in times of trouble.

Big hugs brave One, BE

 

[nerak]

oh be jesus!!

Hey Nerak,

I have just noticed you are posting from Ireland. Well, I'm Irish. Mum joined us here in France three months after we moved here.

My advice based on my experience. Don't give bad news. My brother had a burst aneurysm in early January. Life and death scenario. I didn't want to tell Mum until after the operation when we had a clearer picture, so at least my information would be factually correct.

The invisibles thought differently. Curt email. News like this was a mother's right to know. Better coming from me than over the phone from them. So I didn't have any options.

Told her. She reacted like a normal mother. Concerned, but sensible and able to wait a day or two, wanting news, actually no different to me.

Day three and the big descent started. Now my brother is well. My mother is still sliding. She is sliding so fast that I can't keep up. I had her stable and well, so well her neurologist told me she was "making progress" for four years.

How can an 86 year old woman, vulnerable, who loves her invisibles to bits, with moderate dementia, cope with news that her 49 year old son is on death's door. Nope, I strongly advise no bad news for people with established dementia. Why add to the torment when there is nothing they can do.

Where in Ireland do you live?
I see you are having a really tough time of this. Even bad things come to an end. I wish you gentle days ahead. I send you your own special miracle so you can cope gracefully in times of trouble.

Big hugs brave One, BE

Hi,

Thanks for that I think best say nothing (love the term for the invisables!!) No way could any of us go to america but he may want to be buried here in Ireland?? My mum is ok last few days and in good form(ok so ive laced her with Coconut oil!!) Ha! you thought id say whiskey!!! Just think this could really be the end of her but will speak to my bro in uk later.

I know my sis will protest (seems to be all she does protests but does absolutely nothing to help here just cause stress!) No emotional intelligence im afraid anyway my bro and I have decided we dont tell her anything thats happening here as she has no idea the trouble she is causing even demanded she be POA she dosnt even know what it is??

My mums ok for now not forgetting names etc.... nothing like that yet but noticed she has no emotions dosnt react normally to things? I suppose this is part of it?

Im very sorry for your mum its a terrible thing to happen to anyone enjoy the time you have left with her as much as will all need to let off steam and hate what this does we will surely miss them when theyre gone.

Ive lived most of my life in France,Macon,Lyon,Paris,Toulouse,Nice etc... where are you and are you hearing of the NEW MED (Ireland!!!!!) its fantastic here just the best summer EVER am so happy for the kids AND Irish people eating outside!!!!!! did you ever think wed see the day!!

Take care and thanks for advice I think I may end up in a home well before my mum!!! What someone running around after ME?????