1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I just feel like closing my eyes & going to sleep am so fed up today .

    Thought mum was coming home next week , but to day my brother soon to be key worker & CPN came around ,to talk about him morning into housing support turn out his housing support is not 24 care , as key worker took one look at him & said that’s what he needs so there having a meeting today to talk about it,CPN said that she did try high level housing support ,but was true down for funding, my daughter’s want him to go ,because of his hygiene/ drink problem the lot long story.

    So phone mum social worker, who was annoyed at CPN as she did say brother was going on 15 now CPN saying she did not say that & still waiting for funding, she lying .

    So mum social worker going to photo her CPN & then phone me my social worker say that mum really should not be at care home ,because she not that bad, I can’t care for both of them & am trying to not feel guilty , that guilty monster ,that I have heard it be called on TP , I could put him in to a B/B ,but he would not cope , brother no that & is scared himself, mum thinks she coming home, not going to tell her anything tonight when I see her ,shall wait & see what happen tomorrow , sorry to go on ,but its been playing on my mind all day around, around . Holding back the tears as I am not alone at home .

    Hi to all new people , have not pop in your threads to say Hi , just don't feel up to it sorry .
     
  2. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #2 Lynne, May 10, 2006
    Last edited: May 10, 2006
    Poor Margarita,
    you sound emotionally exhausted, and as if you are being pulled & pushed in all directions.
    I can't offer any help, as you surely know, all I can offer is a 'virtual Hug' and TP love.
     
  3. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Margarita

    I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. You have lifted my spirits so often in the past and I only wish that I could do the same for you right now. As you know AD is a rollercoaster and hopefully you will feel better soon but until then my spirit is with you.

    Sorry I am not much help to you.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Margarita,
    Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Get rid of that guilt monster - you are doing all that you can to keep both your mum and brother safe. It will get sorted.
    Your kids are old enough to understand tears release tension; let them give you some love and support. I think it is a good lesson for our children to learn that we can cry and be vulnerable, but that gives us strength to go on.
    Love Amy
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Margarita, please take some time to think of yourself.

    You are running yourself ragged trying to support your brother, and your mum, and looking after the children. Now look after yourself. Let the tears come, you don't have to be brave all the time.

    Sending you a special hug,
     

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  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Thank you all for you reposes it does help you don’t know what it mean , just knowing I can share this & someone there , hardest part ,( am not feeling sorry for myself ) is being the head of the house hold all alone , No one to lean on, but teenagers, who get sad themselves for me & fed up hearing the same story & can not believe the system out there it like banging your head against a war & I am trying my hardest in trying to get help to move on brother , so nanny can come home , that one of my daughter has not been home all day, & I know why because of my brother.

    I chicken out going to see mum tonight, phone mum & said that I was not feeling well, but I go tomorrow, and then made my brother go as mum like a sandwich.

    I did have a sleep, just woken up & had some strange dream, I read somewhere that we can programme our subconscious with our conscious but if it is governed by our 'shadow side' (secret fears, unaccepted parts of ourselves) than it can create quite a bit of chaos.

    so may –be my secret fears was in that dream, its ok am not going mad , just trying to switch of & can’t & trying to understand recognize why , Connie yes that could be why running myself ragged & emotionally exhausted Lynn thanks its hard facing reality & what going around about me when I do not like it myself .
    thanks for the hug , it looks really good .

    my poor dog been sleeping with me & has not complained that his not been out for a long while ,better take him now .

    Dick you did , thanks for saying that , Just reminded me , I be back & tomorrow is another brighter day , thanks amy , geting ride of that Guilt & I shall & then see how more assertive I’ll be tomorrow .

    Its ticking in to tomorrow 23:51
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I phone my local town hall to find out if I could get a social worker for my brother , after phone few other people asking this question , was told yes there is social worker for the mentally ill & I should phone my brother mental heath team & ask for on so I did .

    Only to be told by my brother CPN , that now the system has change the CPN does the work of the social worker , you can’t have two , she ask me why I wanted one , so had to tell her I thought its all to much for a CPN to do , & a social worker could take the pursuer of her & felt that she (CPN) was not telling me some think, she told me not to get to stress about it all & look after myself (easy said then done ) that the funding is above her & she has no control over it .

    So I phone mum Social worker, she said that she extend mum stay in care home & not to tell her to the last moment.

    So I excepted this & went on my daily activates, when I got back home , my brother said the CPN rang telling him that his moving on Monday, after all that stressing on my side his moving , just wanted to share it with you all
     
  8. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Oh Margarita,
    That is good news. Lets all keep our fingers crossed now, and believe it when it happens.
    How is your daughter today? It must be difficult for her too; and for you, feeling that she is being driven away because of your brother's presence.
    Is there any chance of having a few days without both your mum and brother in the house, so that you and your kids can have some time together?
    Anyway, pleased things are looking brighter tonight.
    Love Amy
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Amy



    If it went all to plan my brother would move out on Monday have Tuesday with daughters & mum come home on wednesday .

    But Like you say

    Going to phone CPN to Confirm it all tomorrow, as it was my brother that took the message from CPN .

    As I was walking the dog last night , I meet my daughter out side with her friend waiting for taxi to come for her girlfriend , she said that she stayed at her friends job, she a hairdresser & then went out , could not get her to talk more ,as she was talking to what I thought was her ex boyfriend , who I do not like( Long story) as I & my other daughter & son have had a few running with , as I do not like the way he treats her, then I blame myself for her being in the relationship with him , because I am so rap up looking after Mother & my brother . I do try to take time out to be with her ,so you hit on a good idea , there a lovely tapers bar called the Rock that we all like ,so am going to tell them before mum come home we all go there together mydaughter seem to love to chat around a table of food :) or a take way at home alone with me .
     
