1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Just feeling very low

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Quilty, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Feeling really down today. Mum had three falls last week and after the doc visited another which led to a trip to hospital as they queried broken bones. In the end no breaks but bruising, extreme confusion, and chest infection. Anitger day of worrying if this is the beginning of the end. Also 50 on tuesday and will be the third birthday she cant remember. Husband dies not see why i have stress - thats a good one!
    Anyway basically feeling pathetic and sorry for myself. I know i should look for the doughnut and not the hole but today i just cant. Ive left my mojo in 2015.
    Please someone tell me to get a grip! I know i have it easy compared to so many of you.
  2. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    Quilty you are not being pathetic the strain of caring for a loved one with this horrible illness is such a responsibility it's like a giant rollercoaster especially when they get infections or have falls.
    Be kind to yourself you are doing a fantastic job it's ok to.have down days I think we all have them.
    I have great empathy about your mum not remembering your birthdays. Hope you and your OH can go out together and celebrate 50 is not too bad.
    Sending you a big hug xx
  3. lori107

    lori107 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Happy birthday

    Sending you 50 birthday wishes and hugs for a wonderfulday on Tuesday. I hope you get to enjoy some quality time with OH.

    Take care,

  4. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    North East
    Don't feel bad about being stressed it isn't a competition and to be quite frank it is often the straw that breaks the camels back. Anyway I hope you do have a lovely 50th birthday xxx. These infections cause all sorts of issues for those with dementia and subsequently those who care for them too. The inability to remember personal
    Stuff like birthdays must be really hard. My dad never remembered anyway so I havnt had that loss as it were. But it must be really hard and feel like another kick in the teeth for you. I do sympathise.
  5. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
    We certainly won't tell you to get a grip :D ;)! Just lots of hugs and sympathy - most of us have felt the same, many times. This is a hard road we are travelling and I think we are all guilty sometimes of forgetting to be kind to ourselves.

  6. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    Surrey, UK
    Quilty, go easy on yourself, please! You've had a tough time which would test any of us. You would have to be superhuman not to feel low after what you've been through. I recommend some deep breathing....one, two... in, out...hope that's better now! xx
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Thanks folks. Im actually feeling ok about being 50. I lost my dad to cancer 20 years ago now. He was a real comedian and said 50 was fantastic versus the alternative which is being dead! So, roll on 50. Maybe mum will be ok when i visit tonight and i can drop the worry rucksac again till the next time.
  8. Jonny1

    Jonny1 Account on hold

    Apr 9, 2015
    Nantwich, Cheshire
    Take it easy on yourself - you are doing amazing
  9. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Be kind to yourself Quilty - good to see some of your Pa's funny genes have been passed on and that you can still share his sense of humour xx Hope the visit went ok - you don't need to get a grip lol you is just amazing xxx
  10. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Just sending you a hug, Quilty :)

    You are far from pathetic and are evidently a great support to your mum. Enjoy your 50th and give yourself a break :)

    Lindy xx
  11. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    You're allowed to feel low. It happens to all of us. My mother certainly didn't remember my birthday for my 50th and a few before. She didn't know me well before my 60th and yet although we know why, the emotional part of our brain still hurts.
  12. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    Your dad obviously had the Glasgow patter and humour Quilty :)
  13. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    North Cornwall
    I hope the day has gone ok and that you are feeling a bit brighter now Quilty. It's better to be 50 nowadays than it was in times gone by, so have a good celebration with OH and maybe ask him to get you a card - or choose a nice one yourself - for your Mum to make her mark on :)

    Heidi xx
  14. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Went to visit mum in the ch. She was better than i expected tho still very confused. Its helped cheer me up a bit.
  15. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    Glad you are feeling a bit better Quilty x
  16. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    That is good news. Have a good night's sleep xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  17. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    I really wondered if it was all over. She looked like death at the hospital last night. She was not getting enough air into her chest. They tried to take an arteriak blood sample and she was screaming. I told them to leave her alone.
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    You were right to tell them to leave her alone. She has suffered enough.
  19. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    This is now it goes. I think I am mainly bearing up but then all past hopes and dreams, all that is going on,sorry about the future,wishes had done things differently in the past to make the future easier,all come flooding in. A day of crying and feeling sorry for myself. Trip to the doctors, don't want anti depressants, so taking St johns wort on her advice.
    Next day get a grip, look at the positives feels lot better. Until the next time.
    It's not a Case of getting a grip, its just something that is better out than in.
  20. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Hope this week goes better for you Quilty - and you 1mindy. Could be partly this time of year. I think this early January time is the worst time of year for many. Subconsciously, we feel Winter is passing - but yet, it's still so dark. And really, a lot of Winter is still ahead of us. Christmas lights and jollity is behind, and January seems very long stretching ahead before we start to see the lengthening of the day and approach of Spring. Add to that all you have to cope with and seeing your mum suffering - of course you feel down. You are entitled to feel down every now and then!

    Hope you have better days this week and your mum is doing better. And treat yourself to something nice tomorrow for your birthday. Even if it's only half an hour in a cafe with a magazine! :) Happy birthday.

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