hi, I don't feel I can say this out loud to anyone I know but I feel so confused. I visit my mum in the care home and I know she still knows me and always looks very pleased to see me. We have a chat and I just try to make sure I'm saying yes and no in the right places dependent on how she looks when she's speaking, as she often speaks in gobble d goob!! I love my mum very much but when I look around at other people who are in a far worse position than mum - I can't help but think and dare I say it - hope she passes away before she gets to that point. I can see her progressively getting worse as time goes on and it makes me feel so unbelievable sad and scared about her dying but at the same time I don't want her to get so bad she doesn't know me. Am I so wrong to 'hope' she doesn't get to that point?
I try and go to see her every week and feel really guilty that it is only once a week but I work full time and have small children that need taking here there and everywhere! I wish I could go more as I feel I should do more for her...
Rach my Mum has been in care for a year next month.
For the first 7 months, after a period of settling in, she was doing extremely well.
Much better than being at home, and also her and Dad reached the point with Mums Alz, that going into care was best for the both of them.
Mum knows who we all are ( apart from her youngest grandchildren 3 & 6) but doesn't always know the connection, daughter, son, husband etc. It depends if shes having a good day or bad day.
Prior to going in care I was her neighbour or the lady that looked after her.
Then 3 months ago, Mum had 2 UTI's in a row, and shes had a massive decline.
Can no longer shower, or dress without assistance at all, sometimes needs assistance with eating, and always needs prompting to drink. Its affected her speech also, getting very mixed up with words and often gobbeldy gook.
Due to the UTI's bringing on agitation, anger, and anxiety, they have put her on a very low dose of Lorazepam, which has helped immensely.
I'm saddened though at Mum's decline, and its the first time I've really thought that I hope also that Mum passes away before she gets to the stage of some of the others, although I know probably inevitable.
Mum and I have always been close, and I do get annoyed and upset at how little I can visit Mum on my own compared to my sister & brother.
My parents lived behind me, so I now have to take Dad when visiting Mum as he needs supervision with Mum ( He has MCI, doesnt understand Alz at all) or lie to him, to try and visit Mum on my own. I wish I could take Mum out more too, but Dad is a hindrance. Sad but true... ( my Dad is a whole other issue)
I work part time, care for my husband with health issues, and my youngest is 14.
A year later and it is still a constant juggling act.
The guilt is getting to me more now, than at the beginning of Mum going into care, but we are all doing our best in trying circumstances.