  10. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    That's really good, a family meal together outside the home, away from painful reminders of the bad things for a little while. Have some wine, laugh together, show each other you all still love each other, even though life is hard sometimes.
    I hope everything works out well Margarita.
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Just enjoy

    Margarita, that phrase about the 'highest of highs and the lowest of lows' just strikes a chord with me here ... it doesn't seem a moment ago you (and 'we') were celebrating what seemed like such a breakthrough for you - you are an amazingly strong person - you are the one keeping everything on 'the level'.

    Go enjoy, you so deserve it!

    Love, Karen
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Thanks Lynn & tender –face .

    got a call from mum social worker Friday morning saying all was going ahead for Monday, but CPN had to confirm it ,when I got home there was a message on answer phone from CPN saying John my brother is moving on Monday they got the funding & she be around at 11:15 pm & to be ready with his thing & she order a taxi to take us there .

    yes talk about 'highest of highs and the lowest of lows' , am feeling like a rug being pulled around this last week .also with mum since last Monday asking me every day when she coming home ?I tell her on Wednesday then she say is Wednesday tomorrow? I say No .

    Today she rings me asking when she going home ?I forget because she sounds so normal that I thought she just trying to wind me up, but then I remember & she says in a pretending crying voice your not lying to me are you? Because I feel so lonely at night in the room & when am I coming home? :eek: lol got to laugh
     
  13. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Margaurita,
    A dear friend of mine told me just yesterday to just "breath". Such a silly little thing but I did just that. Sat and just breathed. I felt so much better and the stress just lifted.
    I hope things continue to improve for you. Catch your breath and hang in there.

    hugs, Debbie
     
  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Connie
    I remember a long while back, when my mum was not diagnosed with AD & I did not know what was happening to her.( Hope I can word this right) I read in a book that when life is getting on top of you imagine it feels like your drowning what you got to do is swim to the top of the water & take a breathe".

    Now you saying that with stress make me believe ,understand see it more clearer .

    Thank-you Rummy for sharing your right so right, I have read your posts about your mother ,father family life I really do admire your strength & courage .
     
  15. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Dear Margaurita,
    Thank you for that but I'm not feeling very strong or courageous right now. Guess it is my turn to be vulnerable. I have had a revelation today. The thing that makes me a good carer, is also the thing that makes me so vulnerable. I feel too much, I care too much, I have too much compassion so it hurts too much. I just had alot of things piled on me at once this week and I crashed. I know it is all just as normal as rain but it is still hard.
    But, I am determined to not give in to these negative and sad feelings. I will winn this battle and I will survive this test.
    At least that is how I feel toay:D
    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  16. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    hi Rummy
    Sorry to hear that things are not good with you, but I understand ,why is it that when things go wrong that every thing goes wrong together,we are either on a high or in a very dark place.
    I so agree about caring ,we are our own worst enemy,in my case when my mum had all her falls I blamed myself ,that if I had not put her in these places it would not have happened,but when I think straight I know that I have done the best that I can do,so please take some time out for you and just for a few hours get away from all the presser and things may seem a little better when you come back to them,you are doing a great job
    take care of yourself carol
     
  17. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hya Debbie,
    You will win, you will survive.
    Thinking of you. Amy
     
  18. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Thank you Carol and Amy,
    Today is better. It is Mothers Day here and although my daughter couldn't be here she sent a card that made me bawl like a baby. Saying how important I am and what a great role model for her. Geez, just when I thought I wasn't doing enough and failing everyone. I took my Mom to church, bought her a coursage that she immediately thought was from someone else, but thats ok and we had a cook out. They left soon after eatting which was ok. All afternoon the only thing I have done is decide, "do I want a beer or a glass of wine " and "do I lay out in the sun on the back or the front of the house", . I then did just that. It has been a good day. Oh, the choclate I got for Mom's Day didn't hurt either!

    It is good to take time to decompress and I hope I've recharged my batteries enough to take on a new day.

    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  19. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Gosh you said it so right , I need to read those words at the moment , brother having a crises at the moment ,& I have to be cram while inside of me is a bit shaky ,vulnerble , with compassion & hopeing I am doing the right thing ,as I wait for the professional people to come around ,as I do not want to go in to much detail on hear ,but am ok

    Am pleased to hear that your day went well ,those are the days yes like you say we recharge are batteries I did that on saturday thank-god as its helping me tonight .

    I share with you a glass of with for a better tomorrow
     
  20. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    HI Margarita,
    Well, it really was a good day. My Mom even called me late last night having hallucinations about the housekeeper, she was calling "that nasty woman" ( mom loves her usually ) and calling my step dad a neighboor friend and that her husband was in the hospital,e tc etc . I just told her he would be home tomorrow, it seemed to calm her and that was that. Good thing I had a restful day or I might have run over there to fix the unfixable!
    I have a well intentioned friend that happened to call me at one of my very down moments last week. I told her my woes and her response to me was that I am being a door mat for my family to dump on. Obviously someone who has never been faced with alzheimers but she was right about one thing. I am putting myself at the very bottom of my list of things to take care of. I am going to try try try to change that. I know I've told others a zillion time, you must take care of yourself first. And then I don't take my own advice:confused:
    So I will remind you to do it, and you remind me to do it !!
    Debbie
     

